I am a Christian who fell into a sinful lifestyle for about 6 months. During that time, I had casual sex with two men . I now have abandoned that lifestyle, yet I still struggle. I know I am forgiven, yet I often feel unworthy to someday marry. It's almost as if I feel that since I have sinned in this way, I now live with the consequence that I will always be single. I do realize that I can be content with my singleness - that is not in question. It's more the issue of feeling very unworthy of attention from males, even in a purely friendly way. Any thoughts?
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Unworthiness and Guilt
- Thread starter springnjoy
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KeilCoppes
Guest
You might consider how Rahab, Judah, and David felt, all of whom were in the line of Christ. The other question is if there are limits on God's ability to purify someone and restore them. There are none - total restoration is there, and that is the greatest of comforts. God can not only forgive, He can heal the wounds we have inflicted on ourselves by our sins, so we can be whole of heart again in His service (in all aspects, including christian marriage). The question is if you can let the guilt of the past go into the past and live in the future, clean in God's forgiveness, purified by Christ's work - and that takes work and letting God be the judge, not only of your sin, but also of your redemption and restoration. He didn't only die for our sins before we were Christians, He died for all of our sins. And he restores our souls. :^)springnjoy said:
This is not a chiding - this is an encouragement! There are no limits - our all-powerful God redeems all the way, even from the greatest of sins! Our great Healer can heal all wounds!
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Who do you think wants you to feel that way, heaven or hell?springnjoy said:
Thinking you are unworthy is a terrible feeling when comparing yourself to other people, in this case, males. We are all unworthly and fallen. Obession with guilt can often lead people to a more difficult relationship with God.
Are you not worthy of salvation? Are you not worthy enough to be considered a child of God through Christ? How can you be worthy of such a gift and not worthy of a wonderful christian husband someday?
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*hugs* Springnjoy, you and I could have been typing that same story. I also fell away from Christ for about 6 months. I had casual sex with several men, most on the first date and some I can't even remember their names. I struggled with the feeling like I was damaged goods. I felt that no decent Christian man would want to be with me after knowing even a small amount about my sordid past. Then I read Joshua Harris' When Boy Meets Girl and read the moving story about Shannon Harris telling Josh (when they were courting) that she lost her virginity at the age of 14 and had given her body to men wrecklessly all througout high school and college. As hard as it was for him to hear this part of her life he realized he loved her and knew that God held her past. He forgave her and God has blessed their marriage immensely.
You have asked God to forgive you. He has forgiven you, He holds your past. When you feel guilty and ashamed God is hurting over that because He has already wiped the slate clean for you. We're human, so it's only natural we tend to hang on to those feelings of regret, but realize that it is one of satan's tricks. Just know that God loves you and that your sins have been forgiven. You seem to be back on the right track an someday when God puts "the one" in your life, he will love you regardless of what happened in your past. God bless you.
You have asked God to forgive you. He has forgiven you, He holds your past. When you feel guilty and ashamed God is hurting over that because He has already wiped the slate clean for you. We're human, so it's only natural we tend to hang on to those feelings of regret, but realize that it is one of satan's tricks. Just know that God loves you and that your sins have been forgiven. You seem to be back on the right track an someday when God puts "the one" in your life, he will love you regardless of what happened in your past. God bless you.
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Luke 7:36-43:
36 Then one of the Pharisees asked Him to eat with him. And He went to the Pharisee's house, and sat down to eat. 37 And behold, a woman in the city who was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at the table in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster flask of fragrant oil, 38 and stood at His feet behind Him weeping; and she began to wash His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head; and she kissed His feet and anointed them with the fragrant oil. 39 Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he spoke to himself, saying, "This Man, if He were a prophet, would know who and what manner of woman this is who is touching Him, for she is a sinner."
40 And Jesus answered and said to him, "Simon, I have something to say to you."
So he said, "Teacher, say it."
41 "There was a certain creditor who had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 And when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely forgave them both. Tell Me, therefore, which of them will love him more?"
43 Simon answered and said, "I suppose the one whom he forgave more."
And He said to him, "You have rightly judged."
36 Then one of the Pharisees asked Him to eat with him. And He went to the Pharisee's house, and sat down to eat. 37 And behold, a woman in the city who was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at the table in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster flask of fragrant oil, 38 and stood at His feet behind Him weeping; and she began to wash His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head; and she kissed His feet and anointed them with the fragrant oil. 39 Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he spoke to himself, saying, "This Man, if He were a prophet, would know who and what manner of woman this is who is touching Him, for she is a sinner."
40 And Jesus answered and said to him, "Simon, I have something to say to you."
So he said, "Teacher, say it."
41 "There was a certain creditor who had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 And when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely forgave them both. Tell Me, therefore, which of them will love him more?"
