Weird things that never happened. :)

[stevendrake]

I like to laugh and would wager you do to. Tell everyone something weird that probably didn't happen. The more silly the better. Just something fun and amusing. True or fiction it doesn't matter.



EXAMPLES:



marshaisfaithful: I was walking across the roof of the White house yesterday (as I do everyday) and suddenly a bird hits me with french fries. Somehow my front became my back and visa versa. Then I fell off the roof and sprang my funny bone. The pain was minimal and the insurance is covering it. Reconstructive front to back surgery will begin next week. I am optimistic.

joelovesgod: I wore the same socks for three days and suddenly there was an air of rose pedals and strawberries.

 

[eGlory]

I was climbing up our antennae to sit up on our roof - just for fun - I would imagine that I fell and I would have to concentrate harder to really NOT fall. I never actually fell.

 

[eGlory]

I have never broken a bone in my body.

 

[eGlory]

I am 42 and have no cavities.

 

[JPPT1974]

I am 33 and never had a speeding ticket in my life yet!

 

[Gongfarmer]

I've never eaten 13 cakes

 

[Gongfarmer]

I once wrestled a bear covered in jam

 

[Gongfarmer]

I punched an alligator in the face.

 

[MrFreshdew]

drove me chevy to the levy,but it was full of cherry pie,untill i ate it all

 

[eGlory]

I was walking along on marshmellow fluff - and then I started to fly in the sky past the treetops and I landed on a cloud where I laid down and dreamed I was writing this.

 

[eGlory]

I was swimming in our fishbowl the other day and found a tiny gem that sparkled in the water - it was made of black feathers!

 

[stevendrake]

Well, let me start by saying "bowling irons don't work".

Just the other day I got lost in the woods. All I had was a couple of frozen pizzas, a waffle iron and some yarn. (standard hiking equipment, I know) Suddenly I run across a jackalope trail. (For those of you who don't know, thats the animal that steals various items from the dryer at night... aka, the missing socks) Suddenly I realize, I am about to be rich. What, with all the scientific and press recognition I will recieve. Not to mention all the happy reunions of people with their long lost tube socks. So, I am clearing the brush out of my way with my 1743 vintage waffle iron. Then out of nowhere, up pops the infamous yarn troll, steals my yarn that I had had for 72 years and feeds my pizza to his pet pig knuckle. His name was Allabobbawhentogetme I think. Anyway, with no waffle to guide me, no yarn for warmth and no pizza for fragerance I lost the trail. It took me seven years to find my way back out of central park. Someday I will catch him and prove it to the world or at least myself.

The moral?
Never fly a chicken coop where the clouds are on the opposite side of everything.

 

[ICor1311]

I saw a bird swim low and catch a fish out of the river. The fish was very heavy and the bird was fighting hard to fly higher. As the bird was still flying low, the fish pulled a worm out of the ground. I thought, "I wish I had my camera. I could make thousands on the discovery channel!"

 

[ICor1311]

I grabbed my fishin pole and went down to the crick. I got there and a big bear drank up all the water. Then a squirrel starting throwing acorns at me and bopping me in the head. The raccoon asked why I wanted to catch Mr Fish. I told the raccoon I was hungry. So the raccoon invited me over to his crib and we ate burgers. I told the raccoon those were the best burgers I'd done tasted. He said they should be, because I threw the leftovers in my trash last night.

 

[ICor1311]

I used to live in the town called Common Sense. I was in the county of Meaning. It was here that I would drive on a driveway and park on a parkway.

 

[JPPT1974]

I lived in a place called Pigville
Where everybody was pigs
They didn't take their trash out to the dump
As well as we ate raw meat and raw food
But also never took showers and stunk like pigs
You wouldn't believe that.
Plus, we would act like a bunch of pigs and not work and have garbage pile all around.

 

[ICor1311]

I used to ride my bigwheel down the sidewalk really fast and slam on the brakes to make my plastic wheel flat. My mom asked why i did that. I told her i wanted my bigwheel to be like uncle bob's car in the yard with the flat tire. Except you couldn't see uncle bob's car because of all the grass and weeds.

 

[eGlory]

Well, let me start by saying "bowling irons don't work".

Just the other day I got lost in the woods. All I had was a couple of frozen pizzas, a waffle iron and some yarn. (standard hiking equipment, I know) Suddenly I run across a jackalope trail. (For those of you who don't know, thats the animal that steals various items from the dryer at night... aka, the missing socks) Suddenly I realize, I am about to be rich. What, with all the scientific and press recognition I will recieve. Not to mention all the happy reunions of people with their long lost tube socks. So, I am clearing the brush out of my way with my 1743 vintage waffle iron. Then out of nowhere, up pops the infamous yarn troll, steals my yarn that I had had for 72 years and feeds my pizza to his pet pig knuckle. His name was Allabobbawhentogetme I think. Anyway, with no waffle to guide me, no yarn for warmth and no pizza for fragerance I lost the trail. It took me seven years to find my way back out of central park. Someday I will catch him and prove it to the world or at least myself.

The moral?
Never fly a chicken coop where the clouds are on the opposite side of everything.

Ya know, I believe every word...

 

[eGlory]

I lived in a place called Pigville
Where everybody was pigs
They didn't take their trash out to the dump
As well as we ate raw meat and raw food
But also never took showers and stunk like pigs
You wouldn't believe that.
Plus, we would act like a bunch of pigs and not work and have garbage pile all around.

When were you at my house??? lol

 

[eGlory]

I saw my pet worm - pulled him out of the ground and said 'hello'. He winked at me and I put him back but in some fresh rich black soil. He thanked me then. I believe he is happier because of it. Sometimes we all need to be re-planted and put in better soil.