Waiting on a proposal

[seashale76]

Goodbook, I guess it wouldn't be wrong for a woman to propose to a guy. The fact of the matter is, I would like him to propose to me. I know with 100% certainty that I want to marry him but I'm wondering it he actually feels the same way about me and decides for himself that he wants to marry me as well? If I were to propose to him then there is a possibility he may feel coerced into marrying me which is NOT what I want.

By this logic a lot of women must feel coerced into getting married when they are proposed to.

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

...

I've had many occasions to pray about this relationship and think about it through many sleepless nights. I genuinely believe that God blesses this relationship and wants my boyfriend and I to get married. After all, there were few times when I almost wanted to "give up" or break it off for a while but there were clear signs from God where I strongly believed that he wanted me to stay strong, have faith in His goodness and remain in the relationship. In fact, I think it's the Holy Spirit that is prompting me to think more seriously about marriage now, more than ever...

what it sounds like you've said here is that God has told you that this guy is His pick as your husband - so how can a time limit apply? if you believe you've heard from God, then don't put a time limit on your faith in His leading. before you break it off because it seems to be taking too long, consider how long it may take for you to find God's #2 pick

if you haven't heard from God, then definitely hear from Him before you decide who to marry.

Joh 10:27
(27) My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:

 

[seashale76]

The problem with the God told me 'he's the one' business is that sometimes (read- often) that is simply a case of wishful thinking. Take the case of my mom- who went to a college with a seminary attached. So many guys told her that God told them she was the one- and she didn't marry any of them. Either God got it wrong and couldn't make up His mind, or they simply wanted to retroactively attach God's blessing to what they wanted (the reality).

ETA- this whole thread (title and all) reminds me of Samuel Beckett's play, Waiting for Godot. You could wait in vain.

 

[com7fy8]

If God is not satisfying him to propose to you, I would not push him to do what God is not having him do.

And do what God satisfies you to do; do not keep on having relationships with confusion and frustration and impatience. Stay with God in His peace . . . faithful by obeying how He rules you in His peace. And, right now, you will have all He has for you while you obey Him in His peace . . . "instead of worrying about what you don't have!"

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

He knows what He wants, and in His peace He brings us to all He pleases to share with us.

So, it is not wise to get into relationships with confusion and frustration and impatience and bitterness and hurts and unforgiveness and trying to control people for what we want.

"'Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'" (Matthew 11:29)

 

[com7fy8]

Just in case my experience can help . . .

I was with a lady and I was crazy about her. But she could talk to me like I was a little boy, and be bossing me and controlling if and when we spent time with each other. I realized I was not her "head" (Ephesians 5:23); this helped me to get clear that I was not developing to be her husband. Then I also realized how I was quite charmed by her looks and nice and smart talking; I needed to get over my "toys for boys" interest in her and get into real love, instead > I thought of how Paul says, "when I became a man, I put away childish things." (in 1 Corinthians 13:11)

We were not "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21) It was not mutual relating, and she did not value me enough to relate with me as one who was developing as her "head". She was always controlling, I would say.

Others have insisted that I would be the greatest husband they could have. And I knew I'm not that big of a deal. And I said so, plus I knew and said that God was not leading me to marry them. But Jesus wants us to love any and all people; so I did not put them away, but welcomed them to share with me, if it was good for them to be with me.

It was not long before ones of them would go elsewhere. I was kind of intrigued that a lady could say I'd be so good as a husband, yet she does not want to spend time with me if I'm not led to get married > after all, if you know someone is a real brother or sister of your own Jesus family, how could you not want to spend time with that person and share all the good we can share with each other??

But I knew these ones were not sharing with a variety of other Christians. And so, they could think I'm so great . . . in comparison with the kind of men they had been able to connect with. I'd tell them they needed to discover other and more mature men and women so they could realize I'm not such a big deal. But . . . they did not want that, I guess.

So, are you spending time with ones who are obviously more mature than you, and so they are more good for you than you can be for each other??

We can put too many eggs into one basket. And God is going to do more and better than what we can try to get now . . . the way we are, now. Why be limited to what we can want now? 1&2 Corinthians 6:12

"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

 

[Goodbook]

By this logic a lot of women must feel coerced into getting married when they are proposed to.

Yea..did my mum feel coerced into marrying my dad because he proposed? I don't think so! She could have said no!

Its not as if you are pregnant and your boyfriend has to do the honorable thing and marry you so your baby can have a legitimate father.

I don't get it. Your boyfriend may be planning an elaborate proposal. I don't know, God knows. If he really loves you, and wants you for his wife, wouldn't he be delighted, not feeling coerced if you did propose? Or are you just not sure he loves you because your not married? Would you still be friends with him if you didn't marry him?

I honestly don't know what the big deal about proposal is. You pretty much assumed you would marry him. Why does he even have to ask you? He already knows. Get on with it already.

 

[Kingsdotter]

Im not saying this is the OP's scenario...but.... I know of a 50 year old Christian Single Woman whos taken the same Guy back at least 4 times after breakups lasting about a year or more for each , knowing unmistakably that he doesn't want to marry her . I had this discussion with a friend of hers and she said that a good many women will take a guy back just so they don't have to be alone or that having 'a guy' in their life is better than nothing hoping that he might change his mind at some point. about marriage. As for the guy (whom I know better than the Woman), I believe his motive in going back all the time is because he doesn't like being on his own and when his sexual desire builds to a difficult level , he needs it satisfied by someone who he knows will be there to accommodate .

Pretty sad situation when you think about it .

This. Your boyfriend already knows that you want to marry him and even after getting back together for almost a year he isn't still ready? Here's my 2 cents; he may not be comfortable with the idea, it shouldn't be this way. I am praying for you.

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

being able to hear from God is THE most important thing in this life; otherwise you're simply gambling. i'm not talking about someone else supposedly hearing from God FOR you.

Jer 10:23
(23) O LORD, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps.

Psa 37:23-24
(23) The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.
(24) Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.

Rom 8:14
(14) For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.

 

[SiyoNqoba]

I felt very frustrated at the length of time my husband took to propose to me. I was consumed by it for a while. A very wise friend gave me this advice, which worked so well, and I'm so thankful for it.

Sit him down, and ask him, "Are you planning on marrying me?" If he says yes, ask him for a time frame. And then drop it. If he's assured you that he does want to marry you and he does have a plan, you can't really ask for much more than that.

My husband (obviously my boyfriend at the time) said that he planned on proposing in the next 18 months. He proposed just over a year later, and now we've been happily married for nearly four years.

 

[Inkachu]

A man who wants to marry a woman will not be dissuaded.

If he keeps veering off the subject, months are going by with no hint of a proposal or even a mature, frank conversation about getting married, you're in this constant state of anxiety and frustration over it...

...then, IMHO, he doesn't want to get married.

When a man wants something badly enough, he goes for it. He doesn't pussyfoot around. Don't you want a husband who is bound and determined to marry the woman he loves, come hell or high water?

If you have to coerce or nag or manipulate him into a proposal, the relationship is already heading down the wrong path.

It's time to sit this guy down, look him in the eye, and say "What are your intentions? I want a clear answer. I DESERVE an answer." Frankly, the fact that you'd even have to do that much would warn me away from marrying this guy. But you seem dead-set on believing that he's "the one", so you need to figure out what his intentions are. The sooner the better.