43 Simon answered and said, "I suppose the one whom he forgave more."
And He said to him, "You have rightly judged."
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I've cared deeply for a couple women in my life who have had very troubled pasts. I have a troubled past myslef. Everyone does to a certain extent. Everyone needs to view people for who they are not who they were. Guilt is not from God, love and forgivness are. Hold onto your promises given to you by God and rejoice in your forgiveness. Also keep in mind that the husband is to love the wife as Christ loved the church. Christ forgave women who had done things a lot worse than what you have done i'm sure. You are clean and pure in God's eyes, no one should think any diffrent of you.
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72_Chev_Truck
Cookie Monster
Wow Springnjoy I was thinking the same thing all day today, the part about not being worthy of a womans love. i went to the jazz club with a friend hoping that it would clear up but naw, still feel the same. Just sayin I know what your going through. Give it time, it will pass. God heals all our wounds.
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William Nunn
Babies enjoy living too!
We all have pasts to get over wether they are sexual or not. So don't think there is anyway you are not worthy of a loving christian husband, because if so, he's just as unworthy of having you because he is also a sinner.
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Apollonian
Anachronistic Philosopher
I think that our culture, so saturated with "image", can be extremely harsh in this regard. It is easy in our culture to feel unworthy when the reality is that most other people feel the same way, and so there is no need to feel that way. However, that still doesn't answer the question about what to do about it.
Personally, I have found the film The Last Samurai to be a wonderful idea about this process of recovery and renewal. (It is rated-R for violence, though only because it is about war and it is tastefully done I think) The story is about an American Cavalry captain who was ordered to slaughter innocent native american women and children. With that horrible act weighing on his conscience he fell to drinking. Long story short, he eventually meets the Lord of a clan of Samurai who rehabilitates him and slowly teaches him how to find discipline, strength, and ultimately joy in life again.
Now, the film is in an eastern context, but I think that it functions more as an allegory or message relevant to the American context today. The core of the movie is about virtue and discipline. The ultimate point we add is that God forgives, but often we still don't forgive ourselves. The battle to forgive ourselves is something that God cannot help with; He will not force our hand. But, he can guide us to gain the strength to do so. I'd suggest putting your energy into a discipline like an art, sport, martial art, or intense service position. If you can become good at it, you may be able to gain the inner-strength you need to overcome your self-doubt and unworthiness.
Through all this, it is good to remember that there is nothing we can do to make God love us any less. With people, I think that it is much more a function of present actions and worth than past troubles. Most people understand that people can change. So if you can find strength for yourself, people will see that. The beauty is, though, that for many new acquaintances that you will make they won't see your past mistakes until after they see your present worth. At least, that's the way that I look at other people.
I wish you the best. Godbless and Godspeed in tribulation.
-Apollonian
20/M INTJ
Personally, I have found the film The Last Samurai to be a wonderful idea about this process of recovery and renewal. (It is rated-R for violence, though only because it is about war and it is tastefully done I think) The story is about an American Cavalry captain who was ordered to slaughter innocent native american women and children. With that horrible act weighing on his conscience he fell to drinking. Long story short, he eventually meets the Lord of a clan of Samurai who rehabilitates him and slowly teaches him how to find discipline, strength, and ultimately joy in life again.
Now, the film is in an eastern context, but I think that it functions more as an allegory or message relevant to the American context today. The core of the movie is about virtue and discipline. The ultimate point we add is that God forgives, but often we still don't forgive ourselves. The battle to forgive ourselves is something that God cannot help with; He will not force our hand. But, he can guide us to gain the strength to do so. I'd suggest putting your energy into a discipline like an art, sport, martial art, or intense service position. If you can become good at it, you may be able to gain the inner-strength you need to overcome your self-doubt and unworthiness.
Through all this, it is good to remember that there is nothing we can do to make God love us any less. With people, I think that it is much more a function of present actions and worth than past troubles. Most people understand that people can change. So if you can find strength for yourself, people will see that. The beauty is, though, that for many new acquaintances that you will make they won't see your past mistakes until after they see your present worth. At least, that's the way that I look at other people.
I wish you the best. Godbless and Godspeed in tribulation.
-Apollonian
20/M INTJ
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Stanfi
Senior Veteran
springjoy,springnjoy said:
If you have asked, God has forgiven. Remember what Jesus told the woman who was caught in adultery. "Neither do I condem you. Go and sin no more." The guilt you feel of the past, is Satan messing with you. He wants to keep you down. Stand on the truth that you have been washed in the blood of the lamb, and Jesus loves you and will take care of you. When the timing is right. God will bring a man into you life, who understands you and loves you for just who you are. You just have to keep looking up and trust in Him
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