What can I expect?

[Unquirer]

So it's fair to say i'm not in good standing in the Church currently. I haven't communed in over 4 years, and have attended only sporadically (maybe 2-3 times in that period).

So here's my current situation. Since I was frequently attending/communing, quite a bit has changed.

I am now living with my fiancé of nearly 4 years, her daughter from a previous marriage, and we also have a new daughter together.

We are planning to get married in August in a Presbyterian church (her home church).

So as I mentioned before, I have only recently started to think about going to church again.

If I wanted to come back into good standing, what could I expect and what might this entail?

Of course I understand a good start might be going to confession, but other than that I really have no idea. Thoughts?

 

[TuxAme]

As you said, a good place to start would be confession. Aside from that, I'd contact the priest of the parish you plan on attending and explain your situation to him. They would be your best resource.

 

[ArmyMatt]

contact your local priest and do what he says.

 

[buzuxi02]

You will have to marry in the Orthodox church.

 

[Episaw]

So it's fair to say i'm not in good standing in the Church currently. I haven't communed in over 4 years, and have attended only sporadically (maybe 2-3 times in that period).

So here's my current situation. Since I was frequently attending/communing, quite a bit has changed.

I am now living with my fiancé of nearly 4 years, her daughter from a previous marriage, and we also have a new daughter together.

We are planning to get married in August in a Presbyterian church (her home church).

So as I mentioned before, I have only recently started to think about going to church again.

If I wanted to come back into good standing, what could I expect and what might this entail?

Of course I understand a good start might be going to confession, but other than that I really have no idea. Thoughts?

Judging by all the sinful stuff some churches are taking on board as normal, pick the right church and you can go on sinning to your heart's content and be accepted.

 

[Hermit76]

You will have to marry in the Orthodox church.

That is best left up to the priest to discuss.

 

[Hermit76]

Judging by all the sinful stuff some churches are taking on board as normal, pick the right church and you can go on sinning to your heart's content and be accepted.

This is an inappropriate and unhelpful comment. You are in the Orthodox forum and he's asking specifically about the Orthodox Church.

 

[Rescued One]

Judging by all the sinful stuff some churches are taking on board as normal, pick the right church and you can go on sinning to your heart's content and be accepted.

That's pathetic!

 

[~Anastasia~]

Judging by all the sinful stuff some churches are taking on board as normal, pick the right church and you can go on sinning to your heart's content and be accepted.

I don't think this qualifies as posting in fellowship. Especially when one of our members is asking for support.

I hope you wouldn't walk into someone's Church and do this.

 

[GoingByzantine]

Congratulations on your new family!

Yes, talk to your priest. You are going to have a lot to work out with him by the sound of it, but he is there to help you, so don't be nervous. Sure you haven't exactly followed church protocol on everything, but the fact that you are wanting to return and live an Orthodox lifestyle is admirable.

As for wedding ceremonies, there is no way that you will be able to have a joint service. With the priest's blessing you could have a sacramental marriage at the EO church, and more of a civil service at her church, but the acceptance of such a thing varies from place to place and priest to priest from what I have read (would be curious to here Fr. Matt's take).

 

[ArmyMatt]

Judging by all the sinful stuff some churches are taking on board as normal, pick the right church and you can go on sinning to your heart's content and be accepted.

good thing Orthodoxy won't accept sinful stuff as normal.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I would also add to agree it could be rougher getting married in a non-Orthodox ceremony, as that excommunicates.

so, to reiterate, ask your priest what you should do.

 

[All4Christ]

Judging by all the sinful stuff some churches are taking on board as normal, pick the right church and you can go on sinning to your heart's content and be accepted.

As others have said, this is not the teaching of the Orthodox Church. As this is the Orthodox congregational forum, guests may not post teachings contradictory to our teachings in this forum. Please review the Statement of Purpose.

Even so, this response would be wrong no matter what forum you are in. All churches I’ve been in both in and outside of the Orthodox Church, don’t hold to that, and implying that Orthodoxy holds to that is completely inaccurate.

I can see a possibility that you may have been saying that in a sarcastic way....but if that is the case, it isn’t readily apparent.

