wanting to give up, feel dead inside

[knw1991]

there is nothing i can do to get free from how i feel. i dont want to turn to God, i just feel cut off from Him, i dont feel that he is done with me, i feel im done with Him, and part of me feels he is done with me. i have so much anger in my heart towards my dad who chose to do drugs before i was born and is still battling a cocaine addiction. i feel like ive been robbed and cheated. i feel that God has overlooked me, i tried so hard to do the right thing and follow God and even the things i struggled with i asked God to help me, and i confessed my sins, i prayed at night, i just tried to do my best. i feel like all of this was worthless, i used to love God and was never to bold to tell him that because i wanted to be genuine. i feel dead inside,some people have said maybe im depressed, i dont know, but sometimes i just want to die, but i dont want to end up in hell, many people on the forum have encouraged me, but i dotn believe God will help me. im tired, i feel like God is evident in the lives of others and i have faith that he will be there for him, i feel that God has took his hand and attention off of my life, thats fine though because im done too, im tired, i dont believe he loves me, and im not asking for him too, im done, im tired of people like my dad, i dont want to cry anyomore for people, some days im sad that my dad hasnt been there forme,and im sad that i dont know God, but now im just empty i dont care anymore, im just angry now, who knows what i will feel like tomorrow. i hope God has mercy on me, im just tired, i dont want to pray or ask God for help, i dont know what to say and i dont want to say anything. i feel no connection whatsoever to God , i feel trapped

 

[1watchman]

Dear friend, the fact that you were led here shows God is working for you and has begun to "quicken" you --awakened you. You "feel dead inside" as do all souls who are living without the precious Savior. When you come to see that regardless of your physical life in this poor world, and all the failure around you, then you can look up to the Creator-God through His eternal Word (your Bible), and see God's great love for you --read John 3 and Romans 3.

Our family and our friends, and others may all fail us, but our personal relationship with the Savior will make one a "new creature" in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17). Call upon the Lord Jesus in real trust and He will come to you and fill your heart. I did that nearly 60 years ago and have been walking with Him through this sad world in peace and joy since, and soon I will be with Him forever.

 

[paul1149]

Knw,

I think you're at a very good place. Contrary to what most people thin, the Christian walk is not about doing good. We can't. it's about being trusting in God's love and letting Him be our strength.

I've been in a very similar place to what you’ve just described. I was not only burnt out, I was fed up. I wanted nothing more to do with the whole thing. I found that despite all my anger, the Lord Jesus would not let me go, even when I was completely convinced I deserved to be let go.

In short, I think you're being set up for a grace awakening. This happens when we reach the end of our ability to walk out the Christian life, and realize that God has to do it in us. Our first response is something like yours – anger or despair. But then as God proves to be faithful even when we are not, that is replaced by peace and love. He who is forgiven much, loves much.

What's more, we find that His power is perfected in our weakness.

This may sound like craziness at this point. But I think it will fall into place in due time. The Lord loves you far more than we can understand, and He quite knows what He is doing.

 

[Peripatetic]

I wish I could offer more, but I can say this: depression runs in my family, and I know that it can feel like there is no escape... feeling trapped as you said. One thing that has helped me is to take a step outside of my own little tunnel-vision life and look closely at people in other nations.

I think for a moment what it must be like to live in utter poverty where I may not be able to eat for two days... where I have to decide between dehydration and risking something worse from contaminated water... where electricity is only something that I've heard about in stories...

Then I hear about the faith of some of those people. About the families in Haiti who lost what little they had in the Earthquake (including family members), yet held rousing prayer meetings and wanted to give up even their makeshift tents to make the rescue workers more comfortable.

I think of a video I once saw of a whole group of children celebrating like they were the luckiest kids in the world - literally singing and marching in a spontaneous parade - because the village got one soccer ball.

I look at the global rich list and realize that if I made just $1,000 per year, I'd still be in the upper 50% of incomes in the world.

When I dwell on these things and pray for perspective... that is when I realize how blessed I am. Contentment is a constant struggle for me, but this has helped.

