Virginity

Here's something to think about: Can you be a virgin if you've committed adultery? Remember adultery can be something done even without physical touch - lust! So are any of us virgins? (Does anyone else hear twilight zone music playing?)

Jedi said:

There's a distinction that should be made here: the letter of the virginity and spirit of virginity. If you wanted to get off on a technicality, then you could do everything in the world except for intercourse and still be a "virgin." However, this is not in the spirit of virginity. Think of your body as a puzzle, where you can give parts of yourself away and once you give a certain piece away, you can never have it back. Once a girl has oral sex with a guy, she can never take that back - it is a part of her that has been permenantly given away. Similarly, if someone loses his or her virginity, that is something that can never be taken back; that (puzzle) piece of themselves has been forever given away. In light of this understanding, if someone has done every sexual thing in the world except for intercourse, they have given every single piece of their puzzle away except for the center piece. The virginity is technically intact, but the picture of sexual purity is nearly non-existant, a mere shadow of what the glory it once was.

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I recall seeing a study one time that referred to "Type I Virgins" as those who had never engaged in sexual activity with another person and "Type II Virgins" as those who had engaged in sexual activity but had not engaged in intercourse.

jay_swift said:

Here's something to think about: Can you be a virgin if you've committed ery? Remember ery can be something done even without physical touch - ! So are any of us virgins? (Does anyone else hear twilight zone music playing?)

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If virginity is a state of mind, you're right, but it isn't. I can fantasize about a woman, but that doesn't mean I've made a spiritual connection with her. That is why virginity is so important to me and so many Christians. We don't want our partners bound to someone else who is still living.

If you have not had sexual intercourse, you are a virgin. Being a virgin - however - does not automatically mean you are sexually pure.

Ive done just about everything there is to do besides intercourse, and I consider myself a virgin.

Actualy, in all my 22 years alive, that is the only thing which I would truely want to change...

At the time, it felt good, but the day after... and all the days after... It's just not worth it.

If you haven't done anything yet, take it from me... Don't do it!!!

lilray said:

If you have not had sexual intercourse, you are a virgin. Being a virgin - however - does not automatically mean you are sexually pure.

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I completely agree

I had to reply to this. I once knew of a Mormon girl who had anal sex with her boyfriends but saved vaginal sex for her husband, by her standards she was still a virgin for her husband! Just FYI.

<~~~34 year old virgin. Yes, I've "done other stuff" which were sins. I've spoken to my pastor and he explained I sinned but did NOT lose my virginity.

Living4Him03 said:

Wow. Yah I definitely think anal is sex and if you do it, then you are definitely not a virgin. I don't get why you would want to do anal before doing vaginal sex. I mean, it may hurt the first time you do vaginal or be uncomfortable, but with anal it's a whole other thing. It's not even an area that's designed to take in such a large object lol.

My boyfriend thinks anal is okay before marriage but vaginal is not. I think he assumes with me that we will eventually get married so why not just do anal, but that's bad reasoning. Now if only I could convince him of this!

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Well, technicaly, it's designed for something that large and more.

And anal is something that should definately be left for "after geting married", along with everything else one can do...

One of my mates thinks that because he hasnt entered a woman - he is still a virgin. I tend to disagree - he's touched her, done everything BUT enter her fully (he's been like a hairs breath away) - so why would he think himself still a virgin? Is he fooling himself?

We always argue about this - I keep saying - listen if she'd moved one more inch, you wouldn't be by your own definition - so how can you say you are... but he says in his mind he is?

I don't get this...

Sasch

ps. My opinion - whether you have oral/anal/digital/vaginal sex - you are not a full virgin - you gave yourself sexually to someone else - in a way that should wait til marriage...

I can honestly say there isn't much else that I could add to this thread. There are some awesome points that I think everyone needs to remember. I'm grateful you've all posted your thoughts, it's really helpful when you can see people that believe so strongly in sexual purity.

However, reading these threads about sex and virginity is a very sobering experience for me as I'm not a virgin (technical definition or not). I realize I can never fall beyond God's grace, and that through Him I am a born again virgin, but I struggled to forgive myself for a long time before now (for any of my sexual involvement). To be completely honest, even now Satan reminds me of his power over me through my mistakes; through the regret and sadness. I lost my virginity at 16 and it's taken me over two years to even acknowledge that Satan had that grip in my life. That he could make me forget God's grace and the fact that I wasn't the same person anymore.

