Hi all, welcome to my first ever post here
Gotta say this is an interesting thread, and here are my two cents worth.
Firstly, I think that while in some obvious respects, virginity is about what someone has or hasn't physically done, there is more to it than that. Whenever someone asks me if I am a virgin (not often, but it has been known to happen) after I ask them why they want to know, I always ask them what they mean by "virgin", so the fact that this thread is asking that very question is encouraging, since I think too often in Christian circles we put the cart before the horse somewhat. I also tend to ask them why they think virginity is important.
Anyway, here's the short version!
I believe virginity is important because of the spiritual bond shared with a spouse and the covenantal nature of the relationship and all of those reasons why sex is to be reserved for marriage. I also believe that sex is about sharing that aspect of oneself exclusively with your spouse. For that reason I don't believe it is just about what you have or haven't done.
Let me be more specific. People often talk about "losing" virginity. I don't believe it can be lost, only given. Can't be taken, either. Likewise I certainly don't think that if someone is not a "virgin" they are automatically not "pure". I believe that not one person on this planet has any claim to purity except through Christ, whatever we have or haven't done, have thought or haven't thought etc, whether to do with sex or anything else.
Can I also just add that all the discussions on this topic I have ever read or been a part of in any chat or discussion board have had two alternative "categories" that people fall into; either the virgin, or those who have sinned sexually and have since had Jesus restore them. Especially articles on purity usually focus on how to keep it, or how to be forgiven if you have lost it! Of the many things that such categorisation brings to mind, I will just mention one of them for brevity's sake; not all people who are "non-virgins" became so through sin. So if purity is equated with virginity and "sin" with a lack of virginity, then wow, where does that leave them?
The definitions so far on this thread have mostly centred around which physical acts one can do and still maintain their "virgin" status. For my two cents worth, I believe that the attitude accompanying the acts is at least as important, especially in situations of child abuse or rape. A few times in "real life" conversations about virginity I have posed the ol' "what about if someone was raped?" question and without exception everyone has thankfully said "oh, that is different!". Well, if that is so, (and I believe it is) then that must mean that "virginity' is more than a physical characteristic. (Mind you, every person I know whose first sexual experience involved rape has instinctively felt that their "status" is different now, due to the loss involved, and have needed to seek God on that, since ultimately all of us are defined by Him & His love).
While there is pain, massive loss, grief, trauma etc in a rape which definitely needs healing, I don't believe that a person who has been raped has anything less to offer their spouse on their wedding night; they are still choosing to share themselves with that person exclusively, and their spouse is the first person they are giving themselves to. After all, sex is not just physical, it also has spiritual and emotional elements - and rape does not involve those. A quote I read once in a book on domestic violence comes to mind "rape is not about sex. If someone hit you over the head with a shovel, you wouldn't call it gardening".
So, I figure those sorts of factors need to be borne in mind if we are talking about virginity, purity, sexual sin etc. It is like a whole side of the discussion that is often unacknowledged.
Mind you, not all "consensual" sex has the same spiritual and emotional elements to it as a married relationship would either; I know a lot of people who basically gave in under pressure but didn't really want to and didn't know how to get out of that situation, especially teenagers. That is one reason why categories are potentially hurtful. Thank God for grace!
OK this is wayyyyyyy longer than I planned. Sorry, and let me know what you think! Now I will go and post an introductory post in the other forum, hehehe.
Makkulu
