Leanna said:
It just doesn't seem like the girls are really that excited about it, and some of the women were saying that the guys want it too much.
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Ways for less?
- Thread starter Faye
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It just doesn't seem like the girls are really that excited about it, and some of the women were saying that the guys want it too much.
You seem concerned. I wouldn't worry about it, women can be very interested. It helps if the guy is smart about it though. You will see when you get married.
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Sascha Fitzpatrick
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If the guy is smart about it... means a number of things
1) If he can understand and work with the fact that sex is more than a physical act for a woman - it takes all her emotions in it too (and that can be an exhausting thing)
2) Although most women do love a quickie from time to time, most would hands down prefer it if the guy took his time and really focussed on the foreplay rather than just getting 'on with it'... Most women don't [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] from penetration, but from foreplay (most women who don't find sex all that enjoyable usually list 'he goes too quick to penetration' as a main reason).
3) And I do know of a number of women in our church who have MUCH higher sex-drives than their hubbies, and the number one complaint has been that they don't get to do it enough! Two have actually divorced and stated that they are fearful that too much has been made about men's high sex drives cos both of them had partners that were never interested in it.
I must admit, my biggest fear in marriage in regards to sex would be if the guy wasn't all that interested in it, and if he didn't even think about doing foreplay to get me in the mood.
I am a woman, and I have to say that when I was having sex, I loved it.
Sasch
1) If he can understand and work with the fact that sex is more than a physical act for a woman - it takes all her emotions in it too (and that can be an exhausting thing)
2) Although most women do love a quickie from time to time, most would hands down prefer it if the guy took his time and really focussed on the foreplay rather than just getting 'on with it'... Most women don't [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] from penetration, but from foreplay (most women who don't find sex all that enjoyable usually list 'he goes too quick to penetration' as a main reason).
3) And I do know of a number of women in our church who have MUCH higher sex-drives than their hubbies, and the number one complaint has been that they don't get to do it enough! Two have actually divorced and stated that they are fearful that too much has been made about men's high sex drives cos both of them had partners that were never interested in it.
I must admit, my biggest fear in marriage in regards to sex would be if the guy wasn't all that interested in it, and if he didn't even think about doing foreplay to get me in the mood.
I am a woman, and I have to say that when I was having sex, I loved it.
Sasch
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oldrooster
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I am blessed to have a wife that has a sex drive equal to mine, and it is wonderful......
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jazzbird
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Trust me - it happens. My drive is usually higher than my DH's on a given week, but twice a day, every day....woah. That would be nice occasionally, but as others said, it's a lot more work for a woman, and I would imagine with that frequency, a lot of women may get a bit...umm...sore. Even though we don't always have sex as frequently as I would like, quality is much more important to me than quantity.MrDude said:
I think our society has this stereotypical view of men and women and sex. Men are supposed to be the one's that always want it and women merely oblige and have no real interest. That is simply not the case.
Anyway....not meaning to derail this thread.
Faye, I think that it is great that you want to please your DH and that you want to meet his needs by having sex more frequently than you might choose. Does DH realize that you personally do not always want that much? Marriage and our sexual relationship within it should be give and take. Both spouses should be willing to - and desire to - please each other. It just seems that since you are giving to your DH in this way, it would be a small token of his appreciation and love to be willing to use the lube when you need it, even though he doesn't particularly care for it. Does he realize that you would prefer to use it and that it would make things more comfortable for you? Talk about it and I'm sure you could work out some kind of a compromise.
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Hmm... you bring up some very good points. I should probably mention that he IS very patient with foreplay and such things and enjoys the romantic stuff. Personally what I think my own issue is, is since I'm not all that interested in sex to begin with (he's often working me up to it), is that it does seem a bit of an emotional workout. Whereas once we're ... ahem doing it... it's easier to just enjoy it.
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MrDude, in response to what you said.... the others are probably right but, if I were to answer this question based on what I observe of people I would say I thought guys were genuinely a lot more "excited" whereas girls were "interested" usually. Both, I mean to say, can want to do it with a similar amount of desire I think, but guys just seem excited the same way you'd be excited about going to a movie you've been waiting three years for or getting a new computer. Girls want it but it doesn't seem to be the same way.
