I was starting to include this topic in my previous post and it actually should be its own thread.
I have to admit it sucks that the joy of getting out of a very disliked job into a better one is getting "rained" on by feeling mad and sad that I cannot share this victory with my ex wife the way I used to. In the past, when our marriage and relationship was good, she would be my comforter and encourager when I was down, especially when looking for work. She was also my cheerleader when I succeeded at work and created my own business. Now, the marriage and the relationship no longer exists--"thanks" to her. This feeling bad is multiplied because she wanted the divorce, wouldn't accept my forgiving her and her family for their offenses, and then refused an attempt at talking to save the marriage. (This attempt, BTW, was not a personal choice. I felt it was God's prodding. I offered even though I didn't want to, and I got another "no.")
Nowadays, I actually don't want her knowing anything about my life, good or bad. She made the decision to extract herself from my life, so there is no reason for her to know if I am well, sick, happy, sad, etc.
The emotions associated with my present job victory pines for the woman from three years ago, not the one now. I consider this bump in my divorce recovery "the bout", short for a bout of divorce.
Late last month when it came down to the two companies I was in 3rd and final interviews with and then the one that made me the offer, thoughts about my ex and the divorce started creeping in. I figured this was "normal" since the past year and a half I had been mostly preoccupied with all the garbage at my old job and my campaign to get a new one (reading up on interviewing, redoing the resume, applying, interviewing, dealing with rejections, etc.) After the whole job issue, which had been at #1 in mind for a year and a half, got resolved it didn't bother me that my ex and the divorce would go from #2 to #1.
What bothers me is the bout. It started the day before my first day at the new gig. I was sitting in the park, reading a book on American history and enjoying a cup of coffee. Then the thought "You are unable to tell 'her' about this victory and share in your happiness" came to mind. It was different from the "normal" ones I just mentioned. Those were just rewinds of the her and the divorce and how now that these old thoughts were vying for #1 in my mind. This new thought, the "bout," was different. It was specifically on being locked out of sharing joy with "her" (because of "her.") At the new job on Day 1 I was in my glory. I was happy I was out of the old one, the new one and supervisors and coworkers look great, I am relieved and happy about my future...and I cannot share it with "her.
" I cried that night when I got home after work and felt anger and sadness I hadn't felt this way in over a year. I didn't cry the night of Day 2, but I still felt the lingering anger and sadness.
This is totally unexpected and unwanted. I empathize and sympathize that my emotions pines for my "old" wife to share the good news with. I still would have left my old job, regardless if I was still married or not. But I did not expect this victory to be overshadowed by this bout. I am also disappointed because up until the bout, heck this includes the return of the "normal" thinking about the divorce when I was coming down to the wire with the two companies, I was recovering very nicely from the divorce. Now with the bout, I feel like I took a step or two back in recovery.
I am not concerned about the bout negatively affecting my training and starting the new job. When I start a new gig, I "hit the wall running." I am an excellent worker and like to show this from the onset. The bout bothers me during my down time. Even last night as I was packing for my four days of out-of-state training, I was getting stressed over it. I am bringing my Scriptures with me.
I pray this bout will not last long. My new insurance won't start for another 90 days so I cannot/don't want to return to therapy. My anger is/never has been violent, and my sadness is not major depression. I will see how I go.
Thanks.
I have to admit it sucks that the joy of getting out of a very disliked job into a better one is getting "rained" on by feeling mad and sad that I cannot share this victory with my ex wife the way I used to. In the past, when our marriage and relationship was good, she would be my comforter and encourager when I was down, especially when looking for work. She was also my cheerleader when I succeeded at work and created my own business. Now, the marriage and the relationship no longer exists--"thanks" to her. This feeling bad is multiplied because she wanted the divorce, wouldn't accept my forgiving her and her family for their offenses, and then refused an attempt at talking to save the marriage. (This attempt, BTW, was not a personal choice. I felt it was God's prodding. I offered even though I didn't want to, and I got another "no.")
Nowadays, I actually don't want her knowing anything about my life, good or bad. She made the decision to extract herself from my life, so there is no reason for her to know if I am well, sick, happy, sad, etc.
The emotions associated with my present job victory pines for the woman from three years ago, not the one now. I consider this bump in my divorce recovery "the bout", short for a bout of divorce.
Late last month when it came down to the two companies I was in 3rd and final interviews with and then the one that made me the offer, thoughts about my ex and the divorce started creeping in. I figured this was "normal" since the past year and a half I had been mostly preoccupied with all the garbage at my old job and my campaign to get a new one (reading up on interviewing, redoing the resume, applying, interviewing, dealing with rejections, etc.) After the whole job issue, which had been at #1 in mind for a year and a half, got resolved it didn't bother me that my ex and the divorce would go from #2 to #1.
What bothers me is the bout. It started the day before my first day at the new gig. I was sitting in the park, reading a book on American history and enjoying a cup of coffee. Then the thought "You are unable to tell 'her' about this victory and share in your happiness" came to mind. It was different from the "normal" ones I just mentioned. Those were just rewinds of the her and the divorce and how now that these old thoughts were vying for #1 in my mind. This new thought, the "bout," was different. It was specifically on being locked out of sharing joy with "her" (because of "her.") At the new job on Day 1 I was in my glory. I was happy I was out of the old one, the new one and supervisors and coworkers look great, I am relieved and happy about my future...and I cannot share it with "her.
" I cried that night when I got home after work and felt anger and sadness I hadn't felt this way in over a year. I didn't cry the night of Day 2, but I still felt the lingering anger and sadness.This is totally unexpected and unwanted. I empathize and sympathize that my emotions pines for my "old" wife to share the good news with. I still would have left my old job, regardless if I was still married or not. But I did not expect this victory to be overshadowed by this bout. I am also disappointed because up until the bout, heck this includes the return of the "normal" thinking about the divorce when I was coming down to the wire with the two companies, I was recovering very nicely from the divorce. Now with the bout, I feel like I took a step or two back in recovery.
I am not concerned about the bout negatively affecting my training and starting the new job. When I start a new gig, I "hit the wall running." I am an excellent worker and like to show this from the onset. The bout bothers me during my down time. Even last night as I was packing for my four days of out-of-state training, I was getting stressed over it. I am bringing my Scriptures with me.
I pray this bout will not last long. My new insurance won't start for another 90 days so I cannot/don't want to return to therapy. My anger is/never has been violent, and my sadness is not major depression. I will see how I go.
Thanks.
. 