 

[knw1991]

Dear friend, the fact that you were led here shows God is working for you and has begun to "quicken" you --awakened you. You "feel dead inside" as do all souls who are living without the precious Savior. When you come to see that regardless of your physical life in this poor world, and all the failure around you, then you can look up to the Creator-God through His eternal Word (your Bible), and see God's great love for you --read John 3 and Romans 3.

Our family and our friends, and others may all fail us, but our personal relationship with the Savior will make one a "new creature" in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17). Call upon the Lord Jesus in real trust and He will come to you and fill your heart. I did that nearly 60 years ago and have been walking with Him through this sad world in peace and joy since, and soon I will be with Him forever.

thank you, thats amazing you have been walking with God for 60 years, thats three times my age, im 20 yrs old, thank you for your advice i will read those verses. thank you for the encouragement and advice

 

[knw1991]

Knw,

I think you're at a very good place. Contrary to what most people thin, the Christian walk is not about doing good. We can't. it's about being trusting in God's love and letting Him be our strength.

I've been in a very similar place to what you’ve just described. I was not only burnt out, I was fed up. I wanted nothing more to do with the whole thing. I found that despite all my anger, the Lord Jesus would not let me go, even when I was completely convinced I deserved to be let go.

In short, I think you're being set up for a grace awakening. This happens when we reach the end of our ability to walk out the Christian life, and realize that God has to do it in us. Our first response is something like yours – anger or despair. But then as God proves to be faithful even when we are not, that is replaced by peace and love. He who is forgiven much, loves much.

What's more, we find that His power is perfected in our weakness.

This may sound like craziness at this point. But I think it will fall into place in due time. The Lord loves you far more than we can understand, and He quite knows what He is doing.

thank you Paul. all that you are saying makes alot of sense and i believe it, sometimes im just afraid that i will never grow, and im begin to trust in my feelings and they change from day to day, and i know they are not truth but sometimes i dont have the strength to ignore them. In church someone prayed for me today and God allowed them to see how i was feeling, i will rely on God to change me and make time to read the bible and pray. I can relate to what you said about being fed up and burnt out. Sometimes i tell myself that im done with all of this, but like you said Jesus wouldnt let you go, no matter what i do, i cant just throw it all away and live how i want,because i know that God is the ultimate purpose for life. i just get frustrated and sad when i feel within that i wont ever get to know Him. i will stsrt believing truth instead of my feelings.
i havent forgot about the message you sent me, i try to remember it and hold on to it when im down.
thank you again

 

[knw1991]

I wish I could offer more, but I can say this: depression runs in my family, and I know that it can feel like there is no escape... feeling trapped as you said. One thing that has helped me is to take a step outside of my own little tunnel-vision life and look closely at people in other nations.

I think for a moment what it must be like to live in utter poverty where I may not be able to eat for two days... where I have to decide between dehydration and risking something worse from contaminated water... where electricity is only something that I've heard about in stories...

Then I hear about the faith of some of those people. About the families in Haiti who lost what little they had in the Earthquake (including family members), yet held rousing prayer meetings and wanted to give up even their makeshift tents to make the rescue workers more comfortable.

I think of a video I once saw of a whole group of children celebrating like they were the luckiest kids in the world - literally singing and marching in a spontaneous parade - because the village got one soccer ball.

I look at the global rich list and realize that if I made just $1,000 per year, I'd still be in the upper 50% of incomes in the world.

When I dwell on these things and pray for perspective... that is when I realize how blessed I am. Contentment is a constant struggle for me, but this has helped.

i find myself looking at the lives of the people you described, how they have to choose between contaminated water or dehydration, i have alot to be thankful for like family,shelter,health, education thats is paid for, no loans required, a dorm to live in, and that im able to go home every weekend if i want, depression can really cloud all the positives and the blessings that i have, i have no reason to be depressed, but thank you all for reaching out to me anyway

 

[Peripatetic]

One more thing: even when we realize that we have no logical reason to be depressed, it still happens. Even today, I had some very negative/down feelings that I can't explain. Kind of ironic after giving you the advice above.