 

[Unquirer]

Ok thanks for the info. I have read that if you marry outside the church you wouldn't be in good standing until your marriage is blessed by a priest. I've also heard that you would be required to pledge that you will raise your children in the church, including baptism, etc. Of course everyone is different, but I got this info from the oca.org website. Can't seem to find the link right now though.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Ok thanks for the info. I have read that if you marry outside the church you wouldn't be in good standing until your marriage is blessed by a priest. I've also heard that you would be required to pledge that you will raise your children in the church, including baptism, etc. Of course everyone is different, but I got this info from the oca.org website. Can't seem to find the link right now though.

Problem being is that marriage in the Church is a Sacrament, and getting married outside the Church can raise problems like getting re-baptized or receiving communion elsewhere.

My marriage is not blessed by the Church but I came in as a convert already married and without my husband. But I do know of Orthodox getting married outside and it caused a big problem until their marriage was blessed in the Church. And I've always heard that yes, the expectation in an Orthodox marriage is that the children will be raised in the Church.

But you know what? The priest will certainly be able to guide you through all of it. The Church is not aiming to exclude people - the goal is always to restore. Please do talk to the priest.

 

[gzt]

You can expect that God will be more merciful to you than you thought.

Anyway, as for concrete stuff, only your priest (who will possibly have to confer with your bishop) can tell you for sure, but God deserves that all be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth and wanting to come back is the hard part.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

My wife and I were married in Reno when we first got together because of time! She would be deported if we didn't hurry up! About 3 years later or so, we got married in the Catholic Church. After we converted to Orthodoxy, I asked Father a couple times, "shouldn't we get remarried in the Orthodox Church?" He was adamant that we should NOT. He said to me without hesitation, "you are already sacramentally married. Your Catholic marriage was valid." He has had that policy with all of us basically. So, I've learned arguing or continually asking the question is a massive waste of time with him.

Problem being is that marriage in the Church is a Sacrament, and getting married outside the Church can raise problems like getting re-baptized or receiving communion elsewhere.

My marriage is not blessed by the Church but I came in as a convert already married and without my husband. But I do know of Orthodox getting married outside and it caused a big problem until their marriage was blessed in the Church. And I've always heard that yes, the expectation in an Orthodox marriage is that the children will be raised in the Church.

But you know what? The priest will certainly be able to guide you through all of it. The Church is not aiming to exclude people - the goal is always to restore. Please do talk to the priest.

 

[~Anastasia~]

My wife and I were married in Reno when we first got together because of time! She would be deported if we didn't hurry up! About 3 years later or so, we got married in the Catholic Church. After we converted to Orthodoxy, I asked Father a couple times, "shouldn't we get remarried in the Orthodox Church?" He was adamant that we should NOT. He said to me without hesitation, "you are already sacramentally married. Your Catholic marriage was valid." He has had that policy with all of us basically. So, I've learned arguing or continually asking the question is a massive waste of time with him.

I've heard both kinds of arguments but what it seemed to boil down to at best is that Orthodoxy might BLESS a marriage that has already taken place, but not marry the couple again. One per customer, as it were. Which makes sense ... in the beginning it was kind of confusing and I was trying to discern if I was considered unmarried by the Orthodox Church. And the answer is that no, I'm married. So it's valid. So yeah, even if my husband agreed, I doubt we could be "married" in the Church. I'm not sure what the priest would say if I asked for a blessing or whatever. He might say no unless we just wanted - a simple blessing.

Was never a point to me pursuing it since my husband is nowhere near agreeing.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

I think at this point you'd just be clicking your heels together like an insane leprechaun just to get your husband to convert!

I've heard both kinds of arguments but what it seemed to boil down to at best is that Orthodoxy might BLESS a marriage that has already taken place, but not marry the couple again. One per customer, as it were. Which makes sense ... in the beginning it was kind of confusing and I was trying to discern if I was considered unmarried by the Orthodox Church. And the answer is that no, I'm married. So it's valid. So yeah, even if my husband agreed, I doubt we could be "married" in the Church. I'm not sure what the priest would say if I asked for a blessing or whatever. He might say no unless we just wanted - a simple blessing.

Was never a point to me pursuing it since my husband is nowhere near agreeing.

 

[~Anastasia~]

I think at this point you'd just be clicking your heels together like an insane leprechaun just to get your husband to convert!

You've absolutely got that right!!!