Ungodly prayer request

[GinnaBee]

Hello! I am a newbie here! I look forward to being a part of CF! I have recently encountered an issue in my family that disturbs me and makes me uncomfortable and confused as to what it all means. I found this forum and decided this is exactly what I was looking for. I need as much advice as possible and all answers are welcome.

I am very close to a relative of mine, we are as close as sisters would be. She has for the past couple of years, wanted to have another baby with her new husband. She has 3 children from a previous marriage; a 26 yr. old son, an 18 yr. old daughter, and a 16 yr. old son. Her husband says he will not have anymore kids. According to her, she is unhappy and cannot be happy unless she has a baby in her life.

Three days ago, she calls me to tell me that God has answered her prayers and blessed her family. She then proceeded to tell me that her 18 yr. old daughter is pregnant, and that she will be marrying her boyfriend and moving in with them. I asked her how this meant God has answered her prayers. She told me that she has for about a year now, been praying that God would let her daughter get pregnant so that she could care for another child. She is certain that her daughter will not be able to care for the baby and therefore she will have another child to raise. I was shocked and disturbed to hear that someone would actually pray for such a thing. I cannot stop thinking of it.

I agree that babies are a blessing, but I would never jeopardize a loved ones future for my own selfish needs. I told her I will be praying for their family and that I hope everything works out. I didn't mean this in the sense that everything works out in her favor. I know that her daughter is of free will and that her mother didn't make this happen. I am still disturbed over it and continue to pray over it. I am interested in hearing your opinion on why you think God would grant a prayer request of this nature.

 

[Cognitive]

Bet you didn't think your reply would be from an Atheist

All I can say is whoa... I don't even believe in prayer but even wishful thinking for a daughter to get pregnant (who is too immature to take on the responsibility) rings me as very cold. To me it takes selfishness to the extremes...

At least the child will not be displaced though, which I suppose is a plus. However the whole situation still rubs me the wrong way ethically. I think that's the wrong kind of wishful thinking for a religious or non-religious person.

No telling what measures the mother went to help her daughter get pregnant for her own personal gain... not that I'm suggesting it, but it may have occurred.

 

[Caitlin.ann]

Well first off, I hope you're not looking for certain types of perspectives here, as this is the open part of the forums and you're likely to get opinions from all types of religions. If you're only looking for a Christian perspective, I can't help you and it might be better to post in a specific area where you'll get exactly the type of responses you want.

Secondly, what is an "ungodly" prayer?

I can honestly sympathize with your relative. Her husband doesn't want anymore kids, her kids are grown and she wants a baby. With her daughter getting pregnant now she can have one. Her daughter didn't get pregnant because her mother prayed for it, she got pregnant because contraceptives failed or weren't used properly. Contrary to popular belief, babies do not ruin lives! Her daughter still has a great shot at a wonderful future. She's also really lucky that her mother is willing to help out with the baby, so it will be easier for the daughter to get a higher education and a better job in the future.

 

[keith99]

I will admit I find this rather disturbing, but it really falls pretty short of some of the nasty things people pray for.

On a more practicle side that her 18 year old daughter got pregnant is a mark against the parenting job she did.

 

[Caitlin.ann]

I will admit I find this rather disturbing, but it really falls pretty short of some of the nasty things people pray for.

On a more practicle side that her 18 year old daughter got pregnant is a mark against the parenting job she did.

You're right, I know people of various faiths who pray for peoples deaths who have done no crime but share their opinions or gained a position of authority. Limbaugh and Obama are examples.

However I don't think the fact that an adult got pregnant reflects poorly on her mother.

 

[Mystman]

I am interested in hearing your opinion on why you think God would grant a prayer request of this nature.

First off: there is no reason to assume that God granted this prayer request, even for believers. Sometimes stuff just happens. If I roll a dice, and pray for it to be a six, and it's a six, does that mean that God answered my prayer?

As for the content of the prayer: it depends on how the daughter thinks about getting a child. If the daughter also wants a child, and the mother knew that, then there's no problem. If the daughter really didn't want to get pregnant, and the mother knew that, then it's extremely selfish of the mother (and kinda disturbing) that the mother puts her own happiness before that of her children. I doubt that someone who puts her own happiness before that of her child can actually be a good mother.

 

[Caitlin.ann]

Guess it was just another post and run. Go figure.

 

[GinnaBee]

Guess it was just another post and run. Go figure.

(?) I'm not REQUIRED to reply to you. But thank you for your answer.

 

[UnionJack]

haha

 

[Caitlin.ann]

(?) I'm not REQUIRED to reply to you. But thank you for your answer.

No you're not. Then why post this response if this was just a post and run? Seems like a huge waste of time.

Toodles.

 

[GinnaBee]

No you're not. Then why post this response if this was just a post and run? Seems like a huge waste of time.

Toodles.

Glad you agree.

 

[Zebra1552]

Bet you didn't think your reply would be from an Atheist

All I can say is whoa... I don't even believe in prayer but even wishful thinking for a daughter to get pregnant (who is too immature to take on the responsibility) rings me as very cold. To me it takes selfishness to the extremes...

At least the child will not be displaced though, which I suppose is a plus. However the whole situation still rubs me the wrong way ethically. I think that's the wrong kind of wishful thinking for a religious or non-religious person.

No telling what measures the mother went to help her daughter get pregnant for her own personal gain... not that I'm suggesting it, but it may have occurred.

Agreed. Very cold. Not cool.

 

[a_nony_mous]

(?) I'm not REQUIRED to reply to you. But thank you for your answer.

So what was the point of posting this, if you're not actually going to comment on our replies?

 

[RealityPixie]

....right.

Your friend needs to get her head checked. Seriously.