Sometimes it can almost become worse when we know we shouldn't be depressed but it happens anyway. When that happens to me (like today), I just try to brace myself to get through it... I chalk it up to something chemical or seasonal or whatever and do what I can to persevere. I won't let it break my faith though. That is the one thing that must stay consistent.

 

[knw1991]

yes sometimes the feelings become so natural and tries to invite you in. sometimes i feel people treat you better when they know you are sad, sometimes it feels good to just lay down and mope, but all the issues in life start coming in your mind and things from the past that hurted you. i am really blessed and have not suffered many things that people have at the hands of other humans that they trusted like parents. the only major thing in my life is that my father is dealing with a drug addiction and he has spots of cancer in his prostate gland, and everytime i see him he looks different, weaker and older. Sometimes im ashamed of him, but i always tell myself to not turn my back on him because he is hurting deep inside and is battling the addiction. he told me that the devil wants him to give up. eventhough he has all these issues on top of losing his mother last year in august from alzheimer's, and he goes from house to house, he cannot get a real job, but can only do small jobs here and there, but my uncle was saying that my dad is always smiling and happy, and even though his life is a mess he still finds something to happy about like a family who has never turned their back on Him, and the fact that God allows him to see a new day. my problems are nothing compared to my dad's, sometimes i feel discouraged about my walk with God, i get overwhelmed in school, i get angry at my dad, and that causes me to be depressed and hopeless, though my dad has struggled all his life, i can learn to be content from him.

 

[paul1149]

knw, that's good perspective. My mother didn't treat me right, but even when I was angry I could see that a) she had a lot of good qualities, and b) she had a tremendous amount of her own adversity to overcome. As I matured, I saw more clearly that I could appreciate her good side but also draw the line firmly and not allow her to abuse me. That balance gave me a good deal of peace, and also freed me to try to deal with my own challenges, which are difficult enough without carrying extra weight.

It's not easy, and I was by no means trying to minimize the difficulties of what you're experiencing. My prayer is that you will continue to abide in His love and peace, and that faith will arise within you that will enable you to overcome this "momentary light affliction", as Paul calls it, which sometimes doesn't seem so small.

 

[jannikitty]

So much good advice, support, and encouragement has already been given here..I'll just suggest something I have never suggested to anyone before.

Go back on this thread and reread every post you made and instead of addressing people on the forum..change the wording to tell the same thing to God. He knows it already but this is a way of prayer..telling God just how you feel.

The Psalms in the bible are just that..in them the psalmist is talking to God about how he felt. It may also help you to read through them. Psalm 139 is a good one when you are feeling depressed. Also Psalm 40. All of your feelings are expressed in the various psalms. God hears. And God will act as you turn to him. Also ask Him to give you an increase in the gift of faith.

I have been a Christian over five decades going back to my teenage years. It hasn't been what many would call an easy life..there have been many trails and losses yet periods of joy and others of discouragement and dispair, but somehow I never lost hope in the saving power and strength of the Savior. I know that no matter what..parents may fail and disappoint; but God doesn't. It just takes time sometimes to realize this and it takes His strength and His grace not to give up.

He enables us in many ways, in the Word (bible), fellowship, creation, and serving and forgiving others even as we are forgiven.

God loves you. Look up! ing for you.

 

[Emmy]

Dear knw1991. I hope You feel a bit better, now that you have got rid of your little grumble. Look at what Jesus tells the Lawyer in Mathew, chapter 22, verses 35-40. " The first and great Commandment is: Love God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. The second is like it: Love thy neighbour as thyself." Then Jesus points out: " On these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets." Straightforward and easy to understand. Start by treating all you know, and all you meet, as you would love to be treated, kindly and with a friendly smile or word, a helping hand if needed, and just be a good neighbour. People will treat you the same, and life does not seem empty, you will realise that you are not the only one feeling up and down, from time to time. God will see your sincere efforts to be loving and kind, and God will bless you: AND God will notice that you are following His Commandments to love and care. Jesus will give you His Love and Joy, and the Holy Spirit will give you His Love, also. Thank God and start sharing all Love and Joy with all around you, friend or not friend.
Everytime you stumble or fail, ask God to forgive you, and God will forgive you as you will forgive others. Then just carry on loving and caring. God is Love, and God wants loving children/sons and daughters to live with for eternity. Jesus died that we might live, and Jesus reconciled us to God. The Bible tells us to " Repent," to change from being selfish and unloving, to becoming loving and caring, and sharing abundant lives with men and women around us: selflessly with no conditions tagged on. God made us all in His image, and God loves us all. Jesus our Saviour is ready to help and guide us all the way: in fact: Jesus is The Way. I say this with love, knw. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[knw1991]

thank you all for the encouragement

 

