"What are you depressed about?"

[cruztacean]

Don't you just HATE that question? I do. When you have a biochemical imbalance in your brain, you don't have to be depressed *about* anything. It just happens. It's like asking an epileptic what he/she is having a seizure about.

"But you're so lucky. You have your husband, and a good home...."

"Cheer up. Life is too short to be so miserable."

"It's all in the way you think. If anyone had anything to be depressed about, I do. I have this problem and that problem....but I CHOOSE to be happy."

"But...if you're doing so well...then how come you still have to take medication and see a psychiatrist?"

Can anyone add to this list of things NOT to say when someone is depressed? Does anyone have a way to handle them?

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I don't consider myself to be depressed any more, but I was for several years. I think the worst part of it was waking up every morning feeling rather like I had been hit by a truck -- I was exhausted ALL the time. One of my [former] friends told me he thought it was all "in my head" and that I would stop being exhausted all the time if I just stopped thinking that I was.

A different person used to condenscendingly ask me "have you taken your meds today" whenever I "acted differently" ........... that REALLY annoyed me.

 

[mmreed]

My biggest issue is when people say "Just STOP being that way" and they get upset with me because I cannot simply flip a switch and turn it off.

People also say "Im so tired of you not seeing the positive things and the blessings in your life"

and then the worst... they claim that "my attitude" is bringing THEM down.

If there was a switch I could flip to turn all of this off, dont you think I would have flipped it LONG AGO?!!??!?!

 

[He_is_my_Refuge]

I have heard some of those comments. I guess it's best to avoid such people. Perhaps we should liken these comments to telling someone with cancer that they can control it. It's a physical problem. We just don't have ways of measuring it yet.

I find limiting my exposure to such people is the best course of action. They may never "get it." And I'm taxed enough battling depression...

HIMR

 

[chaelsworld0o]

People who haven't ever been depressed say those things because they see life differently. They can't relate to people who are presently or have been in the past.

Sometimes you just have to ignore comments like that. They are just trying to help even though they come off as annoying, and ignorant.

Depression is real. A lot of people can't handle that it is a real thing. The devil trys to take down whoever he can whenever he can! Sometimes he does it by depression. It's a terrible thing to be attacked by... but God of course can defeat it! Whether he uses it with medicenes, vitamins, counseling, or just by praying to Him.

So basically ignoring the comments or not taking them seriously, or even put yourself in their spot.

 

[uniquetadpole]

I am glad you posted this...I read the title and was thinking...do I actually have to have an answer for that? Why can't I simply be depressed and not know why and that be okay? So...I am very greatful this post was different than I had first expected!!!!

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

People who haven't ever been depressed say those things because they see life differently. They can't relate to people who are presently or have been in the past.

Sometimes you just have to ignore comments like that. They are just trying to help even though they come off as annoying, and ignorant.

Depression is real. A lot of people can't handle that it is a real thing. The devil trys to take down whoever he can whenever he can! Sometimes he does it by depression. It's a terrible thing to be attacked by... but God of course can defeat it! Whether he uses it with medicenes, vitamins, counseling, or just by praying to Him.

So basically ignoring the comments or not taking them seriously, or even put yourself in their spot.

My friend is depressed right now; her father doesn't believe in depression and is constantly telling her that "Christians can't be depressed" -- which is obviously NOT helping her at all and just making her feel worse about it. I believe he has also discouraged her from taking medications and going to therapy. It is ridiculous.

 

[cruztacean]

Tad: That's why "What are you depressed about?" was in quotes. You're right. What a stupid question. "What are you epileptic about?" "What are you pregnant about?" "What are you having a heart attack about?" Those questions don't get asked.

Nuts: "Have you taken your meds today?" Complete with the condescending voice.... Yes, I hate that one too, although not quite as bad, because at least they're acknowledging that it's a medical illness. The trouble is, even with a medical illness, our emotions are perfectly legitimate and should not be discounted because "well, she's sick, so she's acting funny...."

Example with my uncle, who has a mental illness: He was trying to get his son to finish his vegetables, and told him he wouldn't get anything more to eat until breakfast. My grandmother directly interfered: "We'll just order pizza later." To which my uncle quite understandably responded, "MOTHER!!!! Don't undermine me with my son." Was my grandmother deterred? Nope. "That's just Dan, he's sick, don't pay any attention to his temper." Sick he may be, but he still had reason to be angry.

And, nuts, I pray for your friend. What a father! If she was diabetic, would he tell her not to take her insulin or go to an endocrinologist? I hope not. Unfortunately, as I mentioned on other threads, "You're not really saved, or else you wouldn't be depressed" is a common misconception among Christians.

