Underlying Fears

[BeccaLynn]

I've read from at leat a couple of different people that they feel God has tried to let them know that they are His, but they still struggle due to the OCD. Does anyone struggle thinking that God confirms the opposite? God has seemed to offer me comfort many times in looking back at my life. But, there have been times when I feel like God has confirmed my fears that I'm really not His and my fears have a basis in reality. Of course, this is what can keep OCDers on the merry-go-round of looping thougts. I would like to give an example in my life to pull from. I have stated this in a previous post before, but sometimes things like this bother me more than other times. One Sunday I was so tired of struggling with the thoughts and the fears over not truly being saved, I told God that I hated Him and that if I was truly saved like some people had told me, then why didn't I have any peace?! That very morning in church, the minister's sermon was: No God, No Peace. Know God, Know Peace. Well, the whole sermon was about getting saved. I know that different people have different levels of peace, and that some Christians don't experience peace like others. But, that seemed to be such an answer to my question and horrid statement to God. It seemed to confirm my fears. I'm choosing God, regardless. And, I'm doing so much better. But, these things remain unsettled in the recesses of my mind, always lurking under the surface. Things of that nature have happened several times. Things which have, in my mind, seemed to confirm my fears. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?

Thanks!
Rebecca

 

[babegirl111]

Hey, your post actually brought tears to my eyes, "Know GOD, Know Peace", I mean I know that I love GOD so much it is the happiness HE puts inside me and you just knowing that we belong to HIM and that we are HIS regardless of what are OCD does to us or how it makes us feel! We belong to GOD OUR SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST and that is a fact! We just have to folow HIM which is most important. We have to keep are faith and continue to follow HIM. Beccalynn, you belong to GOD and HE loves you more than you could ever imagine. HE knows your OCD, your fears, and everything that worries you. I am so glad you continue to trust HIM and follow HIM. LOVE YA AND GOD BLESS YOU GIRL!

 

[kaykay637]

I've read from at leat a couple of different people that they feel God has tried to let them know that they are His, but they still struggle due to the OCD. Does anyone struggle thinking that God confirms the opposite? God has seemed to offer me comfort many times in looking back at my life. But, there have been times when I feel like God has confirmed my fears that I'm really not His and my fears have a basis in reality. Of course, this is what can keep OCDers on the merry-go-round of looping thougts. I would like to give an example in my life to pull from. I have stated this in a previous post before, but sometimes things like this bother me more than other times. One Sunday I was so tired of struggling with the thoughts and the fears over not truly being saved, I told God that I hated Him and that if I was truly saved like some people had told me, then why didn't I have any peace?! That very morning in church, the minister's sermon was: No God, No Peace. Know God, Know Peace. Well, the whole sermon was about getting saved. I know that different people have different levels of peace, and that some Christians don't experience peace like others. But, that seemed to be such an answer to my question and horrid statement to God. It seemed to confirm my fears. I'm choosing God, regardless. And, I'm doing so much better. But, these things remain unsettled in the recesses of my mind, always lurking under the surface. Things of that nature have happened several times. Things which have, in my mind, seemed to confirm my fears. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?

Thanks!
Rebecca

Others may disagree but I do believe there is such in this world as "coincidence." Just yesterday my husband said something about going to the pharmacy and them knowing his name seemed like the old TV show Cheers which had the theme song, "...where everybody knows your name." Well, I just read someone saying the same thing about going to the pharmacy and it being like Cheers on the forum yesterday. Well, we never discuss Cheers! That was really quite a coincidence! But they happen, ya know? The one yesterday had absolutely NO significance, spiritual or otherwise. Am I making any sense here?

But if we struggle with OCD sometimes we encounter a coincidence that DOES seem to correlate with something we have thought about recently and we interpret it as God speaking to us.

In the example you gave, let me just say that I don't know you at all or your spiritual walk but if you have sincerely committed your life to Jesus Christ, I think such incidences such as what you have described are likely simply the kind of coincidence I just described.

