What are the best things to do in order to be content being alone?

J Daniel said:

I can be direct to be honest it depends on my mood................but I want to find out about her............so maybe a *Hi, how long have you been at this church for?*............something like that................

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Be natural. Like you’re doing now. You don’t need a script. You’re overthinking. The conversation will zig and zag. Watch how she responds to you. What subjects pull her in? Sometimes its easier if you’ve interacted in a group. You’ve had an opportunity to break the ice.

Fearless.....this is where I need Christ......It is amazing because before all of this I was VERY upfront to women (for wrong reasons maybe) but now I have good intentions to really know somebody I have the entire *scared crush feeling* lol I do need to step up and man up on many fronts.

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I think that’s more commonplace with unsaved men. I’ve never seen it with Christian ones. Seriously. Most are more reserved.

Yeah - by nature men must lead in these things..............................sametime I don't like when women (SOME NOT ALL) act like they are too good to be spoken too - so I would like to think in the Christian sense it is a different cos we are all under Christ. Chemistry is chemistry......laws of attraction is laws of attraction. Again - i just want to know about her that is all!

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Don’t sweat it. She’s doing you a favor. You don’t have to waste time with her and can look elsewhere.

While I believe men should lead and I’m comfortable in that position. Others may feel differently. You have to feel her out. There are Christian feminists.

Are you getting excited now?

J Daniel said:

I did feel lil guilty in the service cos I felt like I was concentrating on her rather than Christ.........so I did pray today to make it clear to focus on service and worship and my soul rebuilding and deal with socialising with her afterwards.

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Good. That’s important. I’m glad you addressed it just in case. It’s easy to form distractions if you get carried away.

Well it is nice when women feel that a man should lead - it is a biblical aspect to it. A man being the head of the house and being the leader spiritually etc etc etc I run far away from feminists (Christian or not) cos that is a problem. Not saying women can not have a voice but in today's broken world feminists are not something I want to build with. A FEMININE WOMAN is a DIFFERENT STORY! Do almost anything for a feminine woman <3 (especially a Christian one!)

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All the men I’ve dated felt the same. That was true before I came to Christ and they weren’t saved. I’m not into power struggles or feminism either. A godly man who understands His divine design and embraces it is very attractive. But rare.

I hope you see her and you have a chance to talk.

J Daniel said:

Could you give some examples when you say *everything* I am sorry understand I just want understanding.

I understand Matthew says that we should seek God first and everything else will follow.

I do feel that we should still try to seek *but have the Lord at the top of all things*

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To me, it means Luke 9:23-24 - Then he said to them all: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it."

And the word, "life" rendered in verse 24 is actually the Greek word for soul. (mind, will, and emotions) In other words, it's a great exchange for Christ's life for ours. And we do it by faith. Not in a strict religious sense, but by a relationship, continually yielding ourselves to God. Yeah, sometimes it's painful but the blessings far outweigh all that. When we make Jesus truly Lord of our lives, then there's nothing that can ever compare.

J Daniel said:

So, in your view, what is the best approach? What should I say and do?

Or rephrase - how would YOU want a man to approach you in church?

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If you don't know her well enough to know the answers to these questions, I would go easy and pray and do good things with various Christian people in your church, and see if and how this has you getting to know and trust people.

Possibly, you do not know if she is already in a relationship, maybe online or with a guy in another church.

Why are you attracted? Hopefully, it is not what brought you together with the one in an immoral relationship.

May be, in any case, we need to not hurry to isolate ourselves with someone, but share in the presence of ones we know and trust.

J Daniel said:

Thank you for your words.

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You’re welcome.

It’s good that you’re moving away from the past and developing an attraction for godly women. And desire to grow deeper in Him and fellowship with others. That’s a balanced approach.

PS. Physical attraction comes from God.

How to be content while single?

Be a master baker!


Get a good hobby, seriously.

J Daniel said:

I think she looks good (sounds shallow) but first thing i see. She appears to have a nice manner.

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Gentle and humble and sensitive and sweetly caring and compassionate with any and all people, I would say, is a good manner. We want a lady who is a Jesus love lady, and this means she is going to care about a lot of different people (Matthew 5:46); we need to make this sacrifice to Jesus, how we welcome her to love all the different families and children and even enemies who Jesus cares about and died for, and suffered like He did for all these people, with hope for all of us > love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7).

I have a lady who is like this, and often I erase myself so she is free to share with and care for her different family people and others; having her means God is trusting me to honor her and welcome her to love. The way she is with people she is helping is sweet. But then I can get an ear-full about how they are being selfish and taking advantage of her; but also I can enjoy knowing and hearing about the ones who are her special friends > and, again, I know God is trusting me to make sure I keep her free to be with the different special people who are so good for her.

But she loves them all. When she complains about someone, she is not dumping the person, but cares about the person. And this is good for me, since I am first to just be critical, and not have compassion. And she does confront selfish people.

So, I'm saying, why don't you tell me what is wrong with me and criticize and confront me about how I am wrong?? She says she doesn't see it. So, then I have to give her a lecture about how I can putting on an act and she needs to be able to tell the difference lololololololol

LaBèlla said:

PS. Physical attraction comes from God.

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God does give us "richly all things to enjoy." (in 1 Timothy 6:17) And yes if He wants ones together, He will have them interested in being together. But there is lust which is not God's attraction. And our Apostle Paul says how to relate > "not in passion of lust" > in 1 Thessalonians 4:5. So, I consider, even if two belong with each other, they need to grow on God's love so they are not going with lust, but love.

There was one I was crazy about, but she kept getting with someone else, then breaking up . . . even knowing how I was interested in her. But then I realized my attraction was a "toys for boys" thing. And I thought of how Paul says "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things." (1 Corinthians 13:11)

So, by being attracted to her act, I was missing out on how to love. But I got wise to this, then got with my lady friend. I would say love keeps us together. And this is way better than lust and pleasure stuff. But there is always needing more correction and maturing.

