So for months I have been completely obsessed with whatever i committed the unforgivable sin mentioned in Matthew, blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.
One day, I deliberately told the LORD in my head some awful things I will not repeat here in regards to the unforgivable sin.
Now i do not feel forgiven anymore. I feel like I screwed up so bad. I want to come back and follow jesus so bad but do not even know if I can even come to repentance anymore.
Tourettes displays itself with a tic, a repetitive behaviour that often is swearing or a movement of some sort.
Emotionally we can get so wound up, it just explodes out of us.
It sounds like you have had such an episode. And being honest
the easiest reaction to stress and trauma is "why me, its you fault
God, I blame you etc"
The emotion is very real and the aim is often at who is closest to you.
What is interesting is that reality. God is the closest person to you.
The unforgivable sin is about calling an act of God one of the enemy,
to a degree that nothing God could do would ever reach such an individual.
There are people who go this far, but this is an active decision of the mind
and will to turn away from God and choose to hate everything He is doing.
What you need to find out is why this emotional explosion has occurred,
and reaching out and asking God to help you through it.
Years ago in my early 20's my dad had a stroke. Emotionally I felt undermined
and like my world had been blown apart. My immediate response was
"Why me?"
This was not a intellectual statement, it was an emotional reaction to having
ones life turned upside down.
These kind of situations take time to work through and begin to pick up the
pieces. But it is in recognising what is going on inside ourselves helps set
the scene into which Jesus can then minister. God bless you