Using a "Visible" warning

[SimplyComplex]

So my DH and I have a pretty lively strong-willed 4 1/2 year old. Disciple has been sometimes ackward and difficult but general effective. Lately we've had difficulty getting her to understand why shes being disciplined and making sure that she doesnt keep repeating the bad things that shes doing. My DH had the idea of using a "visible" warning, since our 1st verbal warnings dont seem to matter to her. The dea is to place an object (have yet to figure out what that is) and tell her "this is your 1st warning..." and place the warning somewhere where she can see it then if she appologizes, etc. then we take it away. If not then she goes to timeout or whatever it is that we think is appropriate for the offense.

Do you think this is a good idea? any suggestions?

 

[brinny]

So my DH and I have a pretty lively strong-willed 4 1/2 year old. Disciple has been sometimes ackward and difficult but general effective. Lately we've had difficulty getting her to understand why shes being disciplined and making sure that she doesnt keep repeating the bad things that shes doing. My DH had the idea of using a "visible" warning, since our 1st verbal warnings dont seem to matter to her. The dea is to place an object (have yet to figure out what that is) and tell her "this is your 1st warning..." and place the warning somewhere where she can see it then if she appologizes, etc. then we take it away. If not then she goes to timeout or whatever it is that we think is appropriate for the offense.

Do you think this is a good idea? any suggestions?

There's a great book on discipline called "Have A New Kid By Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman.

It's excellent, no matter what age the child is. Consistency is everything. He explains and gives examples. He wrote another book called "Making Children Mind without Losing Yours".

Be kind to yourselves. Check the books out.

 

[vespasia]

Visual clues work well with young children. Well done to your DH.

Use a clear jar of similar so she can see what is inside the jar. If you place a line of no more than three objects and explain each time you have to warn her an object goes in the jar ; if all three objects end up in the jar after a certain period of time then a sanction will take place. Make sure the sanction is short and age appropriate as your trying to teach her not scare her. With a child under 6 I would set the times to try and keep the jar empty morning, afternoon and evening. This gives her a chance of success and strong willed children do seem to like to do things well. If she manages a period of time with one or no toys in the jar you can put a sticker on a chart for her to show her daddy when he comes home. That way you can both support her in building better behaviour and she will know both her parents agree on this.

You can also use this same method as a reward for good/desired behaviours. If your child is doing something good- and beleive me its often easy to heave a sigh of relief and not let your child know they have been good when they can be feisty- put an object in the jar. If they manage to earn all the objects in the jar give a reward in the form of something of value such as reading a faveourite story, helping make a cake, going to the playpark or whatever you thnk would help your child. She is your daughter you will know if she can cope with both systems.

At this age if most of the discipline ends up being aimmed at correcting when they have got something wrong a child can end up feeling nothing they do is right. By balancing it with ;letting them know loud and clear what is good over time you pretending to ignore them can become enough to pull them up sharp and help them think about what they are doing.

 

[Robinsegg]

If your daughter is a touchy-feely kinda kid, you might want to try putting something *on* her that she would feel to remember. Something like a scruncii on her wrist, a medallion on a ribbon around her neck or something you tie around her waist.

Rachel