Unsure if i love my bf?

[magicbean3]

Feel free to read my other posts.
I care for him and i like sitting next to him, but i just feel the need to pull away from kissing him.

On another post, some lovely person (thanks but i can't remember your name)
mentioned, that why should i be with someone that i don't want to spend my life with?

My bf, under appreciates me and i would marry him, but when i really think about it, i wish i had found someone that treats me a little better.
Of corse, being with him if i do not love him is wrong, but i am worried incase...

1) He is the one.
2) It's very close to christmas to break up
3) He will resent me, and i would feel terrible.

Are there any definite ways of understanding your feelings for someone?

I feel like such a bad person.

 

[The Nihilist]

Feel free to read my other posts.
I care for him and i like sitting next to him, but i just feel the need to pull away from kissing him.
On another post, some lovely person (thanks but i can't remember your name)
mentioned, that why should i be with someone that i don't want to spend my life with?
My bf, under appreciates me and i would marry him, but when i really think about it, i wish i had found someone that treats me a little better.
Of corse, being with him if i do not love him is wrong, but i am worried incase...
1) He is the one.
2) It's very close to christmas to break up
3) He will resent me, and i would feel terrible.
Are there any definite ways of understanding your feelings for someone?
I feel like such a bad person.

You're not a bad person for wanting to switch out. Most people aren't going to be right for you, and it sounds like this guy is one of those. Also, I don't know if you know, but the bible never makes any mention of there being someone who's "the one." That concept is 100% human.
But seriously, break up with him. I'd wait until after Christmas, because no one wants to be alone during the holidays, but that he treats you poorly means it's not going to work out.

 

[Luther073082]

Get rid of the one talk. . . there is no one. I'm sorry the one sounds all romantic until you get into reality.

What if you miss your one or screw things up with them? What if your one dies?

There is no "The one" There are people that you can choose to love and that will choose to love you in a monogamous relationship. And there are multiple people that will fit the bill.

Now forgive me if as I havn't read your other posts but in what way does your boyfriend mistreat you?

Even if he wansn't mistreating you I would break up with him.

But I would say that it might be good to wait until after Christmas.

 

[iambren]

Don't you DARE marry someone that you don't love!! Very selfish thing to do.

1) He is the one. Tisk, the "one" myth. Who knows who's the one?

2) It's very close to christmas to break up. Ok, how about New Years.

3) He will resent me, and i would feel terrible. That's HIS problem/choice.

Sounds like you are suffering from pseudo-guilt. You are not joined to this man.

 

[Verve]

I agree with the above posters.

There is no magical "one" out there. There is compatibility, love and hard work.

I can understand the so close to Christmas thing...not going to post my reasons in here but I'll PM you if you want. It's just a bad idea sometimes.

As for #3. Yeah people resent their exes until they can come to a place where they can forgive them. It's natural to not enjoy being rejected.

Honestly though, isn't it more cruel to leave the man hanging on thinking that things are ok when it obviously isn't?

 

[elenore]

unhealthy relationships can ruin your life. you don't owe this guy anything. and if you keep letting him invade your boundries you could end up with him for life, unless he finds someone better (hopefully not after you marry him.)

 

[magicbean3]

I really do not want to come across a bad person but to be truely honest, i have fallen out with him because of the way he treats me.
He doesn't like me going out with my own friends, so to keep him happy i haven't but since starting university i want to spend some time with the people i have met.

He does not like me wearing high heels, dresses and skirts. Even through i only wear these to go out smart someone like job interview or a formal night out.

He refuses to come round to my house if certain members of my family are round.
I play alot of acoustic gigs, and he refuses to come watch because he hates the music.
He is terrible with money, i want to help him out so i never have any savings.

He makes nasty comments about me infront of his mates.
There are more reasons, but i just choose to forget them.

 

[Melethiel]

BIG red flag. Abusive relationships often start out with control issues like that.

Get out and don't look back.

 

[muffinsofchaos]

After reading this I would suggest that you get out.
His behavior is a big red flag for abusive behavior.

 

[explodingboy]

I really do not want to come across a bad person but to be truely honest, i have fallen out with him because of the way he treats me.
He doesn't like me going out with my own friends, so to keep him happy i haven't but since starting university i want to spend some time with the people i have met.

He does not like me wearing high heels, dresses and skirts. Even through i only wear these to go out smart someone like job interview or a formal night out.

He refuses to come round to my house if certain members of my family are round.
I play alot of acoustic gigs, and he refuses to come watch because he hates the music.
He is terrible with money, i want to help him out so i never have any savings.

He makes nasty comments about me infront of his mates.
There are more reasons, but i just choose to forget them.

Your still dating this man why?

also minor point in regards to your original post point 2.

For some reason oddly enough before Christmas is actually one of the well documented break up times in every relevant relationship column I've ever read.

 

[The Nihilist]

I really do not want to come across a bad person but to be truely honest, i have fallen out with him because of the way he treats me.
He doesn't like me going out with my own friends, so to keep him happy i haven't but since starting university i want to spend some time with the people i have met.

