unwanted pregnancy

[duckydingo]

I am a young christian girl who seeks advice from wise internet-folk.
I lost my virginity against my will and my mother wants my to kill my unborn child.
I am a person of the christian faith and I know god wanted me to keep my baby. but If I have the baby my mother will disown me.
I fear I must sin now and abort this baby to become a good mother someday (when im ready to have children).
any advice would be helpfull

 

[MarkSB]

I am a young christian girl who seeks advice from wise internet-folk.
I lost my virginity against my will and my mother wants my to kill my unborn child.
I am a person of the christian faith and I know god wanted me to keep my baby. but If I have the baby my mother will disown me.
I fear I must sin now and abort this baby to become a good mother someday (when im ready to have children).
any advice would be helpfull

My advice, do as God wills. It's not right for a parent to put such pressure on their child to perform such an act.

There are other options as well, such as adoption. If you feel you won't be able to care for the child, than you can always give it to someone who will.

 

[duckydingo]

bump

 

[IronManMatt]

This is the only type of situation where you are allowed to go against your parents while you’re still a child. That is you are no longer obligated, in fact you have a duty to disobey your parents when they ask you to go against a clear command of God (Acts 5:29 " We must obey God rather than men.")

If are not able to raise your child properly for what ever reason I know that there are many married couples who would love to adopt your child.

 

[Northwoods Snowman]

I'd look at it this way...if you have the baby, how would that make you any less of a mother later in life? If your mom disowns you for it, she'll get over it eventually, and besides what kind of a mother is she being if she says she'll disown you if you have the baby? If she wants to be a good mother she should love you and support you and help you do the right thing. If you abort the baby, you'll probably regret it for the rest of your life. If you feel bad about it now, it will haunt you for the rest of your life if you abort the baby. As it has been said, you can always put the baby up for adoption.

Your mother is not being a very Godly person, but I think you can do better. My advise is to have the baby and trust God to take care of the two of you.

 

[ghs1994]

I am a young christian girl who seeks advice from wise internet-folk.
I lost my virginity against my will and my mother wants my to kill my unborn child.
I am a person of the christian faith and I know god wanted me to keep my baby. but If I have the baby my mother will disown me.
I fear I must sin now and abort this baby to become a good mother someday (when im ready to have children).
any advice would be helpfull

I believe your mother is asking you to sin. There are other alternatives to abortion. You can still have the baby and give him or her a good home to parents that have been waiting for a baby to raise. Don't let this happen. Get help from a local church that can talk with you and your mom. It doesn't have to end in abortion. I beg you as a Christian father w/a daughter we waited eight years to have, go w/ the adoption plan if you are not ready to be a parent. The next step would be to keep yourself pure until you are married.

Remember something for me if you would: God doesn't set rules in opposition to spoil our fun, it for our protection against situations like this. Honor God w/ your life the way He wants you to and these types of situations won't happen.

 

[Aibrean]

I would do adoption. In some cases the adoptive parents will help pay for your healthcare if you start at it right now. You can also do a closed or open adoption. In an open adoption, you are a part of the child's life but you don't need to provide any kind of care. Closed adoption is where you have no contact at all.

Remember, in the end it's your choice, not your mothers. Sometimes things are worth fighting for. I believe that life is one of these things. If you are under 18 by law she can't "disown" you.

Abortion is a more dangerous and traumatic experience than having a baby.

 

[lux et lex]

Abortion is a more dangerous and traumatic experience than having a baby.

False. The risk of death associated with abortion increases with the length of pregnancy, from one death for every one million vacuum aspiration abortions at eight or fewer weeks to 8.9 deaths after 20 weeks’ gestation. In 2003, the maternal mortality rate in the U.S. was 12.1 deaths per 100,000 live births — a significant difference in maternal mortality rates between terminating a pregnancy by abortion after 20 weeks’ gestation and carrying it to term. The risk of death from medication abortion through 63 days’ gestation is about one per 100,000 procedures. In comparison, the risk of death from miscarriage is about one per 100,000. And the risk of death associated with childbirth is about 10 times as high as that associated with all abortion.

Facts from: Christiansen, L.R. & K.A. Collins. (2006). "Pregnancy-Associated Deaths: A 15-Year Retrospective Study and Overall Review of Maternal Pathophysiology." American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology, 27, 11–9.

 

[Aibrean]

Well then can you not agree on it being more traumatic?

For the record, abortion related death is a result of the pregnancy, and pregnancy related death does not have to be a result of the abortion

 

[lux et lex]

Well then can you not agree on it being more traumatic?

For the record, abortion related death is a result of the pregnancy, and pregnancy related death does not have to be a result of the abortion

I know many women who have had abortions. I volunteer with women directly after they have had an abortion. The most common feeling or description of the abortion may it be an hour after or 5 years after? Relief. I don't doubt there are some who find it traumatic, but there are some people that find every sort of medical procedure traumatic.

