what are you feeling right now? (23)

[Tempura]

I can only talk about what i know. I was really just talking about myself. I have no idea what brother Jeshu was referring to exactly.

Same here, talking about my own experiences.

 

[Jeshu]

Good point about fretting. One thing about anger is, that it requires immediate action. It demands things fast and takes a toll on you quickly. There is no patience in it, no room for any other things. Not that any anger can't be normal or even good - it can - but we weren't talking about that here.

I can only talk about what i know. I was really just talking about myself. I have no idea what brother Jeshu was referring to exactly.

The problem with me is that ever since my sexual assault as a kid I have suffered from psychotic rages, all my major psychoses were typified by murderous rages. I don't rage at people on the net or anywhere else or anything, neither do I fret about things, but I mainly rage at myself, hence my often crippling depression. I have raged at my loved ones while fully psychotic, hence my medical tag says - dangerous when psychotic - but normally this doesn't happen. God has also had a few goings over in the past, for which I'm still ashamed, in the end I have mainly directed my rage at satan, which has been the most constructive rage I have displayed in my life time.

I haven't raged for over four years, my psych medication really seemed to keep my anger under control but the last few weeks I have grown more and more irritable with myself again, and my mind has been accusing me non stop with wrong. Even though I'm on 3 times as much meds as I was when I stopped, the rage seems to becoming back again. Yesterday I tried to hand my angry mood over to God and empty myself right out, but I wasn't successful - it only got worse. The anger was literally burning in my soul. It simply bubbles up to overflowing and turned my day into hell.

I was clenching my teeth all day long my whole face hardens when that happens, when it gets really bad I will begin to gnash my teeth and find it impossible to sit still and I will march through my living room in an effort to get rid of the energy/anger/rage that bubbles out of me. Along with going psychotic it is the worst symptom I've got.

In the end I learned to rage at satan this has really helped me calm down over the years and given my a way out when my anger is impossible to contain, but yesterdays anger was not like that, it was fair and square directed at myself and my current circumstances. I literally tear myself to pieces when I go like that.

At the moment I'm feeling a lot calmer but I still clench my teeth at times so I know that the rage is just beneath the surface. Apart of psych medication, a little bit of weed really helps to get me out of my rages, this is why I have struggled with my weed addiction for so long, but otherwise nothing seems to help.

The bible says in your anger do not sin and do not let the sun go down on your anger - I have struggled very hard to make this a reality but so far I haven't been able to contain my rage without the use of some kind of drugs. In my last psychotic episode (four years ago) I cursed God to His face in my mindless rage, I certainly hope I'm not going to go through that again otherwise I might have to cut my tongue off.

My wife is very worried now, last week I had a mild psychotic episode and now the anger seems to be coming back again, she knows I'm taking my meds and she still sees these worrying symptoms flaring up, she doesn't want me to have a major psychotic episode again, neither of us want that to happen, neither do I want to use weed full time again to keep the rage at bay. Lets hope that Jesus is bringing the rage back so that He can deliver me from it, that would certainly be very welcome.

Prayers are very much appreciated.

 

[Extraneous]

The problem with me is that ever since my sexual assault as a kid I have suffered from psychotic rages, all my major psychoses were typified by murderous rages. I don't rage at people on the net or anywhere else or anything, neither do I fret about things, but I mainly rage at myself, hence my often crippling depression. I have raged at my loved ones while fully psychotic, hence my medical tag says - dangerous when psychotic - but normally this doesn't happen. God has also had a few goings over in the past, for which I'm still ashamed, in the end I have mainly directed my rage at satan, which has been the most constructive rage I have displayed in my life time.

I haven't raged for over four years, my psych medication really seemed to keep my anger under control but the last few weeks I have grown more and more irritable with myself again, and my mind has been accusing me non stop with wrong. Even though I'm on 3 times as much meds as I was when I stopped, the rage seems to becoming back again. Yesterday I tried to hand my angry mood over to God and empty myself right out, but I wasn't successful - it only got worse. The anger was literally burning in my soul. It simply bubbles up to overflowing and turned my day into hell.

