Wanting your way

[aangel]

So I've been asking God for something silly (and shallow) it's looking really bleak but I'm having the hardest time letting go of wanting it. I just wanted something to look forward to regardless of how insignificant. I figured that by hoping for something small maybe I could learn to trust God with the big and important things. I recently just started wanting things again I hate to think that I have to keep accepting life disappointments and never hoping for anything good. I'm growing weary. I know God isn't a genie. And I hate to think that I was trying to manipulate Him (not that he can be manipulated). I know some people say that you should be content with what you have but I can't stay like. I'm basically a hermit in my house. My family is having financial difficulties and my mom needs my help but I'm just paralyzed by anxiety and depression. I feel really inadequate compared to other people. Honestly, I don't think I want much. I want my family saved of course and enjoying a closer relationship. I want to be free from fear. I want to live a life that glorifies God and his goodness. I used to want to be a wife and mother but I don't know that dream seems kind of dead.

 

[Leevo]

So I've been asking God for something silly (and shallow) it's looking really bleak but I'm having the hardest time letting go of wanting it. I just wanted something to look forward to regardless of how insignificant. I figured that by hoping for something small maybe I could learn to trust God with the big and important things. I recently just started wanting things again I hate to think that I have to keep accepting life disappointments and never hoping for anything good. I'm growing weary. I know God isn't a genie. And I hate to think that I was trying to manipulate Him (not that he can be manipulated). I know some people say that you should be content with what you have but I can't stay like. I'm basically a hermit in my house. My family is having financial difficulties and my mom needs my help but I'm just paralyzed by anxiety and depression. I feel really inadequate compared to other people. Honestly, I don't think I want much. I want my family saved of course and enjoying a closer relationship. I want to be free from fear. I want to live a life that glorifies God and his goodness. I used to want to be a wife and mother but I don't know that dream seems kind of dead.

I kind of understand how you feel. I have been unemployed since mid-October and it is really getting to me as of late. I woke up today to a $-60 bank account and my family is barely able to help me correct that. I have been dropping job applications and have yet to receive any calls. I just keep praying that something will come along and I just try to focus on God because He is truly all that I have to keep me going. I read the end of your post and you sound a lot like me from a few months ago. I used to desire above all things, to be a husband and father. However, now I desire God above all things and pray that He will work out His plan for my life. I still desire to be a husband and father, but I know God will bring it forth when it is time. Also, it sounds like you have yet to completely surrender yourself to God. Something I only recently did, around two months ago. I am not saying that it sounds like you aren't saved, but that you haven't pushed all your chips to the center and went "all-in" as it were. I HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend that you watch some teachings by a man named Todd White. He helped to show me that what I thought was salvation, was actually not. I knew of God, but I did not know Him or have relationship with Him. Todd's conversion story is a great watch, but all of his teachings are great.

Here is a video, from the Winter Ramp 2017 event, that I had the honor of going to, where Todd White spoke. It is one of my favorite talks of his so far.

 

[sheamiao]

Hi, If God put a dream in you, that is not accidental.you can set a time everyday for God to pray, study his word,trust him and do good. Once you develop love for him everything else is easier. We don't do good things to get his reward,we do because we love him. if you take care of his kingdom he will take care of you.
Hope to see you recover soon

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I could have wrote this myself. Me and you are so similar. I suffer with anxiety and it affects my work( when I did...I couldn't concentrate or grasp things and of course was let go)

I too want to help my mom because she works hard and deserves it.. So I feel you so much.

And I too don't want much just independence and a degree..and its so hard getting just that, like it makes me want to pull my hair.

But wanting those small things doesn't mean you're using god. God says he'll give you the desires or your heart, make you prosper.,he says alot of things but his promises comes with conditions so you have to make sure you're doing your part so you can receive said promise.

Best of luck to you. I'm in this with you sister.

 

[aangel]

Thank you for the responses, everyone.

I could have wrote this myself. Me and you are so similar. I suffer with anxiety and it affects my work( when I did...I couldn't concentrate or grasp things and of course was let go)

I too want to help my mom because she works hard and deserves it.. So I feel you so much.

