Update prayer request

[AirForceTeacher]

Well, things are getting better, sort of. She is opening up a little more and being more affectionate. Last night we fell asleep lwith her laying her head on my chest. Still slow going in the sex department.

Basically, my insecurity makes it feel very unsafe for her. I'm not gonna try to unravel that one, I can't control her feelings. I went into a panic today thinking that the reason she kissed that other man was because he was more attractive, not physically, but emotionally because he was more self-confident.

I talked with a friend who calmed me down and reminded me that what she does, she chooses. I can't control that. (Working on planting that truth deep inside of me - assignment from my counselor.) I want my wife to be attracted to me again, but I can't make her be. I can only put out the invitation, and her decision whether to accept it or not. I can only work on myself. Whether she stays or goes, I need to release this insecurity and find some healthy self-esteem.

So please pray for me to learn a Godly self-confidence, rooted in His love for me. I've got Titus 3:4-5 over my desk now so I can read it all the time, which helps a little.

I have a hard time getting self-esteem and worth from God's love because everyone is loved by God. I can't figure out how that makes me special, where to get self-esteem from that. I certainly like feeling like he likes and loves me, but I'm missing the point somehow.

 

[InTheFlame]

Maybe the point is more - God not only loves you, he created you. He made you unique, with a set of skills and giftings that no-one else possesses.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thanks IntheFlame. I need to concentrate on the individual love of God.

Last night I was feeling really distant from her and very non-emotional. I was wondering if we had any hope (based upon my faults, not hers). On top of that, the nite before I had been very lovey-dovey with her and she had mentioned that I was going overboard - she knew or was pretty sure that it was due to insecurity and I kept going to her for affirmation. So, last nite, I purposely did nothing. I wanted to wait for her to feel safe enough to come to me. I was tense and worried all night, thru dinner.

She had a client come over, so I made sure the kids got their chores done and went to bed. I then went on a walk and prayed. I told myself that how I feel now is no indication of how I'll feel in a year or two years, not to mention two hours, so I'm not making any decisions based upon where I'm at.

I got home from my walk, feeling numbish toward God and her but intent on choosing to do what's right. She grabbed me gave me a big hug and make-out style kisses, thanking me for taking care of everything while her client was here. No more numbness!

So it's very clear that I'm definitely susceptible to mood swings right now. Got to focus on what I'm doing at the time and focus on the long term work of healing with the counselor that God has so graciously provided.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Week is ending good. My wife woke up kind of in an off mood, but we talked about something not marriage related, and the talk was nice, respectiful and stimulating. Our moods lifted very noticably.

We had a counseling appointment this afternoon and it went well. I know that there's gonna be some down times in the future,so I'm just planning on enjoying this while it's here

 

[AirForceTeacher]

It was a very nice weekend, but disturbing thoughts and doubt kept intruding. This morning, I'm really feeling down, but trying to just have faith that things can be better - this weekend was proof!

Please keep praying for us.

 

[Sugarjay]

It was a very nice weekend, but disturbing thoughts and doubt kept intruding. This morning, I'm really feeling down, but trying to just have faith that things can be better - this weekend was proof!

Please keep praying for us.

I am praying for you AFT, I hope you are doing well.

Trust in God our Fater

Gos Bless

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thanks - I'm just freaking out right now, but there's no reason - she has made it clear to me that she wants me as her friend, her lover and the father of her children. I should just relax and keep trying to do the right thing every day.

 

[Adventure]

Feelings follow right action. Keep doing the next right thing and you can't go wrong.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thanks Adventure - I'm trying. This morning I just feel bleaah and very insecure, but I've got a counseling appointment today, so hopefully I can leve there a little energized.

 

[Adventure]

...I've got a counseling appointment today, so hopefully I can leave there a little energized.

Hey! I've got one, too!