I was clenching my teeth all day long my whole face hardens when that happens, when it gets really bad I will begin to gnash my teeth and find it impossible to sit still and I will march through my living room in an effort to get rid of the energy/anger/rage that bubbles out of me. Along with going psychotic it is the worst symptom I've got.

In the end I learned to rage at satan this has really helped me calm down over the years and given my a way out when my anger is impossible to contain, but yesterdays anger was not like that, it was fair and square directed at myself and my current circumstances. I literally tear myself to pieces when I go like that.

At the moment I'm feeling a lot calmer but I still clench my teeth at times so I know that the rage is just beneath the surface. Apart of psych medication, a little bit of weed really helps to get me out of my rages, this is why I have struggled with my weed addiction for so long, but otherwise nothing seems to help.

The bible says in your anger do not sin and do not let the sun go down on your anger - I have struggled very hard to make this a reality but so far I haven't been able to contain my rage without the use of some kind of drugs. In my last psychotic episode (four years ago) I cursed God to His face in my mindless rage, I certainly hope I'm not going to go through that again otherwise I might have to cut my tongue off.

My wife is very worried now, last week I had a mild psychotic episode and now the anger seems to be coming back again, she knows I'm taking my meds and she still sees these worrying symptoms flaring up, she doesn't want me to have a major psychotic episode again, neither of us want that to happen, neither do I want to use weed full time again to keep the rage at bay. Lets hope that Jesus is bringing the rage back so that He can deliver me from it, that would certainly be very welcome.

Prayers are very much appreciated.

That sounds tough brother. I have had my moments of rage, but i cant say its the same as yours. Maybe you should smoke a little, i don't really know. Try not to be so hard on yourself, none of us are perfect, i know i sure ain't. Why blame yourself? I do understand your problem a little, i can identify with what you say somewhat. I have my issues and thats why i dont go anywhere anymore, not much anyway. I will pray brother. Just remember, we are all hoping in heaven together, and this world isnt our our home any more, and we just dont seem to fit in it anymore. I dont fit in both as a Christian, and as a person. You have us brother, please try not to despair.

 

[Extraneous]

I sent you a message Jeshu

 

[Extraneous]

I have smoked weed occasionally. I use to smoke it al the time to treat my depression. I quit and would go back to it. It was a process i did many times. I finally quit for a whole year. However one time after that i became so distressed that i bought an ounce of weed and smoked it over the course of two weeks, non stop. It didnt hurt me, but it helped me get through a very bad time. Then when i ran out of weed i endured the withdrawal symptoms, and that was tough. Then after two more weeks i decided not to buy anymore but my old lady wanted to get more, so rather than fight with her i gave in and bought more but told her we had to quit again because it cost too much and we couldn't afford it. WE bought some and it was better than the other stuff. It really relaxed me, and i didnt have the anxious paranoid feeling that the other stuff gave me. IT was really relaxing. After we ran out i didnt even have withdrawl from it. I was surprised. It was a better strain i think. I did quit again after that. My point is that it didnt hurt me and i dont think God was mad at me or anything. All things are lawful, but not all things edify. WE have liberty brother. Sometimes you got to do what you got to do.

 

[Tempura]

My wife is very worried now, last week I had a mild psychotic episode and now the anger seems to be coming back again, she knows I'm taking my meds and she still sees these worrying symptoms flaring up, she doesn't want me to have a major psychotic episode again, neither of us want that to happen, neither do I want to use weed full time again to keep the rage at bay. Lets hope that Jesus is bringing the rage back so that He can deliver me from it, that would certainly be very welcome.

Prayers are very much appreciated.

You've been through hardship, that much is clear. Your wife sounds like a kind, caring woman. I'm glad you have her. Said a prayer for you both.

 

[Extraneous]

Good night everyone. Hoping and praying for us all.

 

[Tempura]

Good night everyone. Hoping and praying for us all.

