Wam!!!!!

[Camebk4God]

.........

 

[Didymus]

you are very young. how long were you married ? wait at least a year after your divorice becaomes final before you start dating again. i know that sounds like a long time but you need to think about a lot of things.

 

[elijahswife]

most marriages can be saved, but it kinda takes commitment from both parties involved....

Paul did say that if one is married to an unbelieving spouce and the spouse leaves, they are free to remarry, if that is any help to you.

 

[GREG]

Chris, you have been a wonderful friend and great brother to me. I have never stopped praying for you and Jessica. There are a lot of ups and downs throughout all this but like we always said, "we are up to that journey". Heal your self completely and worry about taking care of you, not another at this time. I know you all this so I will leave it alone. Your a good guy with a broken heart but allow God to heal and show you roads you never dreamed of.......... Your Friend in Christ

Greg

 

[Camebk4God]

...........

 

[seebs]

Sounds like she's not *sure* what she wants.

 

[Levi133]

My heart breaks for you and your wife, pray tons buddy that's my first advise.  I've been through something very similar send me an e-mail if you want.  

Take time to be in the presense of God, offer your love for your wife, your relationship to God, put in on the alter and trust Him with it.  If you don't give it to Him, we may not do anything with it.  I don't have anything prophetic to tell you just that, "God is enough," as i've been through the trenches of a broken heart.  I had days all I had for comfort were my tears.  I felt like a baby being held in the hands of our loving Father.  Sing praises to him even when you don't know why.  Read the Psalms, sit down and read them all it only takes a couple of hours (34, 40, 73 come to mind).  Dwell in his presense and love.

The picture I had in my head while I was going through my brokenness goes like this; God is leading is you into a valley and when you reach the bottom of it there is a river there.  That river flows from the throne of God and its life giving, all you have to do is trust Him and when he tells you to get in the river do it, you will be transformed.  He will heal your hurt and your heart whatever the outcome is with you wife.

praying for you, YBIC Levi

 

[E-beth]

Yikes...poor guy.

First of all, your Pastor is very right about the six-month thing. And I will tell you that I know how you feel and I have friends that have also gone through it. Trust in the Lord. He will direct your path. All ya gotta do is obey his rules.

I got a lot of stuff to tell you, so I am gonna send an email or something.

 

[dreamcatcher]

17th April 2003 at 07:59 AM Camebk4God said this in Post #6

Welll to throw a twist in the story:
A week ago after Jessica visited my parents she told them she wanted to go to church and start to change her life, I saw her yesterday, we talked very breifly, I asked if she had gone to church yet, she said no, I told her I had attended the church my mom suggested for her because I missed Sunday morning service at the church I normally attend, and they have a night service. She was very upset and said she wanted me to attend church with her, this is a week after she wanted the complete opposite because she didn't want to be labled as a married couple or with me because I know the faith have been in it longer she wanted to do it on her own, so now this. I have to admit this is pure torture on my heart everything with her rides on emotions that is what she basis all her desicions on. So next week Im not sure what she will feel or say, could be the complete opposite from what she said to me yesterday. I had some good advice last night that I need to bounce of my pastor, he has been great, a terrifc spirtual leader. I cant keep doing this with her. When we talk and try to put everything out on the table I know that I myself dont want or need her, that may just be hurt talking but I feel that inside. WHAT DOES SHE WANT FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I asked her that she had no answer, she wants small talk, chit chat, after everything that has happend, I cant do it. It was one of those day's I am still drained, i feel empty that I have nothing more to give but Im still standing, still.
We were married for 1.5 years but have been together for 7. Thank you all for your comments and words. Pray 4 Isrel that was very moving I thank you. I cried last night. It felt good too.

Warrior Poet

please, take this from someone  that used to own the shoes you're wearin',so to speak.she wants you to be her puppet.in my opinion,you need to let the divorce become final and live your life.get away from her.trust me, i went through the same thing TWICE before i was 23.i am now 31 and been married to the same woman for going on 6 years now.we were friends in high school,never dated, AND i attened her 1 st wedding!

 

[Camebk4God]

........

 

[EJO]

Hey, thanks for your honesty.
I agree with some ove rthe other folks in here, I think you should stay away from any relationships for a year, perhaps longer.
Throw yourself into God. Strat serving the body, find a ministry and plug in.
Read your bible, study it, focus on the Lord. He will NEVER fail you. Make sure you are under His control. Then when He knows when it is right, He will lead you to the right woman.

God Bless- EJO

 

[IslandBreeze]

Holy cow. This sounds SO familiar. My sister did the SAME thing to her husband. She walked out on him, now has a boyfriend (which she keeps lying about, but everybody knows she's really seeing him), and until the divorce on the 30th (Monday), she keeps trying to puppeteer him. Anytime she comes around (which isn't often, as I don't have anythign nice to say to her), she tries to make small talk, and acts like the past year-and-a-half of her life never existed. And my brother-in-law (who is best friends with my husband) is over here crying, or calling on the phone all the time. It's so pitiful. I feel terrible for him.