 

[kaykay637]

And yes, I have also had experience like this. That's why I think that the coincidences of life just mixed up with our OCD fears.

 

[jc9992]

I struggled with that too Beccalynn and i believe it was God speaking to you in some way.But i think you took it wrong.

I struggled for a long time thinking i wasnt saved.I had this obsession for a whole year.One day i finally broke down and felt God tell me that i had not tried everything.all that time i was looking for reassurance,trying to find out if i was saved, trying to find out if i could be saved,or trying to find a way to get to God.When the whole time what i really should have done was GO to God.

That was 5 months ago and since then ,if i ever get OCD spikes ,instead of looking for online reassurnace i just pray to God and i feel better.This might not be an instant solution but going to God and ignoring OCD instead of finding a way to go to God is a lot easier.

bless you

 

[QUannie]

Beccalyn,
I'm so sorry that happened to you! I too have experienced that allot! We have to remember, not every sermon or message we read, or hear are for us. I had a problem thinking what ever I heard was a message from God to me.....and we will not always have peace, look at the Psalms, David had all kinds of bouts with depression, anger, sadness,desperation and so on! I know when I am not focused or trusting on Jesus and listening to the OCD, i don't have peace.... Campus Crusade for Christ has a neat lesson, Its from Bill Bright!

How to Know Christ is in your life...
Did you recieve Christ in your life? According to His promise in Rev. 3:20, where is Christ right now in relation to you? CHRIST SAID HE WOULD COME INTO YOUR LIFE. WOULD HE MISLEAD YOU? ON WHAT AUTHORITY DO YOU KNOW GOD HAS ANSWERED YOUR PRAYER?THE TRUSTWORTHINESS OF GOD HIMSELF AND HIS WORD!
Thank God often that Christ is in your life and that He will never leave you Heb. 13:5. You can know on the basis of HIS PROMISE that Christ lives in you and that you have eternal life from the very moment you invite Him in. HE WILL NOT DECEIVE YOU!
Don't depend on feelings.
The promise of God's Word, the Bible-not our feelings- is our authority. The Christian lives by faith/trust in the trustworthiness of God Himself and His Word.

FACT-------FAITH--------FEELINGS.
It is like a train, the fact is Gods Word, we believe and trust thats faith, the feelings follow, but not all the time...the train can still move with out the caboose/feelings, but the caboose cant pull the train.
I had to go over this the other day.....God bless you sister, I prayed for you!
I don't listen to sermons on the radio anymore and i don't take every message or teaching as a sign that God is telling me something.
Hope it helps.
Love,
Q

 

[OptimisticSmile]

I have felt many times that God was trying to confirm to me that I am his but anytime I have a God moment I usually start doubting it and pondering probabilities and such.

two things
1. because of the state you were in that morning it is likely that nomatter what the message was you would have picked out anything condemning and neglected anything affirming.

2. the message for you could have been affirming in that peace is not a feeling but moso the knowledge of Christ and his promises. You know God, otherwise you could not choose him over and over. He has revealed himself to you through his word. That is a peace that is garunteed but may or may not be associated with feelings on earth. Its an eternal peace. Feelings are deceptive, especially in the copntext of OCD. However God's word is trustworthy regardless of how we feel. God searches the depths of our hearts. I truly believe that we will all stand before Christ seeing him with a smile on his face acknowledging the faith and trust and love we had for him but that we always thought were in question. I like to remember the rumored last words of William Cowper "heaven has not shut me out afterall"

when I was struggling believing I was not saved I would pray something liek this "God I know your word says that our hearts are emnity against you, the heart is evil and desperatly wicked who can know it, I want to have peace with you." Now imagine God hearing this knowing that "his thoughts are higher than our thoughts" all that time I was praying that believing we were at war with each other, yet God was confirming to me that I was his and just as he spoke to doubting thomas he showed himeslf to me and said "do not be unbelieving but believe"

one last thing. Peace is definently not a feeling!!!. I believe that God gave me a peace that past all understanding a few months ago. the situation was difficult and I was full of confusion, discouragment, depression. while feeling so yucky I had several bible promises i.e. Romans 8:28 that I clinged to. Believing them did not make me Feel better, but I had a peace that in the long term everything was going to turn out ok. so from that example I learned that peace really has more to do with a Godly understanding of a situation than an actual calm in a situation.

