Umm, silly question maybe?

[FG21]

I'm new to dating, at least dating as a Christian. So...what is the normal timeline for things like kissing, holding hands,etc? I have just prayed and asked God to help me do right in His sight as I don't want anything too "physical".

Sheesh, you'd think I was 14 not 40 LOL!!!

Thoughts? Experiences?

 

[iambren]

I think the right answer is the same as when you're 14, it's just that things move along quicker. It's more difficult too because if you've had sex before you know what you are doing, what you're missing, and may feel a little more confident too, especially if with someone that is comfortable to be with.

I would expect a woman to be a little freer but I would also work with her to not go all the way till marriage.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

I suppose I'm old fashioned but I would take cues from the guy.

 

[dayhiker]

I think you or anyone shouldn't do what they aren't comfortable doing. As the relationships grows do what you feel comfortable doing.

But perhaps the main thing is to have a talk and find out what what each person wants and expects of the other. My model when I was a teen and twenties for my limited dating was to kiss and she where she said no. Now I'd rather have a talk and know ahead of time what she expected and I'd share what I expected. Start good communication early on.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I think you or anyone shouldn't do what they aren't comfortable doing. As the relationships grows do what you feel comfortable doing.

But perhaps the main thing is to have a talk and find out what what each person wants and expects of the other. My model when I was a teen and twenties for my limited dating was to kiss and she where she said no. Now I'd rather have a talk and know ahead of time what she expected and I'd share what I expected. Start good communication early on.

Wow dayhiker I am impressed (claps hands) This is a really good answer! Gotta admit I was worried lol

 

[dayhiker]

Have to be surprising sometimes.

 

[hope_is_last_to_die]

I'm new to dating, at least dating as a Christian. So...what is the normal timeline for things like kissing, holding hands,etc? I have just prayed and asked God to help me do right in His sight as I don't want anything too "physical".

Sheesh, you'd think I was 14 not 40 LOL!!!

Thoughts? Experiences?

no fixed timeline, some relationships develop quicker than others and some people are more comfortable with kissing and touching, hope its more natural than like after 5 weeks hold hands, after 10 weeks kiss on the cheek.........

 

[Camalinda]

I suppose I'm old fashioned but I would take cues from the guy.

For me, this would not be the way. Because of past experience, if you let the guy set the pace, you might feel rushed. If the guy is truly interested in a relationship with you (not just "dating), he will wait until you feel comfortable. If he's not OK with that, he can make his choice to go elsewhere or he can decde that even though it's not how he would do things, he will respect the woman and wait. I fear some men may manipulate woman into more than she is willing if all we do is take our cues from the man.

For *me*, a kiss is a Big Deal. It's almost a pledge or commitment. I feel a kiss has so many emotions tied up in it that you can easily *think* you are further along in a relationship than you really are, and that can end up with disastrous results. In other words, a person can easily be sucked into 'feeling' far ahead of what they are realistically willing to commit to, just because they are too physically involved.

That's my thought, anyway, for what it's worth. I'm not a casual dater or casual kisser or casual maker-outer (how do you like that word? ). I take physical relations of any kind very seriously, so I'm sure I'd be a dud to some men. That's OK. I'm not willing to compromise my values, though, and that is my choice and men are certainly free to make their choices as well.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

By that statement I meant, I wouldn't try to hold a guy's hand, kiss him, or anything else - I would let him lead. If I was ready, I would follow his lead. If I wasn't ready, I wouldn't let him rush me by any means.

Amen to not compromising your values!

 

[Camalinda]

By that statement I meant, I wouldn't try to hold a guy's hand, kiss him, or anything else - I would let him lead. If I was ready, I would follow his lead. If I wasn't ready, I wouldn't let him rush me by any means.

Amen to not compromising your values!

Sorry- I figured you didn't mean you would do whatever he wanted even if it compromised your values. I just threw that out there in case someone who wasn't clear- like a young girl who might think she HAS to do what the man wants to- was reading.

 

[Inkachu]

Every relationship has its own dynamic. Talk about it with your S.O. to not only establish open communication, but to get the awkard factor out of the way, so you both know what to expect, and where the other person stands. Don't go by what anyone else tells you; this is YOUR relationship. And obviously, keep the whole thing in prayer, and make sure you aren't doing anything to compromise your (or her) purity of mind and body.

 

[Bridgit]

I'm new to dating, at least dating as a Christian. So...what is the normal timeline for things like kissing, holding hands,etc? I have just prayed and asked God to help me do right in His sight as I don't want anything too "physical".

Sheesh, you'd think I was 14 not 40 LOL!!!

Thoughts? Experiences?

It all depends on the person you are dating. Take time to know him. Before moving closer to a person, you need to know if he is the one for you, what your feelings are for him, if you need to clarify some things, etc .... Be patient.

 

[chuck77]

what is the normal timeline for things like kissing, holding hands,etc?

Mostly it's the women I notice that have no timeline when it comes to kissing and holding hands. I usually just let them kiss my hand when they feel the need for physical contact, which involves both kissing and the hand. That usually satisfies them till dinner.

If you need anymore advise feel free to ask.

 

[dayhiker]

ah, chuck ... very funny, but you must have some people that shake their head when they hear your comments.

 

[Run to Jesus]

If you need anymore advise feel free to ask.

I'll definitely ask!

 

[hope4today]

You've been given lots of good thoughts here. There is no 'one size fits all' answer here other than to follow what you believe is right for you and communicate.
It might feel a little uncomfortable raising the topic but if it's concerning you at all then being honest and open about your uncertainty could be helpful. He may be feeling the same way and not sure what you want and what to do??

Bless you heaps

Hope

 

[peglew]

Geez, it seems like I can only read the first page of each post, so sorry if my reply has been repeated..

Having been in 3.5 long term relationships, I would say its different with every person. But I agree with Dayhiker about both of you feeling comfortable with what you two are doing. So if you can't "feel" the right moment, then the issue is how to communicate what you want to do. There seem to be only 2 options:
1. Talk about it.
2. Test it out by trial and error. You have to be comfortable with "No" if you try this.

Being the female, my experience has been that guys always want to get physical faster than me and wanted to go further.

The non-virgins had a hard time controlling themselves with even the simplest things like cuddling and kissing.They were like half-starved ravenous men who saw me as their last meal. I have learned to be REALLY cautious about any physical contact with them.

The virgins were very content with putting their arm around me, hand holding and light kisses. They never pushed to go further. Needless to say, I liked being around the virgins.