Hi all,
I have a problem with Bonham my 3 year old.
He is waking in the middle of the night and getting up and expecting me (not DH) to come into his room and "stay", as he says, till he falls asleep again.
Well this has become a real problem because it is the same when he goes to bed at night, when he wants me to stay with him then too....
We have to creep around the house now when he is asleep incase he wakes and keeps us "attending to him" for up to two hours sometimes.
---------------------------
OK, in recent weeks, I have decided to put my foot down and tell him that I will no longer "stay" with him but will go back to my own bed....
The results have been mixed.....the first night he yelled for two and a half hours until he finally fell asleep.
Then there have been a few nights where he has woken around 1-2am and called out for a minute or two then fallen back to sleep.
Then there have been nights when he has slept through.
Anyway, a few nights ago, it was a shocking night when he just kept getting up and coming into our room constantly.....each time, I would take him back to his room and put him into bed and tell him that it is not acceptable behaviour...and that I would take away one of his favourite toys. (that is the deal....wake up, and cause a scene: lose a favourite toy until he sleeps through the night to receive it back again)
This resulted in all of us yelling and crying, and I smacked him out of frustration...(I felt demon possesed, and very sad about it the next morning)
The final straw was a threat to take him out to the garage where he could yell and scream all he liked, and no-one would hear him.
When I picked him up to "pretend" to take him out, he freaked out, went back to bed and was finally quiet, and we all went back to sleep.
He lost the posession of 4 of his favourite toys last night, and will only receive one back each night that he sleeps through.
My husband is in total conflict with me on this issue and would happily have me "stay" with him each and every night he wakes for the next 5-10 years to aviod such night-time dramas.
He is "weak" with his discipline, and Bonham walks all over him in the middle of the night if he goes in to him. In fact, Bonham screams at the top of his lungs, because he doesnt want his dad there....and DH cant stand the screaming so he "spits the dummy" in an instant.
I am trying to nip this sleep problem in the bud ASAP, regardless of the (hopefully) few weeks of sleep deprivation we need to endure in the mean-time.
This night-time scene, however, resulted in a fruitless attempt as my plan fully backfired in my face leaving me bewildered, without a clue as to what to do next.....
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A specific question about the one main thing I really need help with is....
HOW DO I DEAL WITH HIM WHEN HE WAKES AND COMES INTO OUR ROOM EXPECTING ME TO GO IN AND STAY WITH HIM?
You see, I have decided NOT to STAY with him....but to put him back in his bed and tell him I will not stay, then walk away.
It doesn't work.....Over and over again, we go through the battle of the wills, until I lose it and raise my voice.
He did it again the next night and I tried the calm approach which made no difference from the night before when I yelled.
I need HELP on the DETAILS.
step by step.....WHAT DO I DO? ....WHAT DO I SAY? ....WHAT IS EFFECTIVE PARENTING in such a situation?
He is not very reasonable yet, so I cant explain something and expect that he is going to understand it fully even when he says he does, but reacts as if he doesnt.
Then last night he did it again, this time I very quietly took him back to his bed and sucumbed to the old way of standing at his door till he fell asleep and crept back to bed half an hour later.
I'm at a complete loss as to HOW TO DISCIPLINE HIM DURING THIS NIGHT-TIME DRAMA.
Today I feel down-trodden and defeated....and depressed.....and unhappy with Bonham....
HEEEEEELP
....I really need HELP!
Bon
I have a problem with Bonham my 3 year old.
He is waking in the middle of the night and getting up and expecting me (not DH) to come into his room and "stay", as he says, till he falls asleep again.
Well this has become a real problem because it is the same when he goes to bed at night, when he wants me to stay with him then too....
We have to creep around the house now when he is asleep incase he wakes and keeps us "attending to him" for up to two hours sometimes.
---------------------------
OK, in recent weeks, I have decided to put my foot down and tell him that I will no longer "stay" with him but will go back to my own bed....
The results have been mixed.....the first night he yelled for two and a half hours until he finally fell asleep.
Then there have been a few nights where he has woken around 1-2am and called out for a minute or two then fallen back to sleep.
Then there have been nights when he has slept through.
Anyway, a few nights ago, it was a shocking night when he just kept getting up and coming into our room constantly.....each time, I would take him back to his room and put him into bed and tell him that it is not acceptable behaviour...and that I would take away one of his favourite toys. (that is the deal....wake up, and cause a scene: lose a favourite toy until he sleeps through the night to receive it back again)
This resulted in all of us yelling and crying, and I smacked him out of frustration...(I felt demon possesed, and very sad about it the next morning)
The final straw was a threat to take him out to the garage where he could yell and scream all he liked, and no-one would hear him.
When I picked him up to "pretend" to take him out, he freaked out, went back to bed and was finally quiet, and we all went back to sleep.
He lost the posession of 4 of his favourite toys last night, and will only receive one back each night that he sleeps through.
My husband is in total conflict with me on this issue and would happily have me "stay" with him each and every night he wakes for the next 5-10 years to aviod such night-time dramas.
He is "weak" with his discipline, and Bonham walks all over him in the middle of the night if he goes in to him. In fact, Bonham screams at the top of his lungs, because he doesnt want his dad there....and DH cant stand the screaming so he "spits the dummy" in an instant.
I am trying to nip this sleep problem in the bud ASAP, regardless of the (hopefully) few weeks of sleep deprivation we need to endure in the mean-time.
This night-time scene, however, resulted in a fruitless attempt as my plan fully backfired in my face leaving me bewildered, without a clue as to what to do next.....
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A specific question about the one main thing I really need help with is....
HOW DO I DEAL WITH HIM WHEN HE WAKES AND COMES INTO OUR ROOM EXPECTING ME TO GO IN AND STAY WITH HIM?
You see, I have decided NOT to STAY with him....but to put him back in his bed and tell him I will not stay, then walk away.
It doesn't work.....Over and over again, we go through the battle of the wills, until I lose it and raise my voice.
He did it again the next night and I tried the calm approach which made no difference from the night before when I yelled.
I need HELP on the DETAILS.
step by step.....WHAT DO I DO? ....WHAT DO I SAY? ....WHAT IS EFFECTIVE PARENTING in such a situation?
He is not very reasonable yet, so I cant explain something and expect that he is going to understand it fully even when he says he does, but reacts as if he doesnt.
Then last night he did it again, this time I very quietly took him back to his bed and sucumbed to the old way of standing at his door till he fell asleep and crept back to bed half an hour later.
I'm at a complete loss as to HOW TO DISCIPLINE HIM DURING THIS NIGHT-TIME DRAMA.
Today I feel down-trodden and defeated....and depressed.....and unhappy with Bonham....
HEEEEEELP
....I really need HELP!
Bon