And I too don't want much just independence and a degree..and its so hard getting just that, like it makes me want to pull my hair.

But wanting those small things doesn't mean you're using god. God says he'll give you the desires or your heart, make you prosper.,he says alot of things but his promises comes with conditions so you have to make sure you're doing your part so you can receive said promise.

Best of luck to you. I'm in this with you sister.

I think it's good that you tried to work. I don't think I'm good at the trying part. I've filled out some applications over the years but no one ever called me back. Now when I think about filling out a job application it's completely paralyzing. I have no work history (outside of babysitting for family members), no references (heck I have no friends either) and I feel so stupid because of it. I'm not picky I'll work at Mcdonalds. I just don't want this feeling of fear and dread when I'm doing it. I want to be excited about working. I have a younger cousin (she's fifteen) and she's so ready and excited. And it hard not to think, 'God, how old am I? What's wrong with me?'

I've been meditating on scriptures 2 Timothy 1:7 and 1 Peter 5:7. I really want this year to be different in the best possible way. Anyway, on the subject of praying for small things, I hate that can't seem to let it go. I feel anxious and stubborn about it (like my brain is saying no more disappointments big or small). There are definitely more important things going on (I've also been praying to God that my appointment with psychiatrist goes well) and it isn't as if it's going to make my life in any better in the grand scheme of things. I don't know what else to do but keep talking to Him about my feelings and frustrations.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Thank you for the responses, everyone.



I think it's good that you tried to work. I don't think I'm good at the trying part. I've filled out some applications over the years but no one ever called me back. Now when I think about filling out a job application it's completely paralyzing. I have no work history (outside of babysitting for family members), no references (heck I have no friends either) and I feel so stupid because of it. I'm not picky I'll work at Mcdonalds. I just don't want this feeling of fear and dread when I'm doing it. I want to be excited about working. I have a younger cousin (she's fifteen) and she's so ready and excited. And it hard not to think, 'God, how old am I? What's wrong with me?'

I've been meditating on scriptures 2 Timothy 1:7 and 1 Peter 5:7. I really want this year to be different in the best possible way. Anyway, on the subject of praying for small things, I hate that can't seem to let it go. I feel anxious and stubborn about it (like my brain is saying no more disappointments big or small). There are definitely more important things going on (I've also been praying to God that my appointment with psychiatrist goes well) and it isn't as if it's going to make my life in any better in the grand scheme of things. I don't know what else to do but keep talking to Him about my feelings and frustrations.

I totally understand how you feel. If it were possible id feel like you were my long lost sister. Just keep talking to God and do your best no matter what.

 

[Jeshu]

Honest it is about your dreams go and putting love for God up front. Jesus says seek the kingdom of God first and everything else shall be added after that, so very true!!!

I found that the more I held onto things the bigger my desolation grew but the more I dumped all my dreams and longings in front of Him to take care of the more they started to become true - even after I had forgotten all about them even. As a matter of fact this seems to be typical of Jesus wants we clean our heart and mind with His love then He places our old dreams and longings into us - one by one - awesome how that goes.

So yes it is about trusting Jesus will bring what the god of this world has refused to do no matter how much you have been pleading him for his (stolen) goodies. Always remember which side your bread is buttered on. Growing love for God and neighbour grows Him within us and once we have Him onboard we have excess to everything in existence. For the earth is The Lord's while the meek inherit it.

Much strength letting go and building a new life to hold your new goodies for old wine bags burst when you put new wine in them, so the best is to find renewal in Him first.



Song of Solomon 1:4 Take me away with you—let us hurry!
Let the king bring me into his chambers.

Love Making.

My love removes what has no desire or need,
To bare to the passions of embracing His Love,
Pure ecstasy as His Love releases The Seed,
Love making conceives Heavenly bliss from above.

My love carrying what His Good Loving has Sown,
Awaiting the time of delivery to be done,
Our Heavenly Dad to give a child of His own,
Hear the Angels adore Him who gave us The Son.