Yeah, I guess ignoring them is the thing to do, but it's good to have each other to share with, isn't it?

 

[Hidden face_Hurting heart]

Wow...I get SO many of these kind of questions. I hid my depression from my family for YEARS because I was afraid of their reaction. Well, they found out last year, and I was right, lol. Now I'm back to hiding it and pretending I'm "cured". After they found out my little sister kept asking why I needed meds "Depression isn't even real, it's just in your head, why would you need medicine?" (my other 3 siblings refused to acknowledge it)
My parents: "You just need to choose to be happy." "All you do is sit in your room and feel sorry for yourself." "You're just being lazy- if you were doing more things you wouldn't be depressed- get a job" "Your depression isn't the family's problem, you're just being selfish" "I don't want to spend money on counseling if you're not getting better- it's your choice to get better"
Others: "Look at all the poor, sick, and dying people in the world. They have a right to be depressed, not you- you're being ungrateful." "Yuo have such a good life, why would you be depressed?" And all manner of questions like that...it drives me CRAZY, especially people who say that Christians shouldn't have depression.
I don't know how to deal with it...so I hide it and pretend I'm fine, even on days I have to talk myself through breathing. Sometimes it's almost like I forget how to breathe lol.

 

[cruztacean]

Oooooh, I'd like to have a good hard talk with your parents.....

 

[Hidden face_Hurting heart]

 

[Achichem]

Well first, yes that was certainly one of the most frustrating and annoying sayings I heard when I was depressed; however, after my recent experiences I have found some of the derivatives may not be as off as I use to think they were.

Feel free to ignore the next bit, If you don't like the sound of were this is going Even though you probably already did, if this applies to you

"But you're so lucky. You have your husband, and a good home...."
Come on, they honestly want to help, it kind of cute isn't it? still, the truth of the matter is we really do have the potential to change, even if we have no idea where to start, though their really need to learn their not helping us with a grocery list. As if what we need is more lists to "think" about.

"Cheer up. Life is too short to be so miserable."
Now, this person is so in the denial phase, which is actually far worst then depression IMO, so I actual feel a little sorry for them (even though I've been oft known to want to ring their neck when they say it) yet, the truth of the statement is that part of knowing your depressed is choosing to be cheerful (not that it helps much when you know no other way >( brain chemistry's locked)

Fun answer: "Yeah, so what's your worst experience?" <wait for their eyes to search and find> "that's right!!!" "now grow it ten times, twenty, forty..." <just when you see the horror hit> "DIIIIIIIINNNG!!!!!" <how's it feel buddy>

"It's all in the way you think. If anyone had anything to be depressed about, I do. I have this problem and that problem....but I CHOOSE to be happy."
These people are actually right, it's just too bad 9/10 them are lying(to feel temporarily better about themselves) and if they aren't, I know what your thinking, I thinking it to: please for the sake of all that is Holy, explain this "happy" thing in a little more detail, I mean really if it was like choosing a "happy meal" I think I may have figured it out by now, a six year old could. After all, I mean if I am to "CHOOSE" I'm changing my bloody brain chemistry here, so I think there just a bit more too it. All true, cept lucky for us, when you do meet the 1/10 they almost always will WALK you through it Though truth be told of the ones I've meet few actually would ever say something like that when you feel like garbage....they'll first show you a heighten state, then teach you the grunt work. yet, you never know....

"But...if you're doing so well...then how come you still have to take medication and see a psychiatrist?"
Actually, I think that's a good question, but I also understand the answer: I'm trapped, and I need the medication to stay level, and the "psychiatrist" is studied in people like me, so they can help, right?....(it just too bad 9/10 time, the psychiatrist interests are hardly ever your BEST interest, and the underlying problems are never solved, keeping me/you on what can then be called useless(though necessary) drugs; now if you have a good psychiatrist and it's temporary, well then of course that's different)

Does anyone have a way to handle them?
Well that just depends on what you want to do to them? mirror back your frustration, give them a taste, get them to shut up (though that suggestion may be illegal )?

 

[cruztacean]

Tsar: There was nothing to "ignore" in your post. I found it very helpful, entertaining, and informative. Thank you.

 

[Norma_Jean]

When I get depressed (usually about being single), the following lines should be used only if you have a deathwish:

"There are plenty of fish in the sea." (I don't want a fish, I want a young woman)

"God has someone for you." (And He chose to give YOU the memo because...?)

"Plenty of girls like you, dude." (Operative word: like)

"Love is the most wonderful feeling in the world." (I know. I'd like to feel it. You're not helping.)

"Women aren't worth it!" (...*gets a knife and chases individual*)

Usually, when these are used, I reply sarcastically. I shouldn't, but I do.