That is at least what it seems like, I could be way off.
That is at least what it seems like, I could be way off.
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Kokopelli
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MrDude said:
Wait until you are married and have added a full-time job, class load, and child to the equation. Those factors and the "wrenches" that tend to get tossed into our gears of life has caused the "drive" to take a hit.
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EmSchmem
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I was thinking the same thing. Some of the days we don't make love are simply for a lack of time. We have 1 or 2 days every week where we are both going full force from 8 am until 10 pm and don't see each other at all during that time. We're both isimply too tired when we get home from that. We're happy with 3-4 times a week. I would like 5 or 6 but our lives are going to need a drastic slow down for that.
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Sascha Fitzpatrick
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I think if it were me, and I just couldn't handle another bout of lovemaking, I'd very gently nudge him into maybe relieving himself, if he's so desperate for it!
I don't, per se, have a problem with masturbation, with a number of 'conditions'
1) He's thinking about me
2) He does it whilst I'm there (hey, any reason to pick up a few more tips on what he likes!)
3) He does it if I'm away for a while
All of those rules come hand in hand with number one - if I also knew he was having a problem with porn, I'd probably redefine my rule on masturbation.
You may not feel the same way about it, but seriously, if I was REALLY tired, I'd be quite happy for him to get rid of the urge that way - I'm a cranky tiger when I'm exhausted!
Sasch
I don't, per se, have a problem with masturbation, with a number of 'conditions'
1) He's thinking about me
2) He does it whilst I'm there (hey, any reason to pick up a few more tips on what he likes!
)3) He does it if I'm away for a while
All of those rules come hand in hand with number one - if I also knew he was having a problem with porn, I'd probably redefine my rule on masturbation.
You may not feel the same way about it, but seriously, if I was REALLY tired, I'd be quite happy for him to get rid of the urge that way - I'm a cranky tiger when I'm exhausted!
Sasch
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Kokopelli
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There needs to be more men browsing this thread. There are to many women here: it is difficult to post any thoughts from a man's perspective.
You mentioned "nudging" your partner into alternative methods... there are other ways to please your partner that still involve your participation and do not require intercourse or oral pleasure.
You mentioned "nudging" your partner into alternative methods... there are other ways to please your partner that still involve your participation and do not require intercourse or oral pleasure.
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How long have you been married?
Do you talk with him about this issue as much as you discuss it here? It sounds like voicing your honest thoughts about sex frequency, lube etc would really help. He sounds like a good guy. If you're not talking to him about it, what's keeping you from doing that?
Do you talk with him about this issue as much as you discuss it here? It sounds like voicing your honest thoughts about sex frequency, lube etc would really help. He sounds like a good guy. If you're not talking to him about it, what's keeping you from doing that?
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Been married about half a year. (Yea he's a great guy!) I actually am discussing this all with him and he's also been reading the thread over my shoulder. We were both sorta looking for ways to make things better for both of us. He wanted to hear of ways other people had gotten around using lube. And Kokopelli, I agree that I'd like to hear more from men as well.
I actually am discussing this all with him and he's also been reading the thread over my shoulder. We were both sorta looking for ways to make things better for both of us. He wanted to hear of ways other people had gotten around using lube. And Kokopelli, I agree that I'd like to hear more from men as well.
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Um, have sex in the shower?
Eat chocolate or other foods known to be aphrodisiacs?
Take a bath first?
Pop a viagra? (kidding...kidding)
Pleasure eachother orally (not kidding)
I say have as much sex as the two of you can handle. In a marriage, sex is so bonding and connecting. And not to mention fun. I'd toss out any notions that if you're doing it 2 times a week, you should be happy. Have as much sex until the both of you are content.
Eat chocolate or other foods known to be aphrodisiacs?
Take a bath first?
Pop a viagra? (kidding...kidding)
Pleasure eachother orally (not kidding)
I say have as much sex as the two of you can handle. In a marriage, sex is so bonding and connecting. And not to mention fun. I'd toss out any notions that if you're doing it 2 times a week, you should be happy. Have as much sex until the both of you are content.
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