Hi all and greetings in the name of the lord. I am new to CF as I was sieving through the internet to see what Christian advice and encouragement I could possibly get as I am battling the effects of separation after a 10yr old marriage went stale just 3 months ago. I will try to be as brief as possible.
10years ago, I got married to a woman I was ready to settle and grow old with. Of course most of us always think that way at the onset. Prior to that she lived out of state and I met her while visiting a friend out of state. Weeks later she called and told me about a narcotic habit she had and said it was a mild one and said she would drop it. I agreed she does and took her word for it. She later moved to my state with 3 kids from previous marriage. This was after we got married. Things went well for about 2yrs..at least I thought so. Little known to me she was engaging in the habit behind my back. I later learnt that during this time, there was also infidelity going on. It all culminated in the marriage being rocked majorly that we had to go to a church nearby that the kids had been attending, for counseling. As the counseling days went on I continued to hear very disturbing revelations from people I knew. My anger was so great I had to hand it all to the lord or I was going to do something I would regret for life. I got saved and started walking the path. This helped me a lot and I calmed down ten fold. In the back of my mind I pondered divorce as she had fulfilled all the biblical justifications for divorce. During this time we trusted a church member who used to pick up our girls for church only for the church member along the way to prey on my wife. It was devastating that a place I went to for spiritual guidance could have someone that vile within its staff. I later learnt he was told to leave the church. Not sure if it was true or not.
I had stayed with my wife till this point for two reasons 1 - As I always mentioned to her, I meant the wedding vows and was going to live by them (although at this point that was a null application). Basically, I did not believe in divorce of course unless it was justified by scripture 2 - We had only been married abt 2yrs and maybe one last shot at it would get us to see and learn even more about each other with hope of changing for the better.
By this time things got a little out of hand as she started missing from home at nights and one can only wonder what on earth she was thinking. I was left with the girls for upto about 3 days. Two times I filed a missing person report only for her to show up looking remorseful and in tears (it was either effects of her habit or she was faking). Needless to say We separated and next I heard was that the girls dad had picked them up and taken them back out of state. By that time we were separated for 6 months.
I continued with my life and once in a while she would communicate more so telling me she was cleaning up and had got into a program..urged by somebody, one I I can't remember now. She worked on herself for a couple of months and kept constant communication with me. Also more important of all she asked Christ into her life and during those months we talked a lot about scripture and things related. I finally visited her. She was living in another town then and I saw a lot of change in her and weeks later we agreed to get back together but keep God in the marriage so that we could stay on the right path as well as heal. However, I mentioned to her that should she have any urge to consume any of those things she was doings, she should talk to me and I would do whatever I could to help her or we'd just put our heads together and figure out how to beat this. Again all I had in mind was " For better or for worse"..i was ready to help her after all I vowed to and now we had God in the marriage.
It was amazing what I observed the next 7yrs. She had embarked on being a Biblical / Godly woman and read lots on proverbs 31 I think it was. I am not sure how but she did her research and worked hard at it. It was a great 7yrs. Got to a point we at one time worked in the same office recently for about a year. And our daily life pretty much was getting out of bed,sitting in the car getting to work in the same office room. We thought were super blessed to be able to spend that much time together and enjoying working together e.t.c. That was just abt 2yrs ago. She later met some friends and always shared gospel messages with them among other discussions mostly the issue of a biblical woman. I could never have been prouder and our marriage just felt so secure. Then she met one specific friend..about one year ago, this friend was having major family issues. She was not married yet but living with the man and three kids..two teenagers who were in detention for shop lifting or at the psychiatrists for attempted suicide before being admitted to a mental hospital. As for the friend she would have arguments with the husband pretty much daily and then punch the wall in anger only to call my wife to run her to the ER. I later (two months ago) learnt both were active users of narcotics.
My wife sympathized with them a year ago and would go over to this friends house and try to help her with a few chores as well as share some of what she haed learnt about a womans role in the home. This went on for a while and a lot changed in that family which I was gald about but at the same time they got so close that due to the trust built then, this friend started doing the usual infront of my wife. According to my wife it was occasional which I doubt but that is where the old demon from 8yrs kicked back in.
