Update

[Alive again]

Greywolf, you know you can count on me to be praying for you. I am thankful that you are still fighting this and learning to take this as a serious attempt. I am thankful that you are reaching out both here on CF adn taking the step to go to church onSunday. Praying that you will find support IRL as well. Know I have keept you in my prayers on and off thourgh out your presence and absences here at the forum. I do care and my heart breaks for the pain yu are in right now. YOu and I both have been to depths many except those here at the forum havve survived. That you are here today really proves what an incredible and strong wwoman you are. Please continue fighting for life and disallow thes dream (nightmares in my book). Please continue to work at finding a way to turn away from this path and turn back towards life. I am so thankful that you turned back to your books! I remember now how much you enjoy them! Thank you for not taking a break from CF! Thank you fo ryour support of me when I have needed it. You indeed make a difference in this world, bfor you have made a difference in my life, and I hope you will be there when I need it again!

 

[GreyWolf]

Hey guys. I was sick all night and slept all day,and now those suicidal feelings are really hitting me. I'm going to try and distract myself by reading, but I keep wanting to just "hurt myself a little" but I know "a little" could lead to "a lot" in a hurry. So I'm really fighting.

Thank you so much Alive Again for your kind message. Please keep those prayers coming as I need them very much.

 

[suzirees1969]

The police officer who came to my house was really nice. He seemed genuinely concerned and kind. He gave me the number of the police station, and said that I could call it to bypass 911 if 911 was too intimidating. He said I could call anytime day or night, and they'd send an ambulence with no sirens or lights to pick me up and bring me to someone I could talk to (I know it will be someone at the hospital and all) and it could be real discreet. He said they do it all the time. So now I have that number, and I will try to find the strength to use it if I have to.

I also talked to my counselor this mornign and she said the people on the forum did the right thing. She said I have to make my own decision as to whether to stay on the forum, but that it would be a shame to throw away a support system.

Truth is, I really need you guys. I feel that if I am alone, handling this on my own with no one to talk to or go to for help, I will not survive. I need your help and support right now. I feel that I do not deserve it. Part of me even feels guilty for accepting it. But I know that I am in a life or death struggle and I need all the help I can get.

I'm thinking of trying to go to church this Sunday. There is a local church that gave me the money to help me pay my electric bill and the pastor and his wife are really nice. Maybe I could go to church with them. I never thought I could go back to church but maybe I will.

I am struggling with a great desire to hurt myself. For many reasons. I woke up again in the middle of the night, tempted, but I managed to get through it and back to sleep. My counselor says I need to realize how serious what I did the other night was, how it was basically a step towards really dying, a trial run. SO I have to make sure I don't do it again.

Please continue to pray for me.

I know we don't know each other, but you have my prayers and my support. I know how it feels to want to end the pain, and even if it does not seem like it, the pain does not last forever. As others here have told you, you are made in God's image. He loves you and cares so much about you. Pour out your heart to Him. Trust in His Son. He will get you through anything, and I know that with Him you will get through this extremely hard time. I really hope you do reach out and start going to church. I pray that you meet some great people there and build strong friendships. Also, read God's word daily. If there is something you don't understand in His word, ask God to show you what it means. If you don't already read the Bible, I suggest starting with the Gospel of John in the New Testament.

Please keep in touch with us to let us know how you are doing.

God bless you and keep you,

Suzi

 

[Thekla]

Just checking in to say hi -- God with you

 

[GreyWolf]

Hello guys,

It's now midnight, and, of course, I'm wide awake, which is the normal state after sleeping all day (sigh) so it will most likely be a long, lonely night. However, I am feeling better.

I keep telling myself that these impulses to self-harm are my illness, not me. Also, I know from experience that if I give in, even a little, it will be much worse, wheras if I ignore them, it will get better in a little while.

(ooo, that's freaky. There is a pack of coyotes howling outside- got to be coyotes, and they sound like they are right in front of the building. You should hear them wailing. Scary)

Anyway, I will definitely keep in touch. Thank you all for being so kind and supportive. You are helping me far more than you'll ever know!

 

[mont974x4]

If you like thrillers, Ted Dekker is a Christian thriller author. I know of at least one of his books that was made into a movie.