Gnarwhal
☩ Broman Catholic ☩
- Oct 31, 2008
- 20,856
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- Catholic
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- Married
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- US-Republican
Alright Ive talked about this a few times and its making me angry/frustrated/sad to no end so I'm going to go ahead and post it.
I meet a really nice girl and really liked her. Prior to her I had never been on a date or kissed. We talked for about a month and half and went on 2 dates. Everything was going really well and I was pretty confident it was headed towards a relationships. But she started acting a little dodgey, couldn't ever meet up and didn't have time to talk on the phone (which less than 5 days before on the date she told me to call anytime and that she would always talk to me if I call ). Finally I straight up called her out on it and what was going on, we had a really honest talk. I said I liked her, she said she liked me (and even went on to explain WHY). But that she was going through a bunch of stuff right now, and was stuck in a hard place. And she ask me to stand by her while all of it was happening (she wouldn't tell me what IT was). Anyway, I told her I would, but that I wasn't staying in limbo forever, and I had no interest in just being her friend. I took her at her word, that was about a week ago.
Last weekend she went on a date with another guy.
Obviously, I'm angry, because she probably lied to me and DEFIANTLY lead me on by acting like it was headed towards a relationship.
Ive been leaving her on her own and giving her space since our last text conversation. Honestly, I'll probably text her at some point durring this week asking if she ever got "everything figured out" which she will probably reply that she hasn't. At that point, I'm calling her out on the crap, telling her I'm not going to stick around like I said, because I'm not just going to be some guy she put on the backburner and is constantly leading on while going out with other guys. Its not happening and I'm done.
The only reason I want to send that, is so I can have some kind of closure, because honestly, I'm still hurting pretty bad right now, because I thought this was headed to a relationship, it was my first experience romantically with a girl, and I really need to get rid of uncertainty, and I would rather us leave on bad terms than constantly be wondering if I misread something.
I'm stuck at home over the break and no one is in town from college so I have nothing to do but sit at home and stew over this. Which is NOT helping at all.
I understand how you feel, I personally don't date one person at a time and so if I hit it off with someone who does it creates an inner conflict inside me and an overwhelming sense of insecurity because I know that I'm not dating anyone else but it's likely that she is.
The thing is, unless a mutual commitment has been verbally communicated, she's not obligated to date you exclusively. Now if you guys had agreed to date exclusively and then she goes off with some other dude, that's a big problem and I'd drop her like a hot potato.
All that being said, sometimes women just don't do closure. Sometimes guys don't either. Over Thanksgiving break I went out with a girl two nights in a row, we really hit it off and enjoyed hanging out. We skipped a day but then the following Monday night we hung out again, then for some reason communication slowly ground to a halt and now it's been maybe two weeks since I've heard from her. I wrote her off about 10 days ago though because at some point I have to harvest my dignity and say "nah, I like you but I don't dance that way so off you go."
I know it's easier said than done in your case because this is your first experience with romance and there's probably that aching suspicion that it'll be your last, but trust me - your luck only gets better from here. I'm 28 and still single, and that's actually becoming less a problem for me because I'm happy with who I am regardless of if there's a woman in my life or not.
I know this post probably doesn't cut to the heart of the problem, but it may be a few things to think about.
Lastly, I would just sort of piggy-back on what others have said. I wouldn't go on the offensive with this girl. Like I said, I know you want closure, but there's always going to be a chance that closure isn't available (and I mean that in all sorts of places, people, experiences, etc in life). You may lose a job and not have closure with that, a family member may pass away unexpectedly and you lack closure in some sense with that, or a relationship fails before it even gets off the ground and... no closure. It's one of those realities of life we have to wrestle with, but I think for your sake I would take the high road and not send any kind of aggressive, condemning or accusatory text messages.
I've done that exact thing before when I was much younger and 100% of the time it blows right up in your face. It's practically a guarantee.
Just a few things to think about.
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