Virginity

[cantata]

I don't like cheating in games, but I don't set much store by virginity.

I think being attracted to sexual inexperience is, as Mling says, indicative of a desire to manipulate. Of course, if you're a virgin yourself then you may prefer someone else who's a virgin - I don't see anything particularly wrong with that.

However, the idea that someone is spoiled when they've had sex betrays a very cynical view of the value of human beings.

 

[WatersMoon110]

I am not sure if I feel that attraction to virgins is always a desire to manipulate, though I worry that it too often can be.

However, before I met my husband, I slept with my share of virgins. I am attracted to larger people (both men and women), and it often happened that the people I slept with had not been with anyone before. Of course, I also slept with many experienced people as well.

Also, I find it interesting that the definitions for virginity discussed haven't mentioned the loss of the hymen, which I feel is the only "indicator" of virginity available. *wink*

I don't see anything wrong with being a virgin or not being a virgin.

 

[cantata]

Also, I find it interesting that the definitions for virginity discussed haven't mentioned the loss of the hymen, which I feel is the only "indicator" of virginity available. *wink*

Maybe because it's a really bad definition?

Many women break their hymen using tampons, engaging in strenuous exercise, or masturbating, before they ever have sex. Sometimes the hymen doesn't break when someone has sex for the first time. And some girls are born with a hymen which needs to be broken by a doctor in order to allow menstrual fluid to pass out of their bodies. So an intact hymen is in no way an indicator of chastity, nor a broken one a sign that one has had sex.

 

[WatersMoon110]

Maybe because it's a really bad definition?

Many women break their hymen using tampons, engaging in strenuous exercise, or masturbating, before they ever have sex. Sometimes the hymen doesn't break when someone has sex for the first time. And some girls are born with a hymen which needs to be broken by a doctor in order to allow menstrual fluid to pass out of their bodies. So an intact hymen is in no way an indicator of chastity, nor a broken one a sign that one has had sex.

While that is true, in many cultures the hymen is a very import part of female "purity". Though, to be fair, some cultures still practice female genital mutilation, so I guess that doesn't count for much.

But, if virginity is prized in a culture, the hymen is often believed to be important. I feel that this is something that needs to be brought into the discussion.

Also, while the hymen can be broken before sex (or, in rare cases, not be broken during one's first sexual act), for many women it is not broken until the loss of one's virginity, when it breaks.

 

[Eudaimonist]

However, the idea that someone is spoiled when they've had sex betrays a very cynical view of the value of human beings.

Yes, that's true. Hopefully this idea of sex is on its way to the dustbin of history.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[God-free]

However, the idea that someone is spoiled when they've had sex betrays a very cynical view of the value of human beings.

Yes, that's true. Hopefully this idea of sex is on its way to the dustbin of history.


eudaimonia,

Mark

Amen to that! When people can actually be killed over the mere suspicion of a perceived impropriety... well, I'll spare you what could turn into a rant. Lots of ideas are long over due for a final trip into the dustbin of history.

 

[Controverse]

How very understanding of you people that you might actually insult me.

I suspect a lot of men would prefer a virgin because she'd have no way to compare his performance to anyone else.

Your suspection is wrong.

Well, it makes me wonder what precisely is attractive about virginity, since he put it in the category of things which make him sexually attracted to women.

Oh for the love of..... That wasn't a list of things I find sexually attractive. Get it right. I prefer someone with those traits in the same way I prefer someone who doesn't view sex as something to be shared excessively. Try to understand that.

Nope, you sure aren't. I found it pretty creepy myself. I wonder if the poster could enlighten us as to why one would prefer a virgin girl if it's not a moral consideration...

Keep reading.

Am I the only one who finds this really creepy?

You irritate me with your lack of ability to understand where exactly I'm coming from.

(emphasis mine)

I assume you mean you prefer a virgin female who has reached the age of consent? Anyway, good luck with that.

Well DUH. What, you think I'm a pedophile?

You know, I didn't really think of it that way, it just sort of struck me as odd. Considering that thought though, I now find it extra creepy.



You know, that was exactly what crossed my mind, I just didn't want to say it out loud. Now that you've said it though... I'm forced to agree.

Get stuffed. And I mean that. I'm sure you don't like being insulted, so why insult me? (same with that person you agree with)

 

[Controverse]

I don't like cheating in games, but I don't set much store by virginity.

I think being attracted to sexual inexperience is, as Mling says, indicative of a desire to manipulate. Of course, if you're a virgin yourself then you may prefer someone else who's a virgin - I don't see anything particularly wrong with that.

However, the idea that someone is spoiled when they've had sex betrays a very cynical view of the value of human beings.

I do not desire to manipulate. I'm better than that.

And I am a virgin myself, thank you very much.

I prefer virgins (or at least females who've not had sex intentionally, such as rape for example) cuz then I definitely know they've strived to keep the commandment of God addressing sexuality. Plus, as I once explained to a bunch of people before, one reason I prefer them because I really really like hugs and if they've experienced sex then something as simple as hugs will be more boring for them as they've experienced more than hugs and will in some likelihood find mere hugs to be boring compared to whatever else they've done.

