My late husband had cancer. The doctors gave him 3-10 years to live. My husband wasn't brought up in church or anything, so he really didn't know about Christ. I myself fell away after the new pastor told my mom she wasn't good enough to come into HIS church.
Anyhow. One day after my husbands surgery he asked me how he could get into Heaven. Instead of answering him I told him we would go to church that coming up Sunday and I would have the preacher talk to him about it. That Friday I was taking him back to work (he couldn't drive yet due to his surgery) when a car ran the median and hit us head on. Yes, my husband was killed.
For years I struggled with the fact that I killed him. Not only did I kill his earthly life (in my head I should have done something differently), but I also killed his heavenly life. I didn't tell him about Jesus when he asked. Therefore not only would our baby daughter have to grow up without a father, but she won't even get to see him in Heaven. I absolutely hated myself for a good 15 years after the accident.
One day around Christmas our church was having their yearly bonfire. My daughter and her boyfriend wanted me to go with them, but I was feeling very sad, and declined. It was a nice cold, wintery day, and before they left my daughter wanted to build me a fire in the fireplace. We worked and worked but couldn't get that fire going. I finally told them to go ahead and leave, and I would work on the fire.
Once they had left I allowed myself to cry. I cried and I cried and I cried. I screamed out to God "WHY? Why in the world did you take my love away from me? And if it was his destiny, why couldn't you have waited another three days until AFTER I took him to church? Why will you not bring him back to me when that's all I want in life?" There was one "why" after another with me sobbing so hard that I could barely breath.
When all of a sudden it was I who was hearing the why. "Why have you never asked?" it said. At first I thought that I must be crazy. I ask everyday. Not a day goes by since that accident that I don't ask God to bring him back. But that wasn't what he was saying. "Why have you never asked if your husband is in Heaven?" That's what he was saying! So, I immediately asked. "God, if ________ is in Heaven with you please light this fire and keep it going until my daughter gets home. But if he is not keep it unlit, and that will be my answer.
Well, after that little conversation with God I went right to work on that fire. I worked and worked and worked on it. I put in paper, poured liter fluid into it. I tried everything, but yet it would just fizzle out after a minute or so. So, there was my answer, right? After about 30-45 minutes of trying, I finally hung my head and accepted what I had already known to be the truth. My husbands life, both earthly and spiritually was dead. And it was my fault.
I knew it was about time for my daughter to come back, and I didn't want her to catch me crying in the living room, so I went into the bathroom. There I sat on the floor and cried my heart out. When I heard a noise I thought it must be my daughter so I stood up, washed my face, and dried my eyes. When I opened up the bathroom door I heard this crackling noise. When I looked up I saw a big beautiful bright light coming from the living room. It was my fire! As soon as I got in front of it, I heard these words "My dear child, you asked me a question, and you asked me to light this fire for you in response, but yet instead of allowing me to light the fire, you took over. Once I knew that you were completely through and had given it over to me, I lit it for you. In this fire is your answer dear child. Remember that I love you. I have always loved you, and I will never betray you. Know also that your beloved is waiting for you."
God lit that fire people. It's the honest truth! When I went into the bathroom it was like someone had poured water over it. There wasn't not even one flicker of a flame.
And that's what God wants to do with you. He wants to light your fire. He wants for you to totally give your life over to him, so that he can allow that light to shine. Will you allow him? Will you allow Jesus to be your guiding light? Will you accept him today. God is waiting. He is patiently waiting for you.
Anyhow. One day after my husbands surgery he asked me how he could get into Heaven. Instead of answering him I told him we would go to church that coming up Sunday and I would have the preacher talk to him about it. That Friday I was taking him back to work (he couldn't drive yet due to his surgery) when a car ran the median and hit us head on. Yes, my husband was killed.
For years I struggled with the fact that I killed him. Not only did I kill his earthly life (in my head I should have done something differently), but I also killed his heavenly life. I didn't tell him about Jesus when he asked. Therefore not only would our baby daughter have to grow up without a father, but she won't even get to see him in Heaven. I absolutely hated myself for a good 15 years after the accident.
One day around Christmas our church was having their yearly bonfire. My daughter and her boyfriend wanted me to go with them, but I was feeling very sad, and declined. It was a nice cold, wintery day, and before they left my daughter wanted to build me a fire in the fireplace. We worked and worked but couldn't get that fire going. I finally told them to go ahead and leave, and I would work on the fire.
Once they had left I allowed myself to cry. I cried and I cried and I cried. I screamed out to God "WHY? Why in the world did you take my love away from me? And if it was his destiny, why couldn't you have waited another three days until AFTER I took him to church? Why will you not bring him back to me when that's all I want in life?" There was one "why" after another with me sobbing so hard that I could barely breath.
When all of a sudden it was I who was hearing the why. "Why have you never asked?" it said. At first I thought that I must be crazy. I ask everyday. Not a day goes by since that accident that I don't ask God to bring him back. But that wasn't what he was saying. "Why have you never asked if your husband is in Heaven?" That's what he was saying! So, I immediately asked. "God, if ________ is in Heaven with you please light this fire and keep it going until my daughter gets home. But if he is not keep it unlit, and that will be my answer.
Well, after that little conversation with God I went right to work on that fire. I worked and worked and worked on it. I put in paper, poured liter fluid into it. I tried everything, but yet it would just fizzle out after a minute or so. So, there was my answer, right? After about 30-45 minutes of trying, I finally hung my head and accepted what I had already known to be the truth. My husbands life, both earthly and spiritually was dead. And it was my fault.
I knew it was about time for my daughter to come back, and I didn't want her to catch me crying in the living room, so I went into the bathroom. There I sat on the floor and cried my heart out. When I heard a noise I thought it must be my daughter so I stood up, washed my face, and dried my eyes. When I opened up the bathroom door I heard this crackling noise. When I looked up I saw a big beautiful bright light coming from the living room. It was my fire! As soon as I got in front of it, I heard these words "My dear child, you asked me a question, and you asked me to light this fire for you in response, but yet instead of allowing me to light the fire, you took over. Once I knew that you were completely through and had given it over to me, I lit it for you. In this fire is your answer dear child. Remember that I love you. I have always loved you, and I will never betray you. Know also that your beloved is waiting for you."
God lit that fire people. It's the honest truth! When I went into the bathroom it was like someone had poured water over it. There wasn't not even one flicker of a flame.
And that's what God wants to do with you. He wants to light your fire. He wants for you to totally give your life over to him, so that he can allow that light to shine. Will you allow him? Will you allow Jesus to be your guiding light? Will you accept him today. God is waiting. He is patiently waiting for you.
