Thank you all SO much. What a total blessing it is to have you all. Your posts really helped to bring me out of this depressive state. I realize I do have a problem. I am addictive, and when reading my past post I realized that when I wrote "sometimes I take more than perscribed, sometimes I take less"...well that is a lie. I almost always take more, problally double what is perscribed and I find myself wanting to take more and more. I wake up in the morning and feel HORRIBLE, going all night without hydro, my body is screaming and when I take some (almost first thing in the moring now) I feel only "normal". I hate myself for doing this and I just feel like I can not but my family through this ordeal again. I had finally gotten off the pain killers and I been off for a month and I just felt like the depression was outrageous and I prayed constantally but I felt like I was drowding and the only time I could come up for air was when I took a pill. I feel trapped and I am SO scared of withdrawl, not so much the physical part, but the depressing. It is incredibal and it actually CHANGES me. It makes me into a horrbile mother, wife, and Christain. I have never felt so alone. But I know I am not. I know God loves me. I know he cares and I know all that because of you guys who have posted back to me and reminded me of his great love even when I do things that he does not want me to do.
So my plan is to try to wean down off the pain killers and use a little less each day. I am praying for streangth and for forgiveness. My question now is if you guys think I would go to hell or if the rapture were to happen would I not go up to heaven with all the other Christians. I am living in constant fear of being held down in sin, left behind, or dying in sin. Any thoughts on this would be SO greatly appriated.
I Love God so much, He is the reason I am even still alive and I am trying to make all this right with his help. Thank you all for your help, you can not imagine what it means to me.
So my plan is to try to wean down off the pain killers and use a little less each day. I am praying for streangth and for forgiveness. My question now is if you guys think I would go to hell or if the rapture were to happen would I not go up to heaven with all the other Christians. I am living in constant fear of being held down in sin, left behind, or dying in sin. Any thoughts on this would be SO greatly appriated.
I Love God so much, He is the reason I am even still alive and I am trying to make all this right with his help. Thank you all for your help, you can not imagine what it means to me.