And I don't regard non-virgins to be "spoiled".

 

[Controverse]

You people seem to be incredibly likely to make false assumptions and view other people negatively because of that.

I don't see anything wrong with being a virgin or not being a virgin.

Me neither.

 

[Controverse]

*raises hand*

The more I think about it the creepier it gets.

I CAN understand it being an important criteria for someone who believes both people in a relationship are virgins when they marry or have sex or whatever. But as an actual attractive element of a person? Bit scary.

DUH. I do believe it is an important criteria for me as in the way you stated. That's where the attractive element is derived from, if that makes sense at all.

 

[Controverse]

I honestly don't see why anyone finds a preference for virgins creepy. Odd sure, but creepy?

One may prefer a virgin because there wouldn't be any "baggage" from previous experiences or relationships to intrude on the relationship. Also, there might be some romanticized sense of sharing one's life with only one person, and to have that reciprocated.

You hit the nail right on the head there.

I don't see how that makes it odd though. And much less, creepy.

 

[stan1980]

I was reading this thread last night and was thinking then that it had turned into a bit of a witch hunt based on assumptions.

I'm glad you've cleared this up, and just for the record, I see nothing wrong with a virgin wanting to share his/her first time with another virgin. It's not odd, it's not creepy, it's just personal preference.

 

[Controverse]

I was reading this thread last night and was thinking then that it had turned into a bit of a witch hunt based on assumptions.

I'm glad you've cleared this up, and just for the record, I see nothing wrong with a virgin wanting to share his/her first time with another virgin. It's not odd, it's not creepy, it's just personal preference.

Thank you. I'm glad someone gets it.

 

[Eudaimonist]

Pardon my ignorance, please. What is a bot?

Spartacus1984 is a user account known for hosting a "bot".

A bot is a pattern-matching algorithm designed to mimick a human conversation. I've written a few.

Bots of this sort examine text, find few a key words to give an indication of the gist of what the human meant, and this pattern is matched to some sort of response. This gives the impression that the bot understood what you said and offered a reply.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[God-free]

How very understanding of you people that you might actually insult me.

I suspect a lot of men would prefer a virgin because she'd have no way to compare his performance to anyone else.

Your suspection is wrong.

Please note that I said "I suspect a lot of men would..."
And, if a poll is ever taken on this subject, I believe my suspicion would be confirmed. No insult to you was intended.

(emphasis mine)

I assume you mean you prefer a virgin female who had reached the age of consent? Anyway, good luck with that.

Well DUH. What, you think I'm a pedophile?

I would hope not, but I don't know you. The problem with communicating via written words is that, unless we are very clear, our meanings can be misunderstood. What you wrote was a bit vague. Myself and the other posters were simply speculating about it. Again, no insult was intended. Please don't take anything I say as a personal offense. I assure you, if that is ever my intention, there will be no mistaking it.

Get stuffed. And I mean that. I'm sure you don't like being insulted, so why insult me? (same with that person you agree with)

"That person" is me. See above.

 

[God-free]

Eudaimonist,

Thanks for explaining "bot" to me.

 

[Mling]

That would only make sense if you are not a virgin yourself. If you're a virgin as well, you wouldn't be "besting" them at anything since you're on equal footing, which is what some people want.

In fact, by your reasoning, a virgin would very much not want to be with a non-virgin, because they don't want to feel inferior to the non-virgin's experience.

Well, yeah, I was trying to make that point clear--everything I said only applies to somebody who does have sexual experience. If the person in question is a virgin him/herself, then that changes the whole thing. I can see plenty of perfectly good reasons to find virginity attractive in that case.

For the second point, I'm not trying to predict what a given person *would* feel, or logically *should* feel. There are certainly plenty of virgins (or recently de-virginized people) who do feel inferior to their experienced partners because they think they aren't "good" enough. At least, if letters to sexual advice columnists are any indication. But, I can certainly imagine a virgin *wanting* to be with somebody who was more experienced because they wanted to learn, or they wanted their first time to be good and they thought another virgin would be all fumbly and nervous, or because they have a particular desire or fetish they want to explore and want to make sure their partner is on board with that.

Or, they might actively seek out another virgin, because it's an indication of shared values, or because they want to learn about each other together.

 

[Ave Maria]

I am going to say that I believe that virginity is purely a physical state. If you've had sex, you're not a virgin. If you haven't had sex, you are a virgin.

 

[LouTheWicked]

And some girls are born with a hymen which needs to be broken by a doctor in order to allow menstrual fluid to pass out of their bodies.

*winces* X(

 

[PassionFruit]

Maybe because it's a really bad definition?

Many women break their hymen using tampons, engaging in strenuous exercise, or masturbating, before they ever have sex. Sometimes the hymen doesn't break when someone has sex for the first time. And some girls are born with a hymen which needs to be broken by a doctor in order to allow menstrual fluid to pass out of their bodies. So an intact hymen is in no way an indicator of chastity, nor a broken one a sign that one has had sex.

I think it's a bad definition, to solely define virginity as purely physical. Especially as you point out other ways in which hymens can break.