one other example. one night and ,this was still in the time from of the last example, I spent a friday night reading the forums. I got discouraged thinking how I might always struggle with OCD and never be free of fear. Time after Time I laughed aloud about the different thoughts and compulsions we have here yet at the same time I cried because of how something so irrational almsot became a death sentence to me and still takes my joy from time to time.

I decided to get out of the house and pray so I went to rent a movie. While i was driving in my truck I was praying to God about the way I say the OCD and how I feared for a long and difficult life. then several bible verses came to me. Romans 8:28, Romans 8:24-25 etc.
it was like he was telling me to wait on him.

about a week later I got engaged to my best freind in a way that was totally unplanned and enexpected. Now I have someone to help me when I struggle and the way that God brought us together is one in which I find confirmation that he is in my life. A freind asked me "so are you going to doubt your salbvation ever again" I repsponded "yes" because I know that is the nature of the OCD beast . the point with this story is that I was in tears out of discouragment and I was seeking and praying for peace that friday night. The peace I recieved was not a feeling (I still felt awful) but instead were a few biblical passages which brought me a sense of hope (again not a feeling).

Becca Lynn I will pray for you today. you and I seem to be very similar in our struggles . I thank God for you.

 

[BeccaLynn]

Thanks guys so much for your prayers and responses! It has encouraged me. I know truths in my head, and I have learned most of the time not to depend on my feelings because they often lie. I did wonder though if anyone else had felt that God had confirmed their fears before. That's been the hardest thing for me, when I hear something I've just said or felt from the pulpit or the radio that has seemed to confirm the fears I've dealt with. However, I believe God is teaching me His true nature, and it's not what I used to picture Him being like. Thanks again and love in Christ to everyone.

Rebecca

 

[OptimisticSmile]

keep in mind that satan can use Gods word in a way thats harmful. I used to be afraid to read the bible because everything I would read seemed to scream out at me Pharasee!!! Reprobate!!!! Liar!!!! Unbeliever!!!!

Looking back I realize something a pastor told me that should have made me feel assured actually made me feel bad. After I got saved my pastor said to my mom "you know noone comes unto the son except the father draws him "

what he was saying was that my decision was from God because it is not natural to desire God's salvation. However I got scared that mabye the father had not drawn me and then I gut stabbed in the checst with anxiety and I took that as confirmation that God really had not drawn me and I believed he was telling me that through what the pastor had said.

 

[Rion]

I have those at times, including right now, in fact. It's really bugging me since I was playing a video game earlier and some nonsense about Christ and Zoraster popped into my head. I feel so guilty about it but part of me knows it's just OCD. It's rough but you gotta trust Christ.

 

[annrobert]

Beccalynn,
something that happened to me shortly after this attack started when my dad died,I prayed that Jesus would let me know if I was His or not and then I opened the bible up randomly and pointed to a scripture and the scripture I pointed to said thou child of the devil.I was so horrified , as I was already trbling and crying 24/7.However about a year later I did the same thing and this time I came to Zechariah ,where Joshua was standing before the Lord and the devil was there accusing him and was rebuked by God and was told is this not a brand I have snatched from the fire,when I read it I cried and thought Jesus was trying to tell me something,but the fears stayed and I was still troubled and confused by the first time.Yes there has been times I thought Jesus was trying to encourage me , yet the attack that hit me seemed so powerful I could not seem to have the strength to fight it and the fear and pain was so intense and paralyzing and unrelenting .I pray Jesus will heal us all.
annrobert

 

[tyield1102]

I too have had times when things seemed to confirm what I feared, that I was not apart of God's family. I still struggle with this to this day. My feelings are way against God. I have found a few songs that really encourage me though. Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns, I Believe in Love by Barlow Girls and In Christ Alone by Newsboys. I find that music about God helps me more because like many others when I read the Bible all I see is I'm not saved, God is mad at me, I have no hope.