[Afire]

Chapter 8 of C. S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters provides an interesting illustration of the depressed time we routinely experience in our lives. The book is from the perspective of one devil giving advice to another regarding the tempting of his 'patient' (believer in Christ). The 'Enemy' they speak of is God. I highly recommend any Christian to read the entire book, which can be found with a quick google search.

Some quotes:

"As long as [the believer] lives on earth periods of emotional and bodily richness and liveliness will alternate with periods of numbness and poverty."

"It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that [the believer] is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best."

"Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."

Don't give up hope Knw1991, and you are in my prayers.

 

[Harry3142]

KNW 1991-

St. Paul addressed the problems which we all must face as we go through this life, and encouraged us to remember that God is with us even when we don't feel his presence:

Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died - more than that, who was raised to life - is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it it written:

"For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:33-39,NIV)

I have found that when I get depressed, a simple exercise helps me put matters in perspective. I look at my hands, not to see what is there, but instead to realize more firmly what isn't there. My hands do not have nail prints in them. Christ's hands do.

God bless-

 

[knw1991]

KNW 1991-

St. Paul addressed the problems which we all must face as we go through this life, and encouraged us to remember that God is with us even when we don't feel his presence:

Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died - more than that, who was raised to life - is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it it written:

"For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:33-39,NIV)

I have found that when I get depressed, a simple exercise helps me put matters in perspective. I look at my hands, not to see what is there, but instead to realize more firmly what isn't there. My hands do not have nail prints in them. Christ's hands do.

God bless-

i dont think im chosen, im not chosen

 

[knw1991]

So much good advice, support, and encouragement has already been given here..I'll just suggest something I have never suggested to anyone before.

Go back on this thread and reread every post you made and instead of addressing people on the forum..change the wording to tell the same thing to God. He knows it already but this is a way of prayer..telling God just how you feel.

The Psalms in the bible are just that..in them the psalmist is talking to God about how he felt. It may also help you to read through them. Psalm 139 is a good one when you are feeling depressed. Also Psalm 40. All of your feelings are expressed in the various psalms. God hears. And God will act as you turn to him. Also ask Him to give you an increase in the gift of faith.

I have been a Christian over five decades going back to my teenage years. It hasn't been what many would call an easy life..there have been many trails and losses yet periods of joy and others of discouragement and dispair, but somehow I never lost hope in the saving power and strength of the Savior. I know that no matter what..parents may fail and disappoint; but God doesn't. It just takes time sometimes to realize this and it takes His strength and His grace not to give up.

He enables us in many ways, in the Word (bible), fellowship, creation, and serving and forgiving others even as we are forgiven.

God loves you. Look up! ing for you.

i have expressed how i felt to God many times and things have not changed, Im fed up and im starting to really resent God.I just feel like ive been deprived of what other chrsitians have like joy and peace, noone knows the half of the feelings and pain ive experienced, to the point of wanting to end my life, i have an enormous need in me to destroy things,. im angry at God and my lowlife dad. im fed up with life, and im starting not to believe in anything about Jesus. i feel neglected, dissappointed, and i just want to end it all.

 

[parsley]

On a show today, a preacher said he was in a meeting and God told him that someone in the audience needed prayer for suicidal wishes. He brought up the typical "someone in the room," and as he led people in asking for God's help, something like 50 people stood up. (Forgive me if I got this whole story wrong-- I'm not good at retelling or punch lines.)

There are a lot of people out there with imperfect lives, and many of them are believers. We all show up to the meetings with hope for change, a bit of happiness to see people we like, a determination to worship God despite circumstances, appreciation for encouraging words and meaningful lyrics. But not everyone has their lives resolved -- we all need support.