But to the original poster--Chris?--you're in my prayers! Get away from this woman! I know you want to save your marriage, but if she has another man, you don't want her. Trust me. God will bless you with a wonderful wife one day. He's pretty cool like that! God bless you and good luck! Keep us updated, and if you need to talk, email me!

 

[Warrior Poet]

Well updates all got erased with the server crash....and yes its chris. Update now, we are trying to keep somekind of friendship through all this, as far as making things work, its just not gonna happen, we are two very different people, but since this has been originally posted we have talked about that many times, she said she has seen a change in me and, that means a lot, but as far as me and her go, its over. I have continued to see my friend(she shall remain nameless) and we have been getting along great more like my bestfriend then anything else, once school starts we will see much less of each other. But life is going nicley, I have my own place to live, picking up a second job before school starts, and have been getting along really well with my brother lately, we live about 6 hours from each other, we have never got along i went to visit him for his birthday this weekend. And my church is moving to a new facility, I think I am gonna ask my friend to attend with me, she is a christian but is churchless as of right now, in fact she was in NY for 10 days and returns tomorrow, life is good, and so is God, thank you for your comments once again.

Warrior Poet

 

[DaveKerwin]

Chris, my advice is to not date.

Stay single for a while, and step down your friendship with that woman. You got some things to deal with bro. You are moving way to fast.

 

[Clytie]

Wow Im glad that yer doin better with God...but take it from someone whose come out of an relationship--u need alone time to refocus on God. No offence but sometimes becoming involved with another person doesnt help you to get that time with God you need.

Personally Im not an advocate of divorce at all... but here is one thing to note... I Cor 7: 32 "...He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord" sometime single will help u get yer eyes back on God

 

[enslow]

Chris, I'm with Dave on this one. I got divorced a few years ago. If you seek a relationship (even just a 'significant friendship') with this nameless woman, how are you going to know it's not just a rebound relationship? You can't know. You're younger than when I had been married and divorced the first time.

See if you can get the book "Rebuilding- When Your Relationship Ends". While it is a secular-based book, it has a lot of good information. Also try to find a divorce support group of some sort. It was kind of like group therapy for me and helped me a lot.

My rule of thumb in the end was to convince myself that I was happy with my life as a single person. That did take several years at the age of 30.

Good luck Chris.

Enslow

 

[Warrior Poet]

Well, i see this thread took a very different turn, then when before the server crashed. My wife and I should have never got married not that it means much, but the marriage ended as soon as it started, a sad reality, i am not an advocate of divorce either, I didnt go into this thinking I cant wait for the day i get divorced, she left me and left me for someone else, not much I can do about that one. I do know this isnt a rebound thing, how? because I have not relied on her to get me through all this, she cant and she knows it and she is not trying to either. I am single, I dont have to answer to her I dont have an obligation to her, and she doesnt have one to me, she is free to date and for all I care i hope she finds a great guy, I mean i encourage her to date, and i have a surpluss of extra money and time( thats a big sign). Its not like i just met this girl outta nowhere we have been freinds sense she was 14 and i was 16, we went to church together for years, as far as me and God go........... well i havent been closer to my walk with him in along time, I gave up alot of bad habits when my wife left, and have really tried to focus on the little things in life that tend to mean alot to others and make a difference. I think the age thing about getting married and divorced so quick was more of a blessing for one i found my way back to God, its like i got it outta of my system i was a horrible husband and I wont ever be like that again, when the time comes it will be very different, now I can be what I am suppossed to be (not sure what it is yet) but, nothing comes before me and my realationship with God. I thank everyone for the advice, I have way more friends that are girls, that I hangout with and have asked to church repeatedly, some come to visit others live an hour or so away, but I am not mistaking what me and my friend(s) have with more then it needs to be. I havent used any of them as a shoulder to cry on or lean on, I found a good bunch of men/women on this site who have more then been there for me, GREG, JDM, kimber1, and Pray4Isrel, they have been like an e-family to me, I woudnt and couldnt have done it without them. Thanks Guys. As I said i am about as single as you can be, i still have a lot of things to work out in myself, and noone not any friend or family member can help me do that, Krista keeps me grounded we all still need a push in the right direction or a reality check every now and then, and she knows how much my church and bible study mean to me, that even as friends she comes second to that and second to my family, as all my other friends do as well. I am not trying to defend or justify my actions, this is the way it is and the way its gonna be, I have asked the Lord to take her outta my life if what me and her are doing is not in His plan or wrong, I have yet to get an answer from Him on this one. I am patiently waiting.

Warrior Poet

 

[bop1997]

Sorry to hear you and she are going through this....but I will say pray and lay it all on the alter and leave it. I will pray that GOD gives you peace and understanding! You both will be in my prayers! Sorry my post is not so up to date.

 

[GREG]

I know where you stand and God is with you....... Chin up and drive... you have a whole life ahead of you.

Peace