Wedding question....

[cmarie423]

Hi guys!
I'm always in and out of here. Like a ghost....wooooo. Haha. Kidding aside, my fiance and I are going to get married in the church but we live together already have children and all that (I'm aware of the wrong doing, thanks) BUT the office told me that we need to do engaged encounter and with three kids that seems pretty much impossible. I'm going to ask the priest about this but isn't there some way we can do something else or have this waved. We've been together for the past 4 and a half years I would hope this weekend thing wouldn't mess up our getting married.

 

[Michie]

Shoot! I thought you guys were long married by now. Just talk to the priest but as far as I know there has to be some form of counseling before marriage.

Hi guys!
I'm always in and out of here. Like a ghost....wooooo. Haha. Kidding aside, my fiance and I are going to get married in the church but we live together already have children and all that (I'm aware of the wrong doing, thanks) BUT the office told me that we need to do engaged encounter and with three kids that seems pretty much impossible. I'm going to ask the priest about this but isn't there some way we can do something else or have this waved. We've been together for the past 4 and a half years I would hope this weekend thing wouldn't mess up our getting married.

 

[cmarie423]

Right!? I wish we were too but my ex took literally FOREVER to sign custody papers for my oldest which is why it took so long. We're totally fine with whatever, but hopefully we can get out of EE because seriously there is no way my 1 year old would let me out of his sight for that long. I can hardly get groceries without him. Not to mention we really don't have sitters. :/ We were just going to do it civilly but if I can not make another mistake I'd like to keep it that way. lol

 

[Michie]

I'm sure your priest will try to work with you given the circumstances. Just give him a call.

Right!? I wish we were too but my ex took literally FOREVER to sign custody papers for my oldest which is why it took so long. We're totally fine with whatever, but hopefully we can get out of EE because seriously there is no way my 1 year old would let me out of his sight for that long. I can hardly get groceries without him. Not to mention we really don't have sitters. :/ We were just going to do it civilly but if I can not make another mistake I'd like to keep it that way. lol

 

[Rhamiel]

HEY YOU!

yeah I am sure this kind of thing can be waved
I mean it was basically just made up a few decades ago at most

 

[Vendetta]

It can probably be waived depending on how much of a stickler the priest is, but you could always give it the good college try to make sure he sees you're putting in a good-faith effort.

 

[concretecamper]

So in essence you are teaching your kids it is ok to shack up with someone before marraige and you want to get a pass on a weekend which should show you the real purpose of the vocation of marraige (which is to get your spouse to heaven). I pray you grow in your Catholic faith. And please pray I grow in mine.

 

[Rhamiel]

camper, come on, she already knows
sometimes we just have to deal with the situations we are in even if it is not ideal

 

[Michie]

She is obviously trying to do it right now and that is to be commended!

 

[concretecamper]

So instead of thirsting for the Catholic faith by learning everything you can about it one tries to wiggle out of attending a weekend course on Catholic marriage. Obviously I am missing something you guys aren't

 

[Michie]

Sounds like her one year old has separation anxiety? Kids like that are difficult for others to watch.

So instead of thirsting for the Catholic faith by learning everything you can about it one tries to wiggle out of attending a weekend course on Catholic marriage. Obviously I am missing something you guys aren't

 

[Tallguy88]

So instead of thirsting for the Catholic faith by learning everything you can about it one tries to wiggle out of attending a weekend course on Catholic marriage. Obviously I am missing something you guys aren't

If I remember right, her one year old has some kind of disability, maybe autism. It's been a long time, so don't quote me for sure. But she said she would attend if she could, but she doesn't think she can, given her situation. Just as the priest can dispense her from her Sunday Mass obligation, so could he hopefully dispense her from this class if she explains her situation to him. Or maybe he can offer her other options.

The point is, she wants to do the right thing, but feels unable to do so. Attacking her over it isn't likely to change anything for the better.

 

[Vendetta]

So instead of thirsting for the Catholic faith by learning everything you can about it one tries to wiggle out of attending a weekend course on Catholic marriage. Obviously I am missing something you guys aren't

Sometimes charity involves a little condemnation, and other times you need the deft, subtle touch.

 

[cmarie423]

My oldest who is 5 has autism, not to mention my other two really don't have a baby sitter. Shall I take them with me? I was unaware you could take them on a weekend retreat...*sarcasm* If you must know it was people being overly critical and judgmental which is why I left the church so many times, not to mention being abused terribly physically and sexually in the name of the church and god to "teach me a lesson" by my step father so Thanks for the reminder. Jesus is totally shining through you........

 

[cmarie423]

By the way they are his kids except the oldest. My priest said not to split our home apart because we are a family.

 

[Tallguy88]

My oldest who is 5 has autism, not to mention my other two really don't have a baby sitter. Shall I take them with me? I was unaware you could take them on a weekend retreat...*sarcasm* If you must know it was people being overly critical and judgmental which is why I left the church so many times, not to mention being abused terribly physically and sexually in the name of the church and god to "teach me a lesson" by my step father so Thanks for the reminder. Jesus is totally shining through you........

I'm sorry people are treating you badly. I really hope you can work something out here. It's great that you want to get married in the Church! I really hope they won't let something like a weekend class prevent it.

 

[cmarie423]

HEY YOU!

yeah I am sure this kind of thing can be waved
I mean it was basically just made up a few decades ago at most

I'm hoping so. I'm going to ask today.

 

[WarriorAngel]

Hi guys!
I'm always in and out of here. Like a ghost....wooooo. Haha. Kidding aside, my fiance and I are going to get married in the church but we live together already have children and all that (I'm aware of the wrong doing, thanks) BUT the office told me that we need to do engaged encounter and with three kids that seems pretty much impossible. I'm going to ask the priest about this but isn't there some way we can do something else or have this waved. We've been together for the past 4 and a half years I would hope this weekend thing wouldn't mess up our getting married.

Those classes are recommended.
You have a lot to think about - they give you discussions to have...etc.
It's highly good.
[And where i learned alot even though my ex agreed to it - he disagreed to it away from the class]
But anyway - the only other way you could do it is if you knew a priest friend.

 

[cmarie423]

I'm sorry people are treating you badly. I really hope you can work something out here. It's great that you want to get married in the Church! I really hope they won't let something like a weekend class prevent it.

Thank you! Sheesh I know. I didn't say I wouldn't do pre cana, I just said I didn't want to do EE because of the kids!

 

[Anhelyna]

There is a saying that is used frequently in TAW and this question really deserves that response

Ask your priest

He is the one who can help here- truly the only one.

These retreats etc are a really good idea but like all rules and regulations they can be broken if necessary and if you have young children , particularly one with some problems , then it's clear that some allowance needs to be made