Good night, and thank you. Gonna eat something and doze off myself too.

 

[Extraneous]

Good night, and thank you. Gonna eat something and doze off myself too.

Me too.

 

[Jeshu]

I hope that Jesus will keep you both safe brothers sleep well.

 

[Extraneous]

I hope that Jesus will keep you both safe brothers sleep well.

Thank you Jeshu. My dinner is in the oven, im waiting for it to get done.

 

[Sevensong]

The problem with me is that ever since my sexual assault as a kid I have suffered from psychotic rages, all my major psychoses were typified by murderous rages. I don't rage at people on the net or anywhere else or anything, neither do I fret about things, but I mainly rage at myself, hence my often crippling depression. I have raged at my loved ones while fully psychotic, hence my medical tag says - dangerous when psychotic - but normally this doesn't happen. God has also had a few goings over in the past, for which I'm still ashamed, in the end I have mainly directed my rage at satan, which has been the most constructive rage I have displayed in my life time.

I haven't raged for over four years, my psych medication really seemed to keep my anger under control but the last few weeks I have grown more and more irritable with myself again, and my mind has been accusing me non stop with wrong. Even though I'm on 3 times as much meds as I was when I stopped, the rage seems to becoming back again. Yesterday I tried to hand my angry mood over to God and empty myself right out, but I wasn't successful - it only got worse. The anger was literally burning in my soul. It simply bubbles up to overflowing and turned my day into hell.

I was clenching my teeth all day long my whole face hardens when that happens, when it gets really bad I will begin to gnash my teeth and find it impossible to sit still and I will march through my living room in an effort to get rid of the energy/anger/rage that bubbles out of me. Along with going psychotic it is the worst symptom I've got.

In the end I learned to rage at satan this has really helped me calm down over the years and given my a way out when my anger is impossible to contain, but yesterdays anger was not like that, it was fair and square directed at myself and my current circumstances. I literally tear myself to pieces when I go like that.

At the moment I'm feeling a lot calmer but I still clench my teeth at times so I know that the rage is just beneath the surface. Apart of psych medication, a little bit of weed really helps to get me out of my rages, this is why I have struggled with my weed addiction for so long, but otherwise nothing seems to help.

The bible says in your anger do not sin and do not let the sun go down on your anger - I have struggled very hard to make this a reality but so far I haven't been able to contain my rage without the use of some kind of drugs. In my last psychotic episode (four years ago) I cursed God to His face in my mindless rage, I certainly hope I'm not going to go through that again otherwise I might have to cut my tongue off.

My wife is very worried now, last week I had a mild psychotic episode and now the anger seems to be coming back again, she knows I'm taking my meds and she still sees these worrying symptoms flaring up, she doesn't want me to have a major psychotic episode again, neither of us want that to happen, neither do I want to use weed full time again to keep the rage at bay. Lets hope that Jesus is bringing the rage back so that He can deliver me from it, that would certainly be very welcome.

Prayers are very much appreciated.

I'm so sorry. Praying for you. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but some of these psych drugs can actually cause as well as aggravate irritability and rage. I know your anger has very understandable concrete causes in your past, but they can still cause and inflame physical symptoms. It might be worth talking to your doctor about this, as well as doing some of your own research. I think, at the least, people should know about the myriad and convoluted side effects of these drugs. Forewarned is forearmed. God's blessings to you.

 

[Sevensong]

I'm trying to keep it together. I've been calmer today, but also struggling. I've been so busy with classes all day long - I've barely had time for prayer or Bible reading, except early in the morning. Now I'm having issues with my roommates again - not being understanding, inviting someone over though I told them I need to finish a paper by Thursday. Just their attitude of indifference is more bothersome than anything else. It triggers horrible feelings from the past when people treat me badly. Bringing up a lot of false, evil beliefs about myself, and unbearable pain, frustration, anger (at myself as well as them, and hatred of myself because everyone seems to hate me, or that's how it feels), and hopelessness, of course. I'm still worried about the recent suicidality, even though I try to put on a brave face. No one around me knows about it. I hope I can talk to a counselor in depth soon.

