What are your views of “mansplaining” a thing or not?

[Paidiske]

It's been demonstrated consistently that women are, as a group, more pacifist and less inclined to military violence than men. I would argue that's probably a matter of nurture, rather than nature, and I wouldn't use it as an argument for why women should run the world, but given that I am definitely one of those pacifist women, I think anything which de-escalates the urge to make war is a good thing; and if, right now, that includes more participation of women in leadership and government, well, that's a desirable thing for other reasons anyway.

 

[Robban]

It's been demonstrated consistently that women are, as a group, more pacifist and less inclined to military violence than men. I would argue that's probably a matter of nurture, rather than nature, and I wouldn't use it as an argument for why women should run the world, but given that I am definitely one of those pacifist women, I think anything which de-escalates the urge to make war is a good thing; and if, right now, that includes more participation of women in leadership and government, well, that's a desirable thing for other reasons anyway.

Where has that been demonstrated, not here in the "West"

Seems like man or woman they just wet their finger and hold it up to the wind.

 

[Paidiske]

If you google "are women more pacifist than men" you'll come up with a bunch of results.

 

[o_mlly]

What are your thoughts?

Two rules for the men: 1) Never complain, and 2) never explain. I call the right to remain quiet "man-privilege."

 

[RestoreTheJoy]

Well, that's what I witnessed growing up in a socially conservative circle. I am sure a baby is more demanding, but once you're a kid and able to walk and talk it doesn't take very much effort to glance every once in a while, to make sure the kids are not on fire. Socioeconomics might play a factor. I imagine if a housewife doesn't have basic appliances like a washing machine and whatnot they have more to do throughout the day. For most middle-class families at least... I don't see how a housewife doesn't have a lot of leeway when it comes to having free time. Especially when these housewives stay housewives forever. Including children being away at school, and even when they move out of the house.

I've heard from some housewives (usually poorer) who seemed to be doing a lot more than I witnessed... and like I said it's up to the particular woman. Some women will take great care in making a nice meal for their husband when they arrive home... most... just plop something in the oven and go back to watching trashy (often man-hating) TV, lol. I will say there was one housewife I remember staying at... who shocked me how involved she was with things. Sadly, that wasn't the norm I experienced.

I remember once in a while a talk show host like Dr. Phil would address insecure housewives and make an argument that they actually do way more work than their husbands... and I knew there was a chance there would be a fight when the father came home. I never did... but I was always so tempted to take my father's side when he dared question exactly what she did all day. He wasn't even mad about it.. he was just genuinely curious on a practical level. Although I do always wonder... if many conservative men reach a point in their lives when they think... maybe this arrangement is a mistake?




I was thinking today that the closest a woman might treat a man is a relationship between a mother and her son/sons. Not that women don't have instincts to care for men, but the instincts I see in men seem to be much stronger on average. This is probably more pronounced when you get outside of familial relations.

Wow...ok. I'm sorry you were exposed to neglectful parents. Many children were not and are not, and had/have highly engaged parents who taught them many academic and practical nuggets of knowledge, took them everywhere, exposed them to many experiences, and basically poured their lives into their children.

Sure, there is some free time built into every day, as the children age. Some people take it while home with the kids. Others take it on the job.

Insecure housewives and "your father questioned what your mother did all day?"

Yikes. What century are you talking about?

You have apparently been exposed to a time capsule.

 

[MehGuy]

Wow...ok. I'm sorry you were exposed to neglectful parents. Many children were not and are not, and had/have highly engaged parents who taught them many academic and practical nuggets of knowledge, took them everywhere, exposed them to many experiences, and basically poured their lives into their children.

Sure, there is some free time built into every day, as the children age. Some people take it while home with the kids. Others take it on the job.

Insecure housewives and "your father questioned what your mother did all day?"

Yikes. What century are you talking about?

You have apparently been exposed to a time capsule.