He does not like me wearing high heels, dresses and skirts. Even through i only wear these to go out smart someone like job interview or a formal night out.

He refuses to come round to my house if certain members of my family are round.
I play alot of acoustic gigs, and he refuses to come watch because he hates the music.
He is terrible with money, i want to help him out so i never have any savings.

He makes nasty comments about me infront of his mates.
There are more reasons, but i just choose to forget them.

Your boyfriend is a douchebag. Lose him. What are you waiting for?

 

[anewday]

Yeah, it sucks since its the holidays, but I would rather let him know how I feel now than lead him on. Besides, after Christmas is New Years, then Valentine's Day...then...

 

[iambren]

"He doesn't like me going out with my own friends, so to keep him happy i haven't but since starting university i want to spend some time with the people i have met.

He does not like me wearing high heels, dresses and skirts. Even through i only wear these to go out smart someone like job interview or a formal night out.

He refuses to come round to my house if certain members of my family are round.
I play alot of acoustic gigs, and he refuses to come watch because he hates the music.
He is terrible with money, i want to help him out so i never have any savings.

He makes nasty comments about me infront of his mates.
There are more reasons, but i just choose to forget them."

Why do you even care?? Move on.

 

[Elliewaves]

Your boyfriend is a douchebag. Lose him. What are you waiting for?

yep , this!

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Originaly I was going to say sometimes as time goes on, the love seems to go away, thats normal. You have to keep working on it.

But after reading theres to many red flags. No couple is ever going to agree on everything. Its normal. But I get the feeling he doens't care enough about you. You deserve better. And remember, women have more fragile hearts so they fall harder sometimes, even if they see signs that the man isn't good. Look at how many abused women stay in a relationship because "He doens't mean to punch me, its ok though I love him!". Confusing right?

For your own good move on to someone that God truly has for you! It may not be right away, heck I am 30 and finally found the one. But its worth it when you do find that person. You will love each other more and more with each passing day and you won't find much to argue about. As I tell my fiance, shes my perfect match! God molded her for me perfectly (and vica versa).

Break up with him anytime. Remember, hes the one not loving you enough. To some degree it doesn't matter how he feels. He should ahve thought about that before hurting a young womans heart.

I know from experience even though I am a guy. I am a gentle teddy bear and at first would let women hurt me. I'd make excuses for them. After the third woman hurt me yet again I realized never date someone if you see they have control issues. Those issues lead to abuse and abuse leads to things like death (or a dead baby if your pregnant and he hits you).

 

[BackwardsJustice]

Feel free to read my other posts.
I care for him and i like sitting next to him, but i just feel the need to pull away from kissing him.

On another post, some lovely person (thanks but i can't remember your name)
mentioned, that why should i be with someone that i don't want to spend my life with?

My bf, under appreciates me and i would marry him, but when i really think about it, i wish i had found someone that treats me a little better.
Of corse, being with him if i do not love him is wrong, but i am worried incase...

1) He is the one.
2) It's very close to christmas to break up
3) He will resent me, and i would feel terrible.

Are there any definite ways of understanding your feelings for someone?

I feel like such a bad person.

By even questioning it is showing your true feelings. You do not need to feel guilty for wanting to be treated better. Breaking up is never easy and will cause hurt feelings both ways, but it also prevents a bad marriage or worse relationship.

You know you deserve better treatment, and don't put up with less. He is not the one if you are in question of this already. Good luck!

 

[Luther073082]

I really do not want to come across a bad person but to be truely honest, i have fallen out with him because of the way he treats me.
He doesn't like me going out with my own friends, so to keep him happy i haven't but since starting university i want to spend some time with the people i have met.

He does not like me wearing high heels, dresses and skirts. Even through i only wear these to go out smart someone like job interview or a formal night out.

As other people have pointed out this is a big red flag for abuse. This is what is known as controlling behavior. . . telling people they can't spend time with friends, trying to control what they wear etc. This will only get worse, you need to get out now.

He refuses to come round to my house if certain members of my family are round.

Have these family members done anything major like killing someone that he might want to avoid them? Listen I'd probably avoid my in-laws if I knew they had a history of murdering people, mostly because I don't want to be their next victim. But other then that I don't see any reason for this. This is another red flag for abusive behavior, disrespect of your family.

I play alot of acoustic gigs, and he refuses to come watch because he hates the music.

This isn't necessarily indicative of abusive behavior (by itself) however it does give an indication that he doesn't much care about you.

He is terrible with money, i want to help him out so i never have any savings.

You shouldn't be helping him out. This show's he's irresponsible.

He makes nasty comments about me infront of his mates.
There are more reasons, but i just choose to forget them.

He doesn't respect you otherwise he wouldn't do that.

While forgiving someone for a specific incident is something good and to be admired, at the same time you can't just ignore it when you are being mistreated or abused.

So in other words you have a irresponsible, disrespectful, controlling boyfriend that if he isn't abusive now, he's going to be. . . So why is it you are in this relationship still?

Get out now. . . the longer you wait the more dangerious this situation becomes.