Wanting to Find a New Church?

[Arian Pentecostal Wannabe]

EDIT: My apologies for the mistake, this should be in "Younger Adults," not "Young Adult."

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Hello, there. I'll try to keep this first post of mine brief; I'm a new member here, and was wanting to post here to see what a broader community of Christians would think about this.

I consider myself to be somewhat of a "baby Christian." I was raised as a deist, basically, but when I went off to college for my freshman year (which was last Fall), I decided to convert to Mormonism; not because I believed it at first, but because I admired the Mormon community and wanted to be part of it. By the end of the school year, though, I left due to a bad breakup with a congregation member and feeling completely unwanted there.

Since then, I went on to (sort of) join a small Pentecostal church, but now I'm dealing with kind of the same problem. I never felt "fed" at the old church and am pretty sure that my peers disliked me, but this new one is a lot better. They have an excellent pastor who pushes the congregation really hard; the quality of the services is amazing, the people there are very friendly (at least in the superficial church-friendly way), and I generally felt blessed to be there. I would go to services for anywhere from five to nine hours a week (services lasting up to three hours, and attendance being expected at all of them), and I felt very hopeful. As of late, however, my desire has gone out.

To a large extent, I can blame it on my immaturity in dealing with rejection. There's a girl there who I believed I was led to by God, but after a semester of being strung along by her, I've become quite embittered. Even outside of that, though, I have many issues with the church. The biggest part is that I don't feel like I'm really involved. I have one good friend I made there and a number of people I regularly talk to, but nobody but that one friend actually invites me to (non-church) things, nor to sit with them, and I generally feel left out of the "church family" they talk about.

There's also many small things which I wouldn't consider leaving over, but which bother me, and which my parents believe are reasons I should consider trying other churches. I have no relationship at all with the pastor, and while I admire him very much as a teacher, I dislike him as a person. When I think of somebody who I'd want to go to for help, I imagine a more fatherly sort of person. He's got more of the manner of a coach, though (very bold), and I feel like he's somewhat arrogant; my Pa often accuses him of having a bit of a cult of personality.

Then, there's the matter of membership. Now, it's entirely my fault for missing lessons, but church membership (and all forms of church service) rely on taking a thirteen-week Sunday school course. The entire course is basic doctrine that I've learned a long time ago, and it seems ridiculous to me that even after six months of rather faithful attendance, I'd still be held back because of the lessons I've missed (having to repeat the cycle). I understand their reasoning behind wanting to keep a very high standard for their members, but it's so different from other churches I've been to that it feels more like they want to run potential members off. I mean, most churches try and get visitors to join them, whereas this church just tries to get visitors to join a church.

So again, I'm mostly just upset that I feel left out and that the girl turned out poorly, but I'm worried as to if I'm supposed to stay there or go find another church. I've tried leaning on the Holy Spirit, but I'm having no luck "reading it," and this has been preying on my mind considerably. I didn't go to any services this week to see if anybody would reach out, but they haven't yet, and I think I need make up my mind quickly.

Well, if you've read this far, thank you for your time; I know I ramble way too much. Based on what I've said, and just your experiences, what do you think I should do?

 

[Arian Pentecostal Wannabe]

Eh, I didn't mean to make this post so long, but I can't help myself... No need to read this if you want to reply, but don't have the time.

I've started thinking that the pastor might be arrogant because, in addition to having a real alpha male personality, he has some weird habits. He tends to preach for at least two hours, and he doesn't do anything like stand near the door to greet members after services. In fact, generally acts like his time is very precious, which it is, but still...

I also felt tempted to go to this other Pentecostal church that I once visited because of how much effort they put in. I got a call from their pastor inviting me back to another service (they had my number through one of those cards), and when a professor who goes there saw me six months later, she invited me to their Winter dinner. I ended up deciding against that church because it just didn't feel right, but it made my church look rather bad by comparison.