I never viewed my parents as neglectful. My father did more activities with us kids when he came home. My childhood was actually pretty great. Most boys don't want to spend too much time with their mothers anyways; they'd rather be hanging out with their friends. While I found that one housewife remarkable, I was grateful my mother wasn't very involved in my life herself. Instead, I always just felt sad for my father, and always wondered why he wanted such an arrangement.

My mother was a very nice person. She grew up with a very, very abusive mother (my grandmother). I think that sucked something out of her, but I don't blame her for that.

Believe me, if for some reason women wanted stay at home father's, most fathers would be lazy too. It's just human nature. The occupation is what you make it, and most people are just going to settle into doing the bare minimum even if they start with the best intentions. Something I think some men who seem to want to have housewives should pay heed too. Men should be thinking like women in this regard.

If that's what other men truly want, fine. They can have an overgrown child for a life partner, but some men like me don't want it, and I don't want to pretend I want it or find value in it any more than the typical woman would want a stay-at-home father.

The area I lived; most people had two parents who worked. Although a lot were from single mother homes. I saw horror there too. The other families my family would interact with though, were church friends and mostly leaned socially conservative. My school system was pretty liberal, so in a way I think I experienced both sides.

 

[Aldebaran]

 

[RestoreTheJoy]

...
If that's what other men truly want, fine. They can have an overgrown child for a life partner, but some men like me don't want it, and I don't want to pretend I want it or find value in it any more than the typical woman would want a stay-at-home father.

The area I lived; most people had two parents who worked.

Wow, so I guess you condemn entire generations of women who stayed home with children prior to say, 1970, as "overgrown children for a life partner". Because that was pretty much every family.

Pretty judgmental and inaccurate there, bud.

 

[Tinker Grey]

Wow, so I guess you condemn entire generations of women who stayed home with children prior to say, 1970, as "overgrown children for a life partner". Because that was pretty much every family.

Pretty judgmental and inaccurate there, bud.

Way to read too much into the text, bud

 

[RestoreTheJoy]

Way to read too much into the text, bud

"If that's what other men truly want, fine. They can have an overgrown child for a life partner, but some men like me don't want it, and I don't want to pretend I want it or find value in it any more than the typical woman would want a stay-at-home father.
The area I lived; most people had two parents who worked. "

I don't think so. That's pretty judgmental to determine that women who stay home with their children = "overgrown child"; a natural state for the entirety of our history before the 1970s or so.

Not seeing a charitable way to interpret that.

 

[Tinker Grey]

"If that's what other men truly want, fine. They can have an overgrown child for a life partner, but some men like me don't want it, and I don't want to pretend I want it or find value in it any more than the typical woman would want a stay-at-home father.
The area I lived; most people had two parents who worked. "

I don't think so. That's pretty judgmental to determine that women who stay home with their children = "overgrown child"; a natural state for the entirety of our history before the 1970s or so.

Not seeing a charitable way to interpret that.

There is no reason to interpret it as "every person who stays home is an overgrown child".

 

[RestoreTheJoy]

There is no reason to interpret it as "every person who stays home is an overgrown child".

Combining the thoughts logically and grammatically, there is no other way to interpret this: Other men can have an overgrown child for a life partner, but some men like me don't want it."

 

[Tinker Grey]

Combining the thoughts logically and grammatically, there is no other way to interpret this: Other men can have an overgrown child for a life partner, but some men like me don't want it."

What's missing is "anyone who opts to stay home is an overgrown child. "

 

[RestoreTheJoy]

What's missing is "anyone who opts to stay home is an overgrown child. "

Not so. You have to read post 106 in context. After the personal stuff to his situation, he states:
"If that's what other men truly want, fine. They can have an overgrown child for a life partner, but some men like me don't want it, and I don't want to pretend I want it or find value in it any more than the typical woman would want a stay-at-home father.
The area I lived; most people had two parents who worked. Although a lot were from single mother homes. I saw horror there too. The other families my family would interact with though, were church friends and mostly leaned socially conservative. My school system was pretty liberal, so in a way I think I experienced both sides."

There is no other way to interpret this. He is clearly equating women who don't work with having an "overgrown child for a life partner".