As for your second sentence, it doesn't make sense at all. Perhaps if you reword it, I can respond to it.

 

[Fantine]

Are there pregnancy help centers in your town? They can help support you in your decision to keep your baby.

They should help you find rape counseling (since you lost your virginity against your will) and family counseling, to see if the differences between you and your mother can be resolved.

They will be connected to other resources which can help you, even to the point of finding a safe place for you to live until your mother comes around (as she most certainly will.)

Prayers for you and your baby.

 

[Xylofone]

Abortion is a more dangerous and traumatic experience than having a baby.

Actually the risk of dying in childbirth and dying as a result of an abortion are about the same.

 

[MarkSB]

Actually the risk of dying in childbirth and dying as a result of an abortion are about the same.

Dangerous and traumatic describes more than just immediate physical risk.

 

[ghs1994]

False. The risk of death associated with abortion increases with the length of pregnancy, from one death for every one million vacuum aspiration abortions at eight or fewer weeks to 8.9 deaths after 20 weeks’ gestation. In 2003, the maternal mortality rate in the U.S. was 12.1 deaths per 100,000 live births — a significant difference in maternal mortality rates between terminating a pregnancy by abortion after 20 weeks’ gestation and carrying it to term. The risk of death from medication abortion through 63 days’ gestation is about one per 100,000 procedures. In comparison, the risk of death from miscarriage is about one per 100,000. And the risk of death associated with childbirth is about 10 times as high as that associated with all abortion.

Facts from: Christiansen, L.R. & K.A. Collins. (2006). "Pregnancy-Associated Deaths: A 15-Year Retrospective Study and Overall Review of Maternal Pathophysiology." American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology, 27, 11–9.

Doesn't matter if it's more traumatic or not, it's murder and it's not God's way.

 

[lux et lex]

Doesn't matter if it's more traumatic or not, it's murder and it's not God's way.

According to you, not according to everyone.

 

[Xylofone]

Dangerous and traumatic describes more than just immediate physical risk.

Being raped and carrying your rapist's baby would be even more traumatic then an abortion, I'd imagine.

 

[St_Worm2]

Being raped and carrying your rapist's baby would be even more traumatic then an abortion, I'd imagine.

Perhaps to some, but not according to DuckyDingo anyway (who writes in the OP):

"I lost my virginity against my will and my mother wants my to kill my unborn child. I am a person of the christian faith and I know god wanted me to keep my baby"
​

I would think that a lifetime of anguish and guilt over disobeying God by causing the death of your own child might be slightly more traumatic than carrying your child to term, wouldn't you? Raped or not, he/she is still your baby!!

I believe that God grants forgiveness to any who ask Him for it (1 John 1:9), for abortion or any other sin we commit, and that He expects us (because we are truly forgiven) to move on with our lives. But I also believe that this would have to be one of the hardest things to live with, forgiven or not.

I'm with Aibrean, if you feel you can't be a good mother to your baby at this point in your life, don't choose abortion, carry your baby to term and put him/her up for adoption with a loving couple who wants and is able to properly care for your baby. Adoption (at least the logistics of it) is easy for the birth mom since there are so many people, agencies and other organizations willing to help with all aspects of your pregnancy and birth, and the fact that there are so very many more couples out there who are looking for babies to adopt than there are babies for them to adopt!

Having an unwanted pregnancy and carrying your baby to term may be a very difficult thing to do for many, but it's truly not impossible! It is, in fact, done successfully by many every single day. And with adoption, at the very least you'll know you've done something WONDERFUL for others, the adoptive family and (of course) your own baby, who's life you chose to save

Yours and His,
David
p.s. - Xylofone, I didn't mean for the above to sound as if I was talking to you and that you were the pregnant mom, it just sort of ended up coming out that way Also, your user name, if you don't mind me asking, how/why did you choose it? Do you play the xylophone?

 

[Fantine]

I have known other young women in this situation, and I have never known parents who have continued to reject their daughter once the grandchild is born. They are usually as pleased as punch, showing their grandbaby off all over the place, and pitching in to help wherever it's needed.

And luckily, there are lots of organizations out there to help young women who are pregnant in the meantime. Why don't you visit one and talk to someone who will be able to help you in a much more concrete, hands-on way than I can, and who may be able to help your mom understand, too?

 

[Xylofone]

p.s. - Xylofone, I didn't mean for the above to sound as if I was talking to you and that you were the pregnant mom, it just sort of ended up coming out that way Also, your user name, if you don't mind me asking, how/why did you choose it? Do you play the xylophone?

No, I don't play the Xylophone. I just thought up the most random word I could think of when I made my account

 

[bliz]

A crisis pregnency center can help you with this. If your parents disown you, they can arrange safe and loving places for you to stay and and help when you have your baby. There are many Christian organizations that arrange adoptions through which you can choose your baby's adoptive parents.

If you care to PM me I can help you start looking.