I really want to continue in God's work and healing. But I have so much due in the next few days, a midterm exam tomorrow and another Thursday, the paper that's due Thursday....I don't want to get caught up and ensnared in all this only to be dragged off the path of healing again. At the same time, though I want to address and keep in check my spiritual and psychological needs, I can't let everything slide or disaster will strike. I need to find a way to intersperse spiritual activities throughout my day.

 

[look4hope]

Tough stuff to read here. With out saying too much, I want to say y'all are so brave and have such strength to open up with your stories. Some of them, I can relate to-- a toughy for me to share, but I'm glad to see Caring folk Around to offer prayers & an ear.

I've been struggling a bit the last two weeks. Mild depression is being a pain in the behind.
Trying to shake it off but no luck yet.

 

[Victorium]

The problem with me is that ever since my sexual assault as a kid I have suffered from psychotic rages, all my major psychoses were typified by murderous rages. I don't rage at people on the net or anywhere else or anything, neither do I fret about things, but I mainly rage at myself, hence my often crippling depression. I have raged at my loved ones while fully psychotic, hence my medical tag says - dangerous when psychotic - but normally this doesn't happen. God has also had a few goings over in the past, for which I'm still ashamed, in the end I have mainly directed my rage at satan, which has been the most constructive rage I have displayed in my life time.

I haven't raged for over four years, my psych medication really seemed to keep my anger under control but the last few weeks I have grown more and more irritable with myself again, and my mind has been accusing me non stop with wrong. Even though I'm on 3 times as much meds as I was when I stopped, the rage seems to becoming back again. Yesterday I tried to hand my angry mood over to God and empty myself right out, but I wasn't successful - it only got worse. The anger was literally burning in my soul. It simply bubbles up to overflowing and turned my day into hell.

I was clenching my teeth all day long my whole face hardens when that happens, when it gets really bad I will begin to gnash my teeth and find it impossible to sit still and I will march through my living room in an effort to get rid of the energy/anger/rage that bubbles out of me. Along with going psychotic it is the worst symptom I've got.

In the end I learned to rage at satan this has really helped me calm down over the years and given my a way out when my anger is impossible to contain, but yesterdays anger was not like that, it was fair and square directed at myself and my current circumstances. I literally tear myself to pieces when I go like that.

At the moment I'm feeling a lot calmer but I still clench my teeth at times so I know that the rage is just beneath the surface. Apart of psych medication, a little bit of weed really helps to get me out of my rages, this is why I have struggled with my weed addiction for so long, but otherwise nothing seems to help.

The bible says in your anger do not sin and do not let the sun go down on your anger - I have struggled very hard to make this a reality but so far I haven't been able to contain my rage without the use of some kind of drugs. In my last psychotic episode (four years ago) I cursed God to His face in my mindless rage, I certainly hope I'm not going to go through that again otherwise I might have to cut my tongue off.

My wife is very worried now, last week I had a mild psychotic episode and now the anger seems to be coming back again, she knows I'm taking my meds and she still sees these worrying symptoms flaring up, she doesn't want me to have a major psychotic episode again, neither of us want that to happen, neither do I want to use weed full time again to keep the rage at bay. Lets hope that Jesus is bringing the rage back so that He can deliver me from it, that would certainly be very welcome.

Prayers are very much appreciated.

I'm worried about you Jeshu and your wife also. You're a good man with a kind heart. I will be praying for you that God deliver you from this terrible torment that you're in.

I understand what you are going through as I have had to deal with rage too many years ago. I just want to say Jeshu that you are not alone on this. Stay close to Jesus during this time as he will give you strength & courage to fight your battles.

God give you peace and healing.

 

[Victorium]

My point is that it didnt hurt me and i dont think God was mad at me or anything. All things are lawful, but not all things edify. WE have liberty brother. Sometimes you got to do what you got to do.

