- Mar 26, 2006
- 345
- 15
- 38
- Faith
- Baptist
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Republican
In the dpeths of my struggle I found the story and writings of William Cowper. He is best known for writing the hymn "there is a fountain filled with Blood" . He never experienced a normal christian walk , as he had a few fleeting moments of God's precence and peace yet died believing he was condemned. His story in a nutshell: he was a successful writer and son of a preecher but was prone to anxiety and depression. While in a mental hospital after his third suicide attempt his Doctor shared Christ with him and he became a christian. He then was mentored by John Newton in writing a book on Hymns. However he quickly returned to anxiety and depression and for the majority of his life believed God had cast him off.
A Song of Mercy and Judgment by William Cowper
Lord, I love the habitation
Where the Savior's honour dwells;
At the sound of thy salvation
With delight my bosom swells.
Grace Divine, how sweet the sound,
Sweet the grace that I have found.
Me thro' waves of deep affliction,
Dearest Savior! thou hast brought,
Fiery deeps of sharp conviction
Hard to bear and passing thought.
Sweet the sound of Grace Divine,
Sweet the grace which makes me thine.
From the cheerful beams of morning
Sad I turned my eyes away,
And the shades of night returning
Fill'd my soul with new dismay.
Food I loath'd nor ever tasted
But by violence constrain'd.
Strength decay'd and body wasted,
Spoke the terrors I sustain'd.
Bound and watch'd, lest life abhorring
I should my own death procure,
For to me the Pit of Roaring
Seem'd more easy to endure.
Fear of Thee, with gloomy sadness,
Overwhelmed thy guilty worm,
Till reduced to moping madness
Reason sank beneath the storm.
Then what soul-distressing noises
Seem'd to reach me from below,
Visionary scenes and voices,
Flames of Hell and screams of woe.
Other examples of William Cowper's suffering
I hear, but seem to hear in vain,
Insensible as steel;
If ought is felt, `tis only pain.
To find I cannot feel.
Thy saints are comforted I know
And Love thy house of pray'r:
I therefore go where others go,
But find no comfort there.
Hatred and vengeance, my eternal portion,
Scarce can endure delay of execution,
Wait, with impatient readiness, to seize my
Soul in a moment.
Damn'd below Judas: more abhorred than he was,
Who for a few pence sold his holy Master,
Twice betrayed Jesus me, the last delinquent,
Deems the profanest.
Man disavows, and Deity disowns me:
Hell might afford my miseries a shelter;
Therefore hell keeps her ever hungry mouths all
Bolted against me.
And finally an example of William Cowpers Obedience
Yet seek him, in his favor Life is found,
All bliss beside, a shadow or a sound:
Then heav'n eclipsed so long, and this dull earth
Shall seem to start into a second birth.
Nature assuming a more lovely face,
Borrowing a beauty from the works of grace,
Shall be despised and overlook'd no more,
Shall fill thee with delights unfelt before,
Impart to things inanimate a voice,
And bid her mountains and her hills rejoice,
The sound shall run along the winding vales,
And thou enjoy an Eden, ere it fails.
What encourages me most about the William Cowper story is that even though Cowpers view of God became so twisted that Cowper had developed anger and biterness towards God believing that he was damned, God remained the same through it all. Our view of God never changes who he is towards us. We may come to believe we hate God (not necessarily that we do) and believe he hates us but our view of him will never mirror his view toward us as his children. His love is an everlasting and unconditional love that endures despite our view of that love and of God. how amazing it will be to see God as he truly is rather than how we in our fallen state conceptualize him.
A Song of Mercy and Judgment by William Cowper
Lord, I love the habitation
Where the Savior's honour dwells;
At the sound of thy salvation
With delight my bosom swells.
Grace Divine, how sweet the sound,
Sweet the grace that I have found.
Me thro' waves of deep affliction,
Dearest Savior! thou hast brought,
Fiery deeps of sharp conviction
Hard to bear and passing thought.
Sweet the sound of Grace Divine,
Sweet the grace which makes me thine.
From the cheerful beams of morning
Sad I turned my eyes away,
And the shades of night returning
Fill'd my soul with new dismay.
Food I loath'd nor ever tasted
But by violence constrain'd.
Strength decay'd and body wasted,
Spoke the terrors I sustain'd.
Bound and watch'd, lest life abhorring
I should my own death procure,
For to me the Pit of Roaring
Seem'd more easy to endure.
Fear of Thee, with gloomy sadness,
Overwhelmed thy guilty worm,
Till reduced to moping madness
Reason sank beneath the storm.
Then what soul-distressing noises
Seem'd to reach me from below,
Visionary scenes and voices,
Flames of Hell and screams of woe.
Other examples of William Cowper's suffering
I hear, but seem to hear in vain,
Insensible as steel;
If ought is felt, `tis only pain.
To find I cannot feel.
Thy saints are comforted I know
And Love thy house of pray'r:
I therefore go where others go,
But find no comfort there.
Hatred and vengeance, my eternal portion,
Scarce can endure delay of execution,
Wait, with impatient readiness, to seize my
Soul in a moment.
Damn'd below Judas: more abhorred than he was,
Who for a few pence sold his holy Master,
Twice betrayed Jesus me, the last delinquent,
Deems the profanest.
Man disavows, and Deity disowns me:
Hell might afford my miseries a shelter;
Therefore hell keeps her ever hungry mouths all
Bolted against me.
And finally an example of William Cowpers Obedience
Yet seek him, in his favor Life is found,
All bliss beside, a shadow or a sound:
Then heav'n eclipsed so long, and this dull earth
Shall seem to start into a second birth.
Nature assuming a more lovely face,
Borrowing a beauty from the works of grace,
Shall be despised and overlook'd no more,
Shall fill thee with delights unfelt before,
Impart to things inanimate a voice,
And bid her mountains and her hills rejoice,
The sound shall run along the winding vales,
And thou enjoy an Eden, ere it fails.
What encourages me most about the William Cowper story is that even though Cowpers view of God became so twisted that Cowper had developed anger and biterness towards God believing that he was damned, God remained the same through it all. Our view of God never changes who he is towards us. We may come to believe we hate God (not necessarily that we do) and believe he hates us but our view of him will never mirror his view toward us as his children. His love is an everlasting and unconditional love that endures despite our view of that love and of God. how amazing it will be to see God as he truly is rather than how we in our fallen state conceptualize him.