It's not the prayers I'm worried about...I'm worried that she'll go all crazy and try to get custody of the child against the will of the mother/it's best interests to fulfill her own selfish wishes.

Do me a favour, and keep a serious eye on your mate and the way she's interacting with the child/childs mother. My 'crazy person about to do something crazy' senses are tingling....

 

[Seaside Beauty]

Hello! I am a newbie here! I look forward to being a part of CF! I have recently encountered an issue in my family that disturbs me and makes me uncomfortable and confused as to what it all means. I found this forum and decided this is exactly what I was looking for. I need as much advice as possible and all answers are welcome.

I am very close to a relative of mine, we are as close as sisters would be. She has for the past couple of years, wanted to have another baby with her new husband. She has 3 children from a previous marriage; a 26 yr. old son, an 18 yr. old daughter, and a 16 yr. old son. Her husband says he will not have anymore kids. According to her, she is unhappy and cannot be happy unless she has a baby in her life.

Three days ago, she calls me to tell me that God has answered her prayers and blessed her family. She then proceeded to tell me that her 18 yr. old daughter is pregnant, and that she will be marrying her boyfriend and moving in with them. I asked her how this meant God has answered her prayers. She told me that she has for about a year now, been praying that God would let her daughter get pregnant so that she could care for another child. She is certain that her daughter will not be able to care for the baby and therefore she will have another child to raise. I was shocked and disturbed to hear that someone would actually pray for such a thing. I cannot stop thinking of it.

I agree that babies are a blessing, but I would never jeopardize a loved ones future for my own selfish needs. I told her I will be praying for their family and that I hope everything works out. I didn't mean this in the sense that everything works out in her favor. I know that her daughter is of free will and that her mother didn't make this happen. I am still disturbed over it and continue to pray over it. I am interested in hearing your opinion on why you think God would grant a prayer request of this nature.

The thing to understand about prayer that so many, your friend included, do not understand is that prayer is a humbling of ones self before God. It is an act of faith and trust... It is you saying to yourself and to God that you have so much faith in God and his role in your life that you are willing to speak to him. That you believe he and his love for us exist and that it's a powerful, powerful force. It's a complete and absolute expression of trust that though you can't see him with your physical eyes or feel him with your physical body, you have faith that he will hear you and he cares very deeply about what we have to say to him. It's trusting that even when all hope is lost and we are desperate, we believe that he is finding a way for us and that we are cared for, loved, and gently guided to whatever he has for us, and he will always, always, no matter what we do, how we feel, how broken we are, be there in a way that's so powerful we can't even begin to truly understand it because our minds cannot truly grasp it. It's a supreme act of humility and trust and a powerful statement about how we believe God works in our lives and how he can hear us and knows our needs.

What prayer is not is a petition to a genie for our fondest desires to be granted. God is not a magician who's powers we summon at will. Our prayers are not like gifts on a registry, submitted to an unseen entity to be unconditionally filled. It's not even like a wishlist where if we just tell God about what we want enough, make it known how much we want or need what's on the list, that eventually he will get it for us. So many treat their prayers as they would a list given to Santa Claus, when really that is not what prayer is about. Prayer is not about God's ability to grant us what we want when we want it or even in his own time, it's about our ability to humble ourselves before God, trust he is there for us, and have faith that though we can't see him or speak to him like I can to you, he will always love, always care, always protect us, and always hear us. Prayer is our submission before God, not God's submission to our wants or to us as people.

Knowing that, we begin to understand that while we can pray for whatever we want, it's not a promise our prayers will be answered by us getting what we wanted. Another not-so-often considered fact is that it also means that if our prayers are answered exactly the way we wanted, it is that way not because we asked for it, but because that was already God's plan for us. Or that it was God's plan for somebody else that just happens to coincide with a want of yours. If you think about it, to think that something came about because you prayed for it and wanted it badly, you are not putting faith in God and what his plan is for you. You're not using prayer to express your love, faith, trust, and humility, you're using it to prove that you are powerful enough to command God to get what you want. Not only is that not what prayer is about, that's not what faith is about.

I suspect you will find in very, very short order that the pregnancy of your friend's daughter is God's will presenting itself in their lives and more about the fact that God deemed that this life needed to be created, for whatever reason, not a testimony to the all-powerful ability of your friend's prayer. Really I think it's utterly selfish of your friend to assume that she is powerful to manifest her will via prayer in another person's life and that ability includes the ability to create life. The creation of life there comes from actions taken by her daughter and her boyfriend and God, not her words or intent. The baby is a blessing bestowed by God, not her and she's ridiculous to claim it is her prayerful doing that it came about.

I also suspect that your friend will find out that the penalty for thinking that baby is as much hers because of her prayer as it is her daughters will result in a rift between her and her husband, her and her daughter, and eventually her and the child. She's not the parent of the baby and I think she is somewhat delusional to even assume that she will get to step in and act as such. Even if her daughter can't care for the child, there's the child's father who has more of a say than her, the child's family who has just as much say... Who's to know if maybe the daughter can't care for the child so she asks her boyfriend's parents to take the baby knowing her father doesn't want to raise kids anymore? Or who's to know if she herself is going to want to take a crack at it?

I think your friend is so obsessed with children that her ideas on God and family and their purposes are very warped. Too bad she can't take this love of kids and use it productively by volunteering in a school, working with underprivledged youths, working in the community with programs like 4-H, and so on. There are so many other healtheir ways for her to express her need to nurture a child that don't involve stealing her daughter's child or risking her family's happiness.

 

[GinnaBee]

Wow Seaside Beauty! Awesome answer and certainly the best I've seen yet. Thank you for your time and God bless.

 

[GinnaBee]

Bet you didn't think your reply would be from an Atheist

ALL answers are welcome, and thank you!

 

[GinnaBee]

Thanks to everyone for your answers!