You also have to understand that the conversation began in post 88, where the same poster says:
"Yep, women tend to view men who act like children as a negative thing. Growing up in a socially conservative household the men worked all day while the wives did very little throughout the day (with many of the men still doing household chores when they came home). I always viewed it as a strange psychological sickness in men that they not only put up with that, but even want it. I remember reading a slave narrative, and they had one interesting part of the book where the slave overheard a white person bragging to other people that he made enough money that his daughters would never have to work a day in their lives and that'd he do everything in his power to make sure they never had to lift a finger for themselves. He described how much satisfaction this gave the man.
I have some parental masculine instincts, but I do believe I am on the lower end of the spectrum. Or maybe I've just repressed it too much. Regardless, ever since I was a kid, I never wanted to end up like the men I was surrounded by growing up.

 

[Stephen3141]

I use the "x-splaining" term to indicate that someone is asserting that
some explanation is from a very particular point of view, and may
not be impartial, or unbiased.

But, as a term, applying the term to someone is an assertion, that
needs to be demonstrated as True. Or, it can become a form of
slander or gossip.

 

[Flaunge]

I think that's just a buzzword arising from a worldly and antibiblical ideology (feminism). I don't think Christians should adopt such vocabulary or frame issues in such ways. We should leave such words to the world, pun intended

 

[ViaCrucis]

A man explaining something to someone isn't mansplaining.

A man telling a woman who has knowledge in the field, what something is as though she wouldn't know because she's a woman, that's mansplaining. It isn't just an explanation done by a man, it is a patronizing and demeaning act of belittling a woman because she is a woman.

And yes, that is a real experiences women have to put up with. It may not come from a place of intentional malice, it could come from a place of sincerity. But recognize that nobody likes to be spoken down to. Take any field or topic in which you have proficiency--being spoken down to or being condescended toward by someone is at the very least a frustrating experience. Nobody likes to be talked down to, nobody likes to be belittled.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[Open Heart]

My view is “mansplaining” isn’t a thing as it’s from a misandrist mindset. Do you hear any man say to stop “womansplaining”? Nope because it’s not a thing except to show you don’t value the opposite sex explaining their different views on average it’s used only when a woman disagrees with a man’s opinion.

What are your thoughts?

Yes its very much a real thing. Men assume that women don't know stuff and that it is their job to teach us. They do not talk to other men this way.

And yet it is amazing how they suddenly become very stupid when you ask them to do the laundry or get the kids ready for bed or plan thanksgiving. I'm generalizing of course -- there are good men. But too many just don't know how to be in a relationship.

 

[RestoreTheJoy]

Yes its very much a real thing. Men assume that women don't know stuff and that it is their job to teach us. They do not talk to other men this way.

And yet it is amazing how they suddenly become very stupid when you ask them to do the laundry or get the kids ready for bed or plan thanksgiving. I'm generalizing of course -- there are good men. But too many just don't know how to be in a relationship.

You apparently are meeting the wrong men. I don't get treated in that fashion at all, and I've hired contractors for years. Not to say I've never met a condescending male, but they certainly don't get the job. I look at it as "some people are jerks and some are not".

 

[RDKirk]

You apparently are meeting the wrong men. I don't get treated in that fashion at all, and I've hired contractors for years. Not to say I've never met a condescending male, but they certainly don't get the job. I look at it as "some people are jerks and some are not".

I believe that the ratio of racists and sexists to just plain jerks has definitely changed over the last 50 years.

Fifty years ago, people were taught to be polite as a baseline. If a white man was pointedly and deliberately impolite, and you were a woman or black, it was most likely that person was sexist or racist.

Today, people are taught not to be racist or sexist as the baseline, but being abrasive is actually lauded as "keeing it real." If a white man is pointedly and deliberately impolite today, I'm inclined to think it's more likely he's just a jerk. I don't believe Millennials are actually just as or even more racist and sexist than Boomers.

I run into a white Boomers down here in Texas who are very polite to me, will even call me "sir," but I suspect are still racist.

But Millennials are more likely to be just plain jerks...for sure.