As for the girl, she would show interest in me but not put effort in. She's never really dated and comes from a very strict family, and our pastor recommends that the men always suggest the dates. So, if she had some excuse about being busy studying, I'd take her word for it and just come back. In the end, though, I probably got about one unofficial date with her per month, she'd never come up to me to chat in church, and it was starting to really grate on me, although she would still act a bit flirty with her texting and even baked me a cake for my birthday (I gave her a book for hers, and she asked me what I wanted for mine). She tried to just ghost me near the end, so I had to confront her directly, got the "I like you as a friend" line... later offered to be friends if she actually wanted to, and she agreed, but she wouldn't ever talk to me first. Really angered me, as I feel that it's downright disrespectful to pretend that you'll be friends just to save yourself the discomfort of telling somebody "no." I finally got fed up enough that I told her off and told her that I wasn't going to waste any more of my time, but I really want to lay in to her in person.

Yeah, it's after writing it out that I can really see how obvious it should have been that she wasn't really interested. I thought she was to be a reward from God, though, as I have a very hard time meeting girls who I have things in common with, and she had a lot in common with me and exactly the looks that I prefer.

I'm not the most stable person, though. I had no real friends in high school and have a hard time making more. From last Fall to now, I only made two friends: one in class, and the guy from church, and he just loves people (isn't desperate, but will hang out with pretty much anybody willing to give him time).

 

[smithed64]

Here's a few questions for you?

Do you want to go to Church to worship God, to learn about Him, to grow in the Spirit, to have fellowship with others of the same mind and heart?

Or

Do you go to socialize, find friends, girlfriends, and expect people to feel the same way you feel?

Which comes first, Christ or you?

 

[Arian Pentecostal Wannabe]

Here's a few questions for you?

Do you want to go to Church to worship God, to learn about Him, to grow in the Spirit, to have fellowship with others of the same mind and heart?

Or

Do you go to socialize, find friends, girlfriends, and expect people to feel the same way you feel?

Which comes first, Christ or you?

This is mostly just reminding me why it's a bad idea to ask people on the Internet for advice.

Of course I go to God for spiritual purposes, although my spiritual purposes are somewhat selfish in that I mainly go so I can be sheltered by him, live in his grace, more than to "learn about him." When I first started going to my current church, I didn't even talk to people there, as I wanted to avoid disappointment and just be able to enjoy the sermon and worship.

What does that have to do with my choice of church, though? There are dozens upon dozens of churches in my county. Or do you believe that a person is obligated to go to whatever church they just happen to wander into first? And church is a fundamentally social institution, a person can worship and study entirely on their own, the only purpose behind a church is to magnify it by bringing the community together. If a person were to only listen to the sermon, sing, and then go home - without getting to know the congregation, without ever being discipled by the pastor - then they might as well save the drive and do it at home.

On the whole, I just know that I used to be really happy at my church, but now my heart has turned hard towards it and I feel like there's no more advancing to do, save it be somewhere else. I want to be at the best church for me, as God has prepared, and I just can't tell if it's this one, problems and all, or one that I haven't yet seen.

I do believe that Pentecostalism is a (pretty benign) heresy. I don't disagree with their interpretation of the scriptures, but all of the tongue-talking I've seen has been pure nonsense, random syllables strewn together. Fake. I stuck around because it was there that I was growing spiritually, though, and my life began to get a lot better after going there.

 

[smithed64]

This is mostly just reminding me why it's a bad idea to ask people on the Internet for advice.

Of course I go to God for spiritual purposes, although my spiritual purposes are somewhat selfish in that I mainly go so I can be sheltered by him, live in his grace, more than to "learn about him." When I first started going to my current church, I didn't even talk to people there, as I wanted to avoid disappointment and just be able to enjoy the sermon and worship.

Then your problem isn't the church,it's you.
Serving God isn't about selfishness. It's about surrender. You either live for Him. And everything is about Him,only Him and Him first.

What does that have to do with my choice of church, though? There are dozens upon dozens of churches in my county. Or do you believe that a person is obligated to go to whatever church they just happen to wander into first? And the church is a fundamentally social institution, a person can worship and study entirely on their own, the only purpose behind a church is to magnify it by bringing the community together. If a person were to only listen to the sermon, sing, and then go home - without getting to know the congregation, without ever being discipled by the pastor - then they might as well save the drive and do it at home.