So, you might see if you are helping each other get more real with God, the way the Bible says we can share with God, plus see how you are helping one another find out how to love any and all people while you learn how to share personally with each other > "without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life" (in Philippians 2:13-16).

So, yes we will need to keep finding out, more and more, how real loving is. We will outgrow a thing or two, that now can seem so impressive to us!

timewerx said:

Get a good hobby, seriously.

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This can work . . . for a while. But as we get more personal with different people, in caring for them > this is more challenging and takes more creativity than relating with a hobby or an adrenaline rush activity. Learning how to love is the most interesting and worthwhile challenge and education we can get

com7fy8 said:

So, I consider, even if two belong with each other, they need to grow on God's love so they are not going with lust, but love.

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I was not addressing lust in that comment. I included it because of his remark. I’ve seen it often. There’s nothing wrong with being physically attracted to someone. It’s normal.

But there are some who make men feel bad about what attracts them. This is true in Christian and secular circles. I’ve encountered it in both.

J Daniel said:

I want that attractive (in my eyes) Godly woman.

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Ditto. Godly man of course. ;-)

I agree with what you said earlier that we must take action at the same time to find that person (that is a believer).

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That’s faith and works in action. You can’t sit in a corner and pray she’ll arrive. I notice people too If I encountered someone who really stood out for me I’d say hello. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But, like I said, in order for me to fulfil my ambition to know people I am interested in - I have to come out my comfort zone and talk to them.

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Absolutely. And you’re building your confidence and courage each time you do. That’s a win/win!

Yeah physical attraction sure is. Gravitational pull.

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Yeah. I know they say we feel differently. But I missed that memo. Physical attraction doesn’t escape my notice.

Cos, end of the day, I can pray to God for me and her to cross paths but we are in same church so for me to make a move (in a positive manner!)

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You’ll make a friend or something else. She could lead you to what you’re seeking. It’s good to be honorable. You never know what will happen.

J Daniel said:

But, when we are attracted to somebody - you have to ask (I am speaking about Christians) what made you like that man or woman?

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Truthfully, I do this with all attractions. The reasons may be good or bad and I won’t know unless I ask the question.

Their looks? (physical) Their knowledge? (Cos I have seen some women do some Bible studies on YouTube and I tell you now if I could date them I would! Cos their knowledge was amazing). There are many factors.

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Both of those of course. But what catches my eye and keeps it is confidence. Not the sort borne of ego but self-awareness. Oftentimes maturity and wisdom are part of the picture and I value that.

TBH, I am no expert but humans are simple.................if we get affection from somebody we like and you have the same beliefs and interests it is a sure fire hit that the two of you will want to be together!

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If given the choice I’ll take a complement every time. I want someone who isn’t afraid to push and challenge me. And can accept the same himself. The mutual stretching betters us each. Our spiritual fruit will multiply as a result.

In the past - I remember I used to be with a Turkish woman (she was mild Islamic) now I was 23 at the time - and as BEAUTIFUL as she was I knew it would not work for us.

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I know someone like that. He’s gorgeous, intelligent, and ticks most of my boxes. Save God. It can never be. I won’t forsake Him.

How we met? It was via a mutual friend - i saw her and fell for her she was really beautiful and she liked me.

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How funny. My friend knew him as well and immediately recognized his interest. I’ve learned a lot through him and have grown in my faith and as a woman. For that I’m grateful.

Humans are simple.......................

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I used to say my complexity is in my simplicity. I think it still fits.

I just want Christ to guide me - but BAPTISM is a must for me!

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It’s a new beginning. That old life is dead.

Well what makes you say that it is unwise to pursue someone else?

J Daniel said:

Yes - long distance does do that unfortunately.

I really do want to create Godly relationships with people IN PERSON. This is why I said there is somebody at my church I have a small interest in but I don't think it is wise for me at this moment.

But, I want to be more sociable as well - and talk to people (cos I go to the mid week Bible study at my church too).

I think all these aspects will take time.

I will participate in more church activities - I have attended a few things - it does help the mind and soul.

My ULTIMATE goal in life is to be married to a woman that is a believer in Christ! But - I feel my mind is already forward in that moment when I should be living this current season.......................

That is why I want to be content alone.

It would appear baptism is a big thing people are saying must be done - I just don't want it to be a waste of water and just a WASH! There are other cylinders that must be operating here too.

When you say I need to be action oriented - are you talking around the church? or in general? Action oriented - talking to Christians in person? Building relationships in that way?

Forgive me if I seem slow right now - understand my confidence and esteem took a savage hit after the break up (especially with how it happened but that is for another thread).

I am very much rebuilding from the ground up.

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Baptism isn't to change you. It is an outward statement that you are a new man and are going to live the Christian life you claimed when you asked Jesus to be your Lord. Baptism is just telling others publicly that you intend to set your heart on following Christ. Now, would be the perfect time. You still have the old man to shed.

As for what to do now, learn how to serve others. Prepare yourself to be a Godly man in your next relationship. You don't do that by jumping into a new relationship but by learning to put others (not just those you are attracted to) ahead of you. Ask at church for volunteering opportunities. It might be visiting an old man who can't get out of his house much and assisting with things around his house. It might be serving in some capacity at the church. It might be a churchwide volunteer activity like a mission trip to an inner city area, or cleaning up a park, or an event like a dance for special needs adults.

I think this is probably a time for you to grow as a Christian so that you have the tools to be a Christian spouse one day. It is easier if following God is already your habit than trying to learn how to follow God when your GF is pulling you in a different direction.

Good luck.