But God is so great, so powerful. I'm beginning to take new steps in complete freedom with Him and I'm endlessly grateful for His awesome love.

Heh, kind of gushed a little; thanks for giving me a place to share this.

This is a very interesting subject that I have always wanted to discuss... Just for the reason that I think it applies to everybody! Especially when we are teenagers and we become interested in this kind of thing. I believe that intercourse is considered losing your virginity and everything else is ok. Except Anal Sex... I can't really give reasons for it, I just think this way. This coming from somebody who hasn't done anything yet...

Hi all, welcome to my first ever post here

Gotta say this is an interesting thread, and here are my two cents worth.

Firstly, I think that while in some obvious respects, virginity is about what someone has or hasn't physically done, there is more to it than that. Whenever someone asks me if I am a virgin (not often, but it has been known to happen) after I ask them why they want to know, I always ask them what they mean by "virgin", so the fact that this thread is asking that very question is encouraging, since I think too often in Christian circles we put the cart before the horse somewhat. I also tend to ask them why they think virginity is important.

Anyway, here's the short version!
I believe virginity is important because of the spiritual bond shared with a spouse and the covenantal nature of the relationship and all of those reasons why sex is to be reserved for marriage. I also believe that sex is about sharing that aspect of oneself exclusively with your spouse. For that reason I don't believe it is just about what you have or haven't done.

Let me be more specific. People often talk about "losing" virginity. I don't believe it can be lost, only given. Can't be taken, either. Likewise I certainly don't think that if someone is not a "virgin" they are automatically not "pure". I believe that not one person on this planet has any claim to purity except through Christ, whatever we have or haven't done, have thought or haven't thought etc, whether to do with sex or anything else.

Can I also just add that all the discussions on this topic I have ever read or been a part of in any chat or discussion board have had two alternative "categories" that people fall into; either the virgin, or those who have sinned sexually and have since had Jesus restore them. Especially articles on purity usually focus on how to keep it, or how to be forgiven if you have lost it! Of the many things that such categorisation brings to mind, I will just mention one of them for brevity's sake; not all people who are "non-virgins" became so through sin. So if purity is equated with virginity and "sin" with a lack of virginity, then wow, where does that leave them?

The definitions so far on this thread have mostly centred around which physical acts one can do and still maintain their "virgin" status. For my two cents worth, I believe that the attitude accompanying the acts is at least as important, especially in situations of child abuse or rape. A few times in "real life" conversations about virginity I have posed the ol' "what about if someone was raped?" question and without exception everyone has thankfully said "oh, that is different!". Well, if that is so, (and I believe it is) then that must mean that "virginity' is more than a physical characteristic. (Mind you, every person I know whose first sexual experience involved rape has instinctively felt that their "status" is different now, due to the loss involved, and have needed to seek God on that, since ultimately all of us are defined by Him & His love).

While there is pain, massive loss, grief, trauma etc in a rape which definitely needs healing, I don't believe that a person who has been raped has anything less to offer their spouse on their wedding night; they are still choosing to share themselves with that person exclusively, and their spouse is the first person they are giving themselves to. After all, sex is not just physical, it also has spiritual and emotional elements - and rape does not involve those. A quote I read once in a book on domestic violence comes to mind "rape is not about sex. If someone hit you over the head with a shovel, you wouldn't call it gardening".

So, I figure those sorts of factors need to be borne in mind if we are talking about virginity, purity, sexual sin etc. It is like a whole side of the discussion that is often unacknowledged.

Mind you, not all "consensual" sex has the same spiritual and emotional elements to it as a married relationship would either; I know a lot of people who basically gave in under pressure but didn't really want to and didn't know how to get out of that situation, especially teenagers. That is one reason why categories are potentially hurtful. Thank God for grace!

OK this is wayyyyyyy longer than I planned. Sorry, and let me know what you think! Now I will go and post an introductory post in the other forum, hehehe.

Makkulu

I turn 40 this year and I am still a virgin.
It is important to me so that I only GIVE MYSELF to my (future) husband.
The only thing I have done is hold hands and kiss.
No petting (etc) above or below the waist.
For me anything beyond that is not appropriate before marriage.
And I do not do anything to my fiance.