I agree there many churches today that is exactly what they are. Social gathering places.
If that is their main purpose to be there. Then they are going to church for all the wrong reasons.
But on the whole, churches are where the children of God are to meet and teach, preach,and edify one another. Through God's word.

Hebrews 10:25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

Hebrews 10:24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:

1 Thessalonians 5:11 Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.

On the whole, I just know that I used to be really happy at my church, but now my heart has turned hard towards it and I feel like there's no more advancing to do, save it be somewhere else. I want to be at the best church for me, as God has prepared, and I just can't tell if it's this one, problems and all, or one that I haven't yet seen.

Have you ever thought that maybe God has a work for you? We all have a ministry.
Have you searched that out as diligently as you have to try to debunk Hell?

I do believe that Pentecostalism is a (pretty benign) heresy. I don't disagree with their interpretation of the scriptures, but all of the tongue-talking I've seen has been pure nonsense, random syllables strewn together. Fake. I stuck around because it was there that I was growing spiritually, though, and my life began to get a lot better after going there.

You don't understand the Holy Ghost, so to you that is a heresy?
It isn't. It's biblical. Granted, though I will admit,there are hypocrites in the church, who will fake it.

 

[Arian Pentecostal Wannabe]

Then your problem isn't the church,it's you.
Serving God isn't about selfishness. It's about surrender. You either live for Him. And everything is about Him,only Him and Him first.

LOL, sure, you're very pious.

I agree there many churches today that is exactly what they are. Social gathering places.
If that is their main purpose to be there. Then they are going to church for all the wrong reasons.
But on the whole, churches are where the children of God are to meet and teach, preach,and edify one another. Through God's word.

Hebrews 10:25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

Hebrews 10:24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:

1 Thessalonians 5:11 Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.

I don't see where any of those quotes contradict my concept of the church.

Have you ever thought that maybe God has a work for you? We all have a ministry.
Have you searched that out as diligently as you have to try to debunk Hell?

As in, a position to fill at church? There presumably is, I haven't been given/seen an opportunity for it yet. I have an interest in door-to-door evangelism and performing in the worship teams. I'd have to wait a good while for the latter, though.

You don't understand the Holy Ghost, so to you that is a heresy?
It isn't. It's biblical. Granted, though I will admit,there are hypocrites in the church, who will fake it.

I'm saying that the gibberish that people spout in Pentecostal services isn't the Holy Ghost to begin with. It's awful fishy that every Pentecostal I've talked to, bar one, basically had to train themselves to speak in tongues. Or that the tongues people speak in tend to resemble the worldly languages they have recently heard. Or when people, even the pastor, just lapse into repeating the same syllable, interspersed with chuckling and other sounds.

 

[smithed64]

LOL, sure, you're very pious.

Nope, I'm a sinner saved by Grace.

I don't see where any of those quotes contradict my concept of the church.

Your concept of church isn't about God. it's about how you feel,according to what you have typed.

As in, a position to fill at church? There presumably is, I haven't been given/seen an opportunity for it yet. I have an interest in door-to-door evangelism and performing in the worship teams. I'd have to wait a good while for the latter, though.

You are always given an opportunity for evangelism.

I'm saying that the gibberish that people spout in Pentecostal services isn't the Holy Ghost to begin with. It's awful fishy that every Pentecostal I've talked to, bar one, basically had to train themselves to speak in tongues. Or that the tongues people speak intend to resemble the worldly languages they have recently heard. Or when people, even the pastor, just lapse into repeating the same syllable, interspersed with chuckling and other sounds.

Then you have not been to a true Holy Ghost filled service. I agree there are those who think they can learn to speak in tongues. That is heresy.
The Holy Ghost has used me to speak in tongues, I didn't learn it from anyone . So learning another language is something I tried to do in school for and elective,
but fail miserably.
He is very real, and He will use those who believe and trust Him.
So, before you categorize everyone, you should met everyone.