I know you mean well Extraneous, though weed may work for you, it can cause many people to go over board. I have seen it and I have experienced it. Sure it can be beneficial short term, but long term it has been known to trigger serious mental illness and depression in those that are predisposed so it's not a good idea to recommend it to people as a treatment for mental illness as it can make it worse in the long run.

May God be with you and help you in your struggles. God bless!

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, (Romans 5:3-4).

 

[Jeshu]

Thank you everybody with all your concerns, prayers and support I really appreciate that. This is what knits us together in our common struggle with bad life all around us. I see love, compassion and concern for our fellow being displayed here and that really warms my heart.

Today I found out that I have copper poisoning, from the acidic rainwater going through our copper pipes. All the the psychiatric symptoms I got are part of or linked to copper poisoning so we might be on a winner here.

I'm going on a major diet and special vitamins course to replenish my magnesium, vitamins B complex and zinc levels and detox my liver and we are getting a filter to alkaline our drinking and washing water. It all makes a lot of sense, I we did notice these blue green stains on our tiles in the shower recess, but didn't know about copper poisoning.

I so hope that it has been copper poisoning that caused my illness to flare up and give me such a hard time because then I can get better from it, because I have copper poisoning and we can stop that from continuing completely.

 

[Victorium]

Thank you everybody with all your concerns, prayers and support I really appreciate that. This is what knits us together in our common struggle with bad life all around us. I see love, compassion and concern for our fellow being displayed here and that really warms my heart.

Today I found out that I have copper poisoning, from the acidic rainwater going through our copper pipes. All the the psychiatric symptoms I got are part of or linked to copper poisoning so we might be on a winner here.

I'm going on a major diet and special vitamins course to replenish my magnesium, vitamins B complex and zinc levels and detox my liver and we are getting a filter to alkaline our drinking and washing water. It all makes a lot of sense, I we did notice these blue green stains on our tiles in the shower recess, but didn't know about copper poisoning.

I so hope that it has been copper poisoning that caused my illness to flare up and give me such a hard time because then I can get better from it, because I have copper poisoning and we can stop that from continuing completely.

Jeshu can you afford to buy a good water filter so you don't get copper poisoning? I bought a good Stefani water filter from Bunnings - I think it cost me under a $100. In fact Bunnings has a range of water filters for sale.

Also is it possible to get your doctor to prescribe folinic acid for you as this may help you. Folinic acid is a special form of vitamin B9 and can in certain case help in the treatment of anxiety. Click here: How a vitamin cured my anxiety.

Praying for you healing Jeshu.

 

[Jeshu]

Jeshu can you afford to buy a good water filter so you don't get copper poisoning? I bought a good Stefani water filter from Bunnings - I think it cost me under a $100. In fact Bunnings has a range of water filters for sale.

Also is it possible to get your doctor to prescribe folinic acid for you as this may help you. Folinic acid is a special form of vitamin B9 and can in certain case help in the treatment of anxiety. Click here: How a vitamin cured my anxiety.

Praying for you healing Jeshu.

Yes we are looking into getting a filter. We saw a new model that works for around 12 months before it needs a recharge and cost only 35 dollars, not sure if Bunnings carry it though but will check.

I'm on special detox tablets now and also vitamin C and B complex with a range of other supplements including zinc and magnesium. Hoping the effort will pay off. It were my physical symptoms such as clenching/gnashing of the teeth, insomnia and nausea that gave the whole thing away.

 

[Victorium]

Yes we are looking into getting a filter. We saw a new model that works for around 12 months before it needs a recharge and cost only 35 dollars, not sure if Bunnings carry it though but will check.

I'm on special detox tablets now and also vitamin C and B complex with a range of other supplements including zinc and magnesium. Hoping the effort will pay off. It were my physical symptoms such as clenching/gnashing of the teeth, insomnia and nausea that gave the whole thing away.

Just make sure you get a good water filter that is reliable even if you have to pay a bit extra and I hope those vitamin and mineral supplements work.