I am always amazed at our church's prayer list. Incredibly heavy things go on in people's lives, and everyone is going through something. Cancer in the family, shoulder surgeries, foot problems, backs giving out, addictions, job layoffs, school grades, divorces, feuds, house fires, contagious diseases. I don't think anyone has a gap longer than a month where everything goes well.

Do you have people you can talk with about your dad? It sounds like he always wins, and you end up appearing the wrong one with unresolved feelings.

 

[Lindas Place]

there is nothing i can do to get free from how i feel. i dont want to turn to God, i just feel cut off from Him, i dont feel that he is done with me, i feel im done with Him, and part of me feels he is done with me. i have so much anger in my heart towards my dad who chose to do drugs before i was born and is still battling a cocaine addiction. i feel like ive been robbed and cheated. i feel that God has overlooked me, i tried so hard to do the right thing and follow God and even the things i struggled with i asked God to help me, and i confessed my sins, i prayed at night, i just tried to do my best. i feel like all of this was worthless, i used to love God and was never to bold to tell him that because i wanted to be genuine. i feel dead inside,some people have said maybe im depressed, i dont know, but sometimes i just want to die, but i dont want to end up in hell, many people on the forum have encouraged me, but i dotn believe God will help me. im tired, i feel like God is evident in the lives of others and i have faith that he will be there for him, i feel that God has took his hand and attention off of my life, thats fine though because im done too, im tired, i dont believe he loves me, and im not asking for him too, im done, im tired of people like my dad, i dont want to cry anyomore for people, some days im sad that my dad hasnt been there forme,and im sad that i dont know God, but now im just empty i dont care anymore, im just angry now, who knows what i will feel like tomorrow. i hope God has mercy on me, im just tired, i dont want to pray or ask God for help, i dont know what to say and i dont want to say anything. i feel no connection whatsoever to God , i feel trapped

Our heavenly Father is not your earthly dad… my dad was a drug addict, alcoholic, in and out of prison, my mother was too… I was a ward of the state… I was on my own at 16... I also equated God with my dad… Big mistake! It will cost you years, if you don’t get it straight now… I wasted my youth fearing the only one who truly loved me and was faithful to me… I hope you don’t do the same… Because He loves you whether you believe it or not…

 

[knw1991]

On a show today, a preacher said he was in a meeting and God told him that someone in the audience needed prayer for suicidal wishes. He brought up the typical "someone in the room," and as he led people in asking for God's help, something like 50 people stood up. (Forgive me if I got this whole story wrong-- I'm not good at retelling or punch lines.)

There are a lot of people out there with imperfect lives, and many of them are believers. We all show up to the meetings with hope for change, a bit of happiness to see people we like, a determination to worship God despite circumstances, appreciation for encouraging words and meaningful lyrics. But not everyone has their lives resolved -- we all need support.

I am always amazed at our church's prayer list. Incredibly heavy things go on in people's lives, and everyone is going through something. Cancer in the family, shoulder surgeries, foot problems, backs giving out, addictions, job layoffs, school grades, divorces, feuds, house fires, contagious diseases. I don't think anyone has a gap longer than a month where everything goes well.

Do you have people you can talk with about your dad? It sounds like he always wins, and you end up appearing the wrong one with unresolved feelings.

ive talked to people about my dad, i hate him, i absolutely hate him, i wish i was never born. and i dont believe anything about God or Jesus anymore, Ive had it, people make it seem like God is so loving, and sweet and loves and care for people. i have been traumatized by the many times i have got depressed and have prayed to be changed and nothing has happened. i will never trust anyone again, i can only depend on my mom, she is the one who loves me the most, she has never failed me, but GOD has, and i have failed him too, im done with it all, I dont know what it will take for me to believe and trust again. its not fair that my dad can go through life joyful and still smililing while im suffering and feeling trapped. i dont know if you or anyone else is willing to pray for me thank you, but i dont have nothing to say to God im done with being dissapoinnted, abandoned, and overlooked.