Say Scott,
What part of the cities are you in now? Close to the capital or far out?
In order to find what you are looking for, do you need to go into the city or further out or just get a lot smaller? Say a duplex instead of a single family unit.
I was also wondering, why do you think your wife hasn't found the relationships a woman needs in a congregation where you have been. I know us guys tend to be doctrine doctrine doctrine, but it seems to me most women are a lot more in tune to whether others are friendly and really care and so on. And this isn't any hidden shot at the LCMS or anything. It's just if your wife met some real friends in the church I doubt if you could have pried her out with a big stick. More than a few congregations have a woman or two that do their best to chase people away, maybe your wife ran into one of those buzzsaws.
Some congregations do fall into a pattern of condemning young women all the time, I think without even realizing it. When you look at all the demands placed on them, a constant diet of "You aren't doing it right." would get pretty old pretty quick. Sometimes people hear that message when it is from within themselves and not from others.
Children issues also seems to be a time when in many marriages a conflict that didn't seem that large before, becomes more important because that's the church your children will hopefully grow up in. Maybe she has some issues with that congregation in particular or your synod in general that she still hasn't been able to really accept even though she has tried.
You don't need to respond, its just something to think about as you look for a new home.
We had quite a time finding a church home here when we got married. We even went to a church in Canada, they were real friendly but the problem was the border, and it didn't seem that we could get past being the "Americans". We just weren't going to really become a part of that congregation. It took awhile but we did settle at Ebenezer. We sure wish it wasn't that 30 mile drive all the time though.
My wife has talked quite a bit about starting a congregation here. A couple of times she thought we should join one of the missionary groups here. I guess I did what Chirho said and put my foot down. Though somehow it sounds a bit different when he says it. Anyway, it wasn't because I thought the groups were so bad, but there were things that were warning flags to me so I kind of vetoed any such idea. I would say that there were a couple of congregations that I could have been just fine at, that we didn't go to because of somewhat the same thing for my wife. So they just didn't fit us.
That's the thing, in marriage two become one. Our doctrine says it, yet I don't think a lot of people really believe it, they still treat a couple like two separate people. Your family is going through quite a time of change now, I sure hope is doesn't decline into your way vs. her way.
One thing I would suggest, it has it's own dangers, but I think you two are strong enough, is to go to some services at some of the churches you two "would never go to." Now why would I suggest that, it is so you can spend some time afterwards talking about them, what they did right, what they did wrong, and what is the proper way to worship. It's one way to bring up doctrine without having to start out with doctrine.
It's also good to do a little "the ideal congregation would be..."
You know, a lot of couples never go through a time of really getting to know each other after they get married, I guess what I am recommending is almost like when you were dating and you just couldn't wait to learn all about the other person, to go back to that a bit to make sure the family's course is going down a common path.
One thing I think you should examine is the issue of adiaphora. Now a lot might say something is adiaphora but in practice, they would require it. Now if something that is adiaphora becomes required then it is no longer adiaphora at all, but something to be fought against for to make the areas of freedom no freedom at all becomes a false gospel. It is likely in this area where some of the conflicts between you exist. You might say something is an area of freedom and she might respond with asking why then does every congregation you would consider do it that way? Where is the freedom?
And how is that pneumonia going?
Marv
What part of the cities are you in now? Close to the capital or far out?
In order to find what you are looking for, do you need to go into the city or further out or just get a lot smaller? Say a duplex instead of a single family unit.
I was also wondering, why do you think your wife hasn't found the relationships a woman needs in a congregation where you have been. I know us guys tend to be doctrine doctrine doctrine, but it seems to me most women are a lot more in tune to whether others are friendly and really care and so on. And this isn't any hidden shot at the LCMS or anything. It's just if your wife met some real friends in the church I doubt if you could have pried her out with a big stick. More than a few congregations have a woman or two that do their best to chase people away, maybe your wife ran into one of those buzzsaws.
Some congregations do fall into a pattern of condemning young women all the time, I think without even realizing it. When you look at all the demands placed on them, a constant diet of "You aren't doing it right." would get pretty old pretty quick. Sometimes people hear that message when it is from within themselves and not from others.
Children issues also seems to be a time when in many marriages a conflict that didn't seem that large before, becomes more important because that's the church your children will hopefully grow up in. Maybe she has some issues with that congregation in particular or your synod in general that she still hasn't been able to really accept even though she has tried.
You don't need to respond, its just something to think about as you look for a new home.
We had quite a time finding a church home here when we got married. We even went to a church in Canada, they were real friendly but the problem was the border, and it didn't seem that we could get past being the "Americans". We just weren't going to really become a part of that congregation. It took awhile but we did settle at Ebenezer. We sure wish it wasn't that 30 mile drive all the time though.
My wife has talked quite a bit about starting a congregation here. A couple of times she thought we should join one of the missionary groups here. I guess I did what Chirho said and put my foot down. Though somehow it sounds a bit different when he says it. Anyway, it wasn't because I thought the groups were so bad, but there were things that were warning flags to me so I kind of vetoed any such idea. I would say that there were a couple of congregations that I could have been just fine at, that we didn't go to because of somewhat the same thing for my wife. So they just didn't fit us.
That's the thing, in marriage two become one. Our doctrine says it, yet I don't think a lot of people really believe it, they still treat a couple like two separate people. Your family is going through quite a time of change now, I sure hope is doesn't decline into your way vs. her way.
One thing I would suggest, it has it's own dangers, but I think you two are strong enough, is to go to some services at some of the churches you two "would never go to." Now why would I suggest that, it is so you can spend some time afterwards talking about them, what they did right, what they did wrong, and what is the proper way to worship. It's one way to bring up doctrine without having to start out with doctrine.
It's also good to do a little "the ideal congregation would be..."
You know, a lot of couples never go through a time of really getting to know each other after they get married, I guess what I am recommending is almost like when you were dating and you just couldn't wait to learn all about the other person, to go back to that a bit to make sure the family's course is going down a common path.
One thing I think you should examine is the issue of adiaphora. Now a lot might say something is adiaphora but in practice, they would require it. Now if something that is adiaphora becomes required then it is no longer adiaphora at all, but something to be fought against for to make the areas of freedom no freedom at all becomes a false gospel. It is likely in this area where some of the conflicts between you exist. You might say something is an area of freedom and she might respond with asking why then does every congregation you would consider do it that way? Where is the freedom?
And how is that pneumonia going?
Marv
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