 

[Jayangel81]

I find that music about God helps me more because like many others when I read the Bible all I see is I'm not saved, God is mad at me, I have no hope.

Many of us read the bible and feel condemned. We need to be cautious on the difference between seeing and feeling.

 

[BeccaLynn]

tyield, songs seem to really help me too. Sometimes the words will seem to really sink in and be my heart's cry, whereas other times I've only listened to the beat without paying much attention to the meaning of the words. I guess the words can seem like our heart's prayer to God.

annrobert, I understand the parlyzing fear. It seems to lead nowhere. I don't think that God operates like that. If it's conviction that leads to repentance, I can see God using it. But, if it just leads to feelings of condemnation with no hope, even in Him, then it seems as if it couldn't be from Him. I so well know how terrifying and REAL the object of our fears can be. I struggle right now with feeling cold toward Him and distant, but He is just as real as the times when I think I've felt Him close. I know it is so hard. I so want the peace that seems to allude. But, I can't put fear on the throne of my life. It takes over when I do. In my mind, even if not in my feelings, I have to remind myself that He is capable and is my God. He is greater than our greatest fear and He loves us with an everlasting love. I've felt many roller coaster emotions since posting this thread, including thinking that I was surely lost from Him, but He has brought so much encouragement into my life by way of a counselor and understanding people on this website that I have to realize He's not left, nor will he ever, leave me. He will never leave you either. He is gentle and quick to forgive, not the angry God I used to picture. Try and relax knowing that His arms are enclosed about you.

Jay, good point.

Love,
Rebecca

 

[Jayangel81]

He is greater than our greatest fear and He loves us with an everlasting love.

Yes He most certainly is greater than fear. Thing is, fear doesnt come from God, what most people do not want to know (especially on recovery forums)is that fear comes from the enemy and it will be a stronghold on you if you do not set yourself free from it through Jesus Christ.

God has taught me this, and because fear has become my stronghold almost to the point of bondage (through OCD or other means) It is very controlling, we focus more on what we fear than the truth found in Gods Word.

Feelings? That is another stronghold. We are so afraid to let go of our feelings we are controlled by it. If we let our feelings be controlled, youll never find true peace or assurances. Did you know something small as the weather can change our feelings?

Just throwing something out

 

[annrobert]

beccalynn it sure seems we have many similar trials we are going through yet I know Jesus will take us through.
Bless you
annrobert

 

[annrobert]

beccalynn,
How are you doing now,are you okay now,are your roller coaster emotions calming down.I hope so.I am sorry you have been having such a painful time.I am happy Jesus is bringing you much encouragement through a therapist and these forums.I am being very much encouraged through these forums also.It is good you are able to still realize that Jesus is gentle and quick to forgive despite your emotions and that you are understanding He is not the angry God so many of us fear.I realize how not alone i am when i see other people have also experienced the paralizing fear and know what i am talking about.
love annrobert

 

[BeccaLynn]

annrobert, (or would you rather be called Linda?), I am doing better. I still have those days where I think that life has got to be better than this and that I want off the roller coaster ride. But, I don't have them like I used to. It made a tremendous difference in my life to realize that I was not alone. I really do believe that God led me to this website because I struggled inwardly for so long and felt just absolutely hopeless. No amount of trying seemed to change anything. I felt like a helpless insect caught in a spider's web. The more I struggled, the more entangled I became, and I didn't know how to get out of it. God is good and I don't feel hopeless like I did. Thanks so much for asking.

Rebecca