I had started to notice somethings different in my wife and warned her about too much time with that friend who by now according to my wife could not sit still for 3o minutes to do bible study without starting a heavily irrelevant girly chat. I clearly told my wife it was time to stop and that the seed had been planted and let God do the rest.. She repeatedly said she did not want to give up on the girl as she seemed so close. I finally quit mentioning it for fear that it might be taken that I am jealous of the friendship which I wasn't but I just had this bad feeling in my stomach. Long story short, my wife restarted her missing nights returning with irrelevant excuses. Our own money "walked" out of the house and neither of us knew where it had "walked" too! This happened once and the next day she went missing at night and used the excuse that she felt bad for the missing money and figured I would be upset so she stayed out...I couldn't believe this and told her that was it. She had walked back on her word and all from 8yrs was returning. told I was leaving at the end of the month as I had some contracted commitments and couldn't leave immediately. She was always sobbing when making these excuses. She buried herself into the scripture again and a few days later, left the Bible open to take a dish or something to a friend and never returned. I shut the bible closed at about 1am that night so heavy with sadness. I was watching my wife slowly get led away by the devil and I was helpless. I was helpless and couldn't fight beside her because she wouldn't let me or didn't tell me she was falling again so I could help her. All that happened 8yrs ago started to flood my mind. Where was the biblical woman I had seen the past 7yrs who worked hard to change?
Needless to say things deteriorated towards the close of the month. It was hard to believe how we had used the best shot to fix marital issues and it worked well only for my wife to turn her back on God. The past three months have been horrible as I have been trying to move on as we are separated and heading for divorce by end of summer.Last I heard as I was out of town is that that same friend who led her down this path had filed a missing persons report and an hour later police were at a door of a "known dealer" and there they found her. How could the Police have known that precisely? As this friend continues to pretend to be a "good" Christian, she knows deep down how much damage she has done. This friend got married about 3wks ago to the same man and of course with their active use of narcotics, she is going to do just fine getting along with the man. Meanwhile her friend (my wife) who went out to rescue their relationship fell victim and there is nothing left of her marriage. Sorry for the long rant. Sometimes it just doesn't make any sense how we can walk away from Gods purpose so easily. I continue to watch sermons from various pastor preaching true gospel although I miss our times with my wife that we used to do that together. I am recovering and getting strong slowly but steadily. Have heard nothing about the wife and really do not think I want to know anymore. It was all so sudden and I just need to recover from the shock. Anyone been through anything of the sort?
10years ago, I got married to a woman I was ready to settle and grow old with. Of course most of us always think that way at the onset. Prior to that she lived out of state and I met her while visiting a friend out of state. Weeks later she called and told me about a narcotic habit she had and said it was a mild one and said she would drop it. I agreed she does and took her word for it. She later moved to my state with 3 kids from previous marriage. This was after we got married. Things went well for about 2yrs..at least I thought so. Little known to me she was engaging in the habit behind my back. I later learnt that during this time, there was also infidelity going on. It all culminated in the marriage being rocked majorly that we had to go to a church nearby that the kids had been attending, for counseling. As the counseling days went on I continued to hear very disturbing revelations from people I knew. My anger was so great I had to hand it all to the lord or I was going to do something I would regret for life. I got saved and started walking the path. This helped me a lot and I calmed down ten fold. In the back of my mind I pondered divorce as she had fulfilled all the biblical justifications for divorce. During this time we trusted a church member who used to pick up our girls for church only for the church member along the way to prey on my wife. It was devastating that a place I went to for spiritual guidance could have someone that vile within its staff. I later learnt he was told to leave the church. Not sure if it was true or not.
I had stayed with my wife till this point for two reasons 1 - As I always mentioned to her, I meant the wedding vows and was going to live by them (although at this point that was a null application). Basically, I did not believe in divorce of course unless it was justified by scripture 2 - We had only been married abt 2yrs and maybe one last shot at it would get us to see and learn even more about each other with hope of changing for the better.
By this time things got a little out of hand as she started missing from home at nights and one can only wonder what on earth she was thinking. I was left with the girls for upto about 3 days. Two times I filed a missing person report only for her to show up looking remorseful and in tears (it was either effects of her habit or she was faking). Needless to say We separated and next I heard was that the girls dad had picked them up and taken them back out of state. By that time we were separated for 6 months.
