Dear BloodFire. I know what you mean, and I understand your wanting to know. The Bible says, that God will make provision, and we know that God sees our hearts, and knows our every thought and wish. I also know that I am a coward, like the Disciples were, after Jesus was crucified. But they saw Jesus again, they knew He was not dead, and they were given the Holy Spirit, which made them strong and brave. Yet I sometimes wonder, would I be like them? I do not know, BloodFire, but I believe that God promised us, that He will make provision. I would not be too terrified to love the Lord, but I would remember Jesus`s Words to us, " be ye wise as serpents, but gentle as doves." I would ask the Lord daily, to protect me, but I would certainly invite Jesus, into my heart, and trust Him to lead me back to God. I say this humbly and lovingly, and send greetings. Emmy, sister in Christ.