Very poor luck in finding someone

[ThisIsMe123]

Whenever I decide to look for dates or already seeing someone, something in my life comes up that prevents it from continuing. Something incredibly important that I need to deal with, robbing me of time and sometimes, money to have dates or build a relationship with someone.

Happened many times that I've lost count.

Here's something more insidious. If I decided I don't like the woman, nothing big happens in my life. But if I see or meet someone I really like, something big happens in my life that prevents me from continuing with her.

Why? The devil or God? Is this God's way of telling me to remain single?

Being single is a better thing after all, according to the Bible anyways. But I can't help but sometimes think/desire of being in a relationship.

I'm already 37 so my chances aren't very good by the number. The only thing that's going for me is that I still look young. Random people think I'm only in my early twenties. Makes for a good impression, until the truth about my age comes out.

You need to be more specific about the events you're referring to.

 

[blackribbon]

When we were young (late teens - early twenties) the man who would become my husband and I had many starts" where we would date and then life would pull us apart....and yet we always eventually came back together. During the off times, we continued to live life and date other people...often with little to no contact with each other. I think it may have been God showing me that he was the right man... in spite that he didn't match much on my "wish list". What I knew is that I loved him...I loved him as a man and a friend. That love is what tied use together even when we were in a time of life where we weren't in each other's life. I think my husband needed that time to grow up a bit more and prepared him to be a husband. The think is that even in the time we were pulled apart, I would have dropped my life to support him through a crisis. It was sort of the realization that we belonged together. There were a few other men in my life that I loved...but honestly, I also liked my time away from them and certainly didn't feel the same bond.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Just from reading the first page it sounds like you don't believe you deserve a loving relationship. If I am right then what are some reasons why you believe this to be true? I think if it is true then it is sabotaging any relationship you may have the chance to be in because it's kind of a self fulfilling prophecy if you go into dating/relationships with this mindset. You need to go into dates/relationships knowing you are the prize, you shouldn't go in feeling like the other person is doing you a favor by giving you a chance. If this is true then i'd focus less on why i'm single and more on what i would need to become to not feel like a woman who goes with me is doing it out of pity.

 

[timewerx]

Just from reading the first page it sounds like you don't believe you deserve a loving relationship.

I do believe I deserve a loving relationship.

However, for me, destiny (fate or whatever people calls it) laid out by the Holy Spirit for me is of higher priority than romance or family life.

 

[trophy33]

Why should we "deserve" anything? Everything is just grace.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Why should we "deserve" anything? Everything is just grace.

Seems like a way to justify not trying to improve yourself. There's grace and there's also effort involved. It sounds like you don't want to put in the effort necessary so you say welp it's all grace I don't need to do anything.

Grace is you having the opportunity to do something about your situation instead of being completely paralyzed or dead. But it's not just welp grace does everything. Don't forget the work required of you due to the grace you received. I believe if you have received the grace to change your life and become everything you could become then you are morally obligated to become who you could be if you put in the work.

 

[CodyFaith]

To timewerx:

Scripture is clear that bringing a woman into a man's life to marry is God's doing. You can shine yourself up like a new penny all you want, put in ample amount of time and effort, but if it's a no on God's end then it's a no.
Likewise, many people put in very little effort and come across someone that matches with them perfectly, because God desired them to be married.

If you're meant to be married and you're slacking on searching, but you trust in God, you can be sure he'd light a fire under you. Everything is in God's control, everything. We need not follow any of the world's understanding of dating.

Also, Satan cannot be to blame for you not having someone. Satan is not above God in anything. So again, if God wants you to find someone, you will.

And to those saying you don't find a wife because you deserve one and that it's "all grace", here is scripture that disagrees:
Proverbs 18:22
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.

It's both grace and favor. There are two types of righteous men who go to the grave wifeless. One, the man who God wants to remain single for his specific calling for that person. And two, the man who did not deserve a wife from God because of xyz character faults.

It may just be that it's not your time yet. Or it may be because God wants you to remain single. Whatever the case is, keep searching, keep seeking God with all your heart and he'll eventually give you an answer. Scripture says he gives us wisdom in whatever we ask in faith.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

.

 

[timewerx]

It may just be that it's not your time yet. Or it may be because God wants you to remain single. Whatever the case is, keep searching, keep seeking God with all your heart and he'll eventually give you an answer. Scripture says he gives us wisdom in whatever we ask in faith.

God seems to be working with me for the moment with something.

I don't see how a GF or Wife could prevent me from that. Perhaps unwanted distraction. I'm biased in hoping that they're not going to be too distracting!

