What can I expect?

[Jake3]

I posted the following in the teen forum for advice, and I think it would be awesome if I could get some parents opinions on the subject as well!

What I posted is:

Ok, I've got a question for you all. On Saturday I will be taking a girl I recently out to a thing at our church.. (a dinner type thing) - we're not nessecarily going as a "date" but as friends. (that's the way I see it, and I'm pretty sure she sees it that way also, but I'm not sure about it!)

Anyways, I am going to pick her up at her house, but I was told that I should arrive there 15 minutes prior to leaving because her parents would like to meet me/speak with me.. I'm kinda curious now - does anybody have any idea of what I should expect? I have never dated anybody in the past, so I don't have a clue what I'm going to be asked by her mom/dad... but once again, I'm not really viewing this thing as we are going out on a date, but going out as friends.

Thanks in advance for everybody help!
Jake

 

[Gentileone]

Haa haa sorry for laughing, it brings back memory.

First just be yourself and everything will be just fine when meeting the parents.

As far as the other partner goes make sure you are clear to the person that it is, is friendly but remember be nice and you could have saved yourself some truoble by making it clear when he/she asks the first time.

Hope it helps in someway.
God Bless

 

[Jake3]

Ha, not a problem about the laughing, it's totally understandable to me! lol

The thing is I may have feeling towards this person but, like I said, we just recently met and I don't want to scare her off or anything...so right now we're going on this thing as "friends" and I'm pretty sure she thinks of it as that way, also, but I'm not positive.

 

[bliz]

I don't know that you need to have your feelings all sorted out before you meet the 'rents. If asked, you can say that you would like to get to know their daughter better and leave it at that.

What may be waiting on the other side of the door is anyone's guess. You could be asked a lot of questions. You could be expected to listen to a lecture. The subject could be anything at all - your spiritual life, your plans for the future, your sexual history, your intentions toward their daughter, philosophies of dating... I know a guy who asks guys who date his daughter about their relationship with Jesus Christ.

My husband was once told by a father that he was expected to bring the daughter back in the same condition she was upon departure. My husband asked if he should leave a deposit... not a reply I would suggest...

Initiate a handshake... smile...slip in a "Sir" if you can...

We've always known the people our kids dated before a first date, so we haven't grilled a strange young man seeking our daughter's attention and time. Sounds like it could be a fun thing to do!

 

[murron]

We just recently went through the reverse of this - our daughter brought a young man home - and we got to be the ones "grilling" the young man.

Here's the things we asked (and yes, we are very direct)...
1. are you a Christian, what are your beliefs, etc
2. how many girls have you dated in the past
3. are you sexually active (yeah, his jaw dropped, but we wanted to be certain he wasn't interested in our daughter for the wrong reasons)

we also asked about his education level, has he been in any car accidents while he was driving, if he was employed. we also laid out very clear rules on what we would expect should he actually take our daughter out (as of this point we've not allowed them to actually go anywhere, but he has spent several evenings at our house). we also made it abundantly clear that should he try anything inappropriate with our daughter he could expect us to file a police report.

the one issue we grilled him the most on was his religious beliefs. he will be attending Easter mass with us this year.

 

[andiesmama]

I agree....be prepared for any questions, but be ready to just be honest & yourself!

Of course you'll be nervous...but remember, "this too shall pass"! lol What's 15 minutes?? (although it may seem like forever at the time!! )

If she told you to get there 15 min early, you should get there 20 min early, just my suggestion...

I'll be curious to know how it goes....good luck!!

 

[lucypevensie]

Be honest and be yourself. If you have nothing to hide you have nothing to worry about, right

And look them in the eye.

 

[Jake3]

Thanks everybody! Like I said, I've never done any dating before so I've never had to do anything like this before, so... yeah I'm just trying to see if I should expect to get some of the questions like you guys used as examples even though I'm not really "dating" her, but going out as friends, for now. (i.e. what are your intentions with my daughter? i.e. what is your sexual history?) - so far I haven't done anything that I'm ashamed of so I don't mind of course answering those questions.. but let's say for example that they ask "are you sexually active?" question... would it be appropriate for me to then express my views on the subject? (i.e., I believe sex is a gift from God to be shared between a Husband and Wife, and it only acceptable after people are married... or should I answer with a simple Yes/No?)

Also, thanks for the tips about saying "sir" and trying to keep eye contact..I'll try to remember that. Any other comments on what I asked earlier, or just above this paragraph would be really appreciated... Thanks Again!

 

[andiesmama]

As far as expounding on their question (ie: "sexually active"), of course I'm sure it would sit very well if you added to a simple "yes/no" question....it shows forethought, something you've taken the time to really think about as opposed to yelping out a simple "yessir!" or "no sir!" lol

3 days & counting....

 

[~Mrs. A2J~]

but let's say for example that they ask "are you sexually active?" question... would it be appropriate for me to then express my views on the subject? (i.e., I believe sex is a gift from God to be shared between a Husband and Wife, and it only acceptable after people are married... or should I answer with a simple Yes/No?)

I would elaborate if I were you. My daughter is only 3 so we don't have to deal with this yet but if when my daughter is older we ask a possible suitor what their sexual history is I would prefer that the young man answered, "I believe sex is a gift from God to be shared between a Husband and Wife, and only acceptable after people are married" rather a simple "No". Anything that shows you are a godly man is a postive in my book.

 

[Neenie1]

Thanks everybody! Like I said, I've never done any dating before so I've never had to do anything like this before, so... yeah I'm just trying to see if I should expect to get some of the questions like you guys used as examples even though I'm not really "dating" her, but going out as friends, for now. (i.e. what are your intentions with my daughter? i.e. what is your sexual history?) - so far I haven't done anything that I'm ashamed of so I don't mind of course answering those questions.. but let's say for example that they ask "are you sexually active?" question... would it be appropriate for me to then express my views on the subject? (i.e., I believe sex is a gift from God to be shared between a Husband and Wife, and it only acceptable after people are married... or should I answer with a simple Yes/No?)

Also, thanks for the tips about saying "sir" and trying to keep eye contact..I'll try to remember that. Any other comments on what I asked earlier, or just above this paragraph would be really appreciated... Thanks Again!

I think you definitely need to give the "I believe sex should be between husband and wife" speech. It shows you have thought about it, and not had sex just because the opportunity hasn't presented itself if that makes sense.

Definitely show respect to the parents because if they see you respect them they can trust you to respect their daughter