I continued with my life and once in a while she would communicate more so telling me she was cleaning up and had got into a program..urged by somebody, one I I can't remember now. She worked on herself for a couple of months and kept constant communication with me. Also more important of all she asked Christ into her life and during those months we talked a lot about scripture and things related. I finally visited her. She was living in another town then and I saw a lot of change in her and weeks later we agreed to get back together but keep God in the marriage so that we could stay on the right path as well as heal. However, I mentioned to her that should she have any urge to consume any of those things she was doings, she should talk to me and I would do whatever I could to help her or we'd just put our heads together and figure out how to beat this. Again all I had in mind was " For better or for worse"..i was ready to help her after all I vowed to and now we had God in the marriage.
It was amazing what I observed the next 7yrs. She had embarked on being a Biblical / Godly woman and read lots on proverbs 31 I think it was. I am not sure how but she did her research and worked hard at it. It was a great 7yrs. Got to a point we at one time worked in the same office recently for about a year. And our daily life pretty much was getting out of bed,sitting in the car getting to work in the same office room. We thought were super blessed to be able to spend that much time together and enjoying working together e.t.c. That was just abt 2yrs ago. She later met some friends and always shared gospel messages with them among other discussions mostly the issue of a biblical woman. I could never have been prouder and our marriage just felt so secure. Then she met one specific friend..about one year ago, this friend was having major family issues. She was not married yet but living with the man and three kids..two teenagers who were in detention for shop lifting or at the psychiatrists for attempted suicide before being admitted to a mental hospital. As for the friend she would have arguments with the husband pretty much daily and then punch the wall in anger only to call my wife to run her to the ER. I later (two months ago) learnt both were active users of narcotics.
My wife sympathized with them a year ago and would go over to this friends house and try to help her with a few chores as well as share some of what she haed learnt about a womans role in the home. This went on for a while and a lot changed in that family which I was gald about but at the same time they got so close that due to the trust built then, this friend started doing the usual infront of my wife. According to my wife it was occasional which I doubt but that is where the old demon from 8yrs kicked back in.
I had started to notice somethings different in my wife and warned her about too much time with that friend who by now according to my wife could not sit still for 3o minutes to do bible study without starting a heavily irrelevant girly chat. I clearly told my wife it was time to stop and that the seed had been planted and let God do the rest.. She repeatedly said she did not want to give up on the girl as she seemed so close. I finally quit mentioning it for fear that it might be taken that I am jealous of the friendship which I wasn't but I just had this bad feeling in my stomach. Long story short, my wife restarted her missing nights returning with irrelevant excuses. Our own money "walked" out of the house and neither of us knew where it had "walked" too! This happened once and the next day she went missing at night and used the excuse that she felt bad for the missing money and figured I would be upset so she stayed out...I couldn't believe this and told her that was it. She had walked back on her word and all from 8yrs was returning. told I was leaving at the end of the month as I had some contracted commitments and couldn't leave immediately. She was always sobbing when making these excuses. She buried herself into the scripture again and a few days later, left the Bible open to take a dish or something to a friend and never returned. I shut the bible closed at about 1am that night so heavy with sadness. I was watching my wife slowly get led away by the devil and I was helpless. I was helpless and couldn't fight beside her because she wouldn't let me or didn't tell me she was falling again so I could help her. All that happened 8yrs ago started to flood my mind. Where was the biblical woman I had seen the past 7yrs who worked hard to change?
Needless to say things deteriorated towards the close of the month. It was hard to believe how we had used the best shot to fix marital issues and it worked well only for my wife to turn her back on God. The past three months have been horrible as I have been trying to move on as we are separated and heading for divorce by end of summer.Last I heard as I was out of town is that that same friend who led her down this path had filed a missing persons report and an hour later police were at a door of a "known dealer" and there they found her. How could the Police have known that precisely? As this friend continues to pretend to be a "good" Christian, she knows deep down how much damage she has done. This friend got married about 3wks ago to the same man and of course with their active use of narcotics, she is going to do just fine getting along with the man. Meanwhile her friend (my wife) who went out to rescue their relationship fell victim and there is nothing left of her marriage. Sorry for the long rant. Sometimes it just doesn't make any sense how we can walk away from Gods purpose so easily. I continue to watch sermons from various pastor preaching true gospel although I miss our times with my wife that we used to do that together. I am recovering and getting strong slowly but steadily. Have heard nothing about the wife and really do not think I want to know anymore. It was all so sudden and I just need to recover from the shock. Anyone been through anything of the sort?
Just looks like a lot of this was just her faultering psyche all through. Will surely miss the christian woman that i saw after the first split. Really thought she had nailed there for 7 -8yrs.