 

[blackribbon]

God seems to be working with me for the moment with something.

I don't see how a GF or Wife could prevent me from that. Perhaps unwanted distraction. I'm biased in hoping that they're not going to be too distracting!

If she isn't very distracting when you are getting to know each other, then it isn't really love. Maybe "respect" or "just settling" ... but a woman or man in love have a hard time thinking about anything that doesn't involve their love.

 

[timewerx]

If she isn't very distracting when you are getting to know each other, then it isn't really love. Maybe "respect" or "just settling" ... but a woman or man in love have a hard time thinking about anything that doesn't involve their love.

That might be a problem for me. Romantic love isn't the highest pursuit of my life. Not in this fallen world anyway. I think I'm getting answers from the Lord.

She might keep me "in-line" with the world OR lead me away from the path I've chosen which turned out to be the Lord's ideal path for me all along.

It doesn't seem to mean that I'm going to be single forever. Although that would mean having someone who is also taking the same path I chose which is much much harder to find. I suppose that might explain my "poor" luck. The one for me is simply that much harder to find.

 

[CodyFaith]

God seems to be working with me for the moment with something.

I don't see how a GF or Wife could prevent me from that. Perhaps unwanted distraction. I'm biased in hoping that they're not going to be too distracting!

All we know is God knows best. Lots of time I search and ask for reasons and am not given clear answers right away. Some things take time. Just have to trust, and in his time he'll make it clear to us.

 

[blackribbon]

That might be a problem for me. Romantic love isn't the highest pursuit of my life. Not in this fallen world anyway. I think I'm getting answers from the Lord.

She might keep me "in-line" with the world OR lead me away from the path I've chosen which turned out to be the Lord's ideal path for me all along.

It doesn't seem to mean that I'm going to be single forever. Although that would mean having someone who is also taking the same path I chose which is much much harder to find. I suppose that might explain my "poor" luck. The one for me is simply that much harder to find.

Why do you want to get married if you don't have a need for romantic love?

 

[timewerx]

Why do you want to get married if you don't have a need for romantic love?

I need romantic love.

If I find someone taking the same path as myself then I could take that chance. Seems to be where the messages are leading.

 

[blackribbon]

That might be a problem for me. Romantic love isn't the highest pursuit of my life. Not in this fallen world anyway. I think I'm getting answers from the Lord.

She might keep me "in-line" with the world OR lead me away from the path I've chosen which turned out to be the Lord's ideal path for me all along.

It doesn't seem to mean that I'm going to be single forever. Although that would mean having someone who is also taking the same path I chose which is much much harder to find. I suppose that might explain my "poor" luck. The one for me is simply that much harder to find.

What do you mean by this then?

I think that you need to find someone following the same path or willing to start following the same path... AND romantic love. The first doesn't mean that you will also have romantic love because you can find same sex people who are able to follow a similar path alongside you.

 

[timewerx]

What do you mean by this then?

I think that you need to find someone following the same path or willing to start following the same path... AND romantic love. The first doesn't mean that you will also have romantic love because you can find same sex people who are able to follow a similar path alongside you.

What I meant when I said, Romantic love isn't the highest pursuit in my life means, I am in pursuit of something of higher priority in my life.

It doesn't mean I don't pursue romantic love. I would whenever an opportunity presents itself as long as it doesn't interfere with my higher pursuit. I do get oppotunities but as my OP states, it is quickly extinguished by seemingly uncanny events.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

despite what some people in society would tell you, there's nothing wrong with desiring a woman who is a helper suitable for you.

1 Corinthians 11:7-9

 

[timewerx]

despite what some people in society would tell you, there's nothing wrong with desiring a woman who is a helper suitable for you.

1 Corinthians 11:7-9

The meaning of "helper" gets lost in English . The original Hebrew word for "helper" is far more exalted!

A "Co-Captain" is a more suitable word to use!

Desiring a woman who will be my co-captain in the path I chose, absolutely!

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

The meaning of "helper" gets lost in English . The original Hebrew word for "helper" is far more exalted!

A "Co-Captain" is a more suitable word to use!

Desiring a woman who will be my co-captain in the path I chose, absolutely!

point being that you're looking for a woman who will come along side you in what you seek to accomplish.

a woman who has her own thing going will still be supportive of what you're doing, but will be too busy with her own matters to truly partner with you in what you're trying to do.

 

[timewerx]

point being that you're looking for a woman who will come along side you in what you seek to accomplish.

I agree. And she would be my Co-Captain in the mission the Lord has for me.

Not very easy to find however.