ugh..

[keyz]

Well.. Last week was a hell of a week. I don't mean that as in it was a really cool, but that it really was hell. I've known this gal for almost 5 years. We've been buds for the first three years of our knowing and this past year we've pursued deeper relationship. Her parents have seened this develop and watch us grow. They've watched us grow in God and supposedly they have seen that applied to our relationship.

However, last Sunday, it went down the tubes. I gave my girlfriend a hug in chuch and her dad got ticked beyond belief. It basically came out that I was never to see, speak, or be near his daughter again. He's also the assistant pastor, youth pastor, and my worship pastor so he said I was to never play on a worship team with her again. He then went on to say I don't listen to my own heart or listen to God. Great...

Needless to say I got our senior pastor involved. I won't go into details but it basically came out that these past 15 months me and his daughter have been pursuing relationship he has burned with anger and supposedly their convictions are that we should not pursue deep relationship with eachother unless I know, she knows, and everyone in the family knows that she is "the one" I am to marry. If I don't know that then we are "giving our hearts away and it is unhealthy". Unhealthy was vaguely defined. Their example was that she sends me a "good morning" message every now and then to my phone. We are 18, I guess too.

I am not sure what my point is of this message. I am grieving right now and I am really angry. My heart is for this beautiful young lady. She's been my bud and friend for the past 5 years of my life. And because her parents were not bold enough to share their convictions a year ago, it came out in an ugly way. So now I have to cut my heart off from her out of respect for this craziness.

If anything has anything to share, great.. I'm just really grossed out right now. I am not sad about my investment into the relationship because I invested in a Godly girl who's got an amazing heart. God has blessed our relationship greatly. I am just sad it had to get ripped to pieces in this way.

Becareful of family folks...

 

[starprincess]

I am sory to hear how things have turned out for you.

I think her father was really overeacting a bit.

I feel he is not at all ok with your relaionship,but didn't have the nerve to say it earlier(which he should have).
He surely did it the wrong way.

What's the girl's reaction to all of this?

 

[Deliberatetourist]

Well.. Last week was a hell of a week. I don't mean that as in it was a really cool, but that it really was hell. I've known this gal for almost 5 years. We've been buds for the first three years of our knowing and this past year we've pursued deeper relationship. Her parents have seened this develop and watch us grow. They've watched us grow in God and supposedly they have seen that applied to our relationship.

However, last Sunday, it went down the tubes. I gave my girlfriend a hug in chuch and her dad got ticked beyond belief. It basically came out that I was never to see, speak, or be near his daughter again. He's also the assistant pastor, youth pastor, and my worship pastor so he said I was to never play on a worship team with her again. He then went on to say I don't listen to my own heart or listen to God. Great...

Needless to say I got our senior pastor involved. I won't go into details but it basically came out that these past 15 months me and his daughter have been pursuing relationship he has burned with anger and supposedly their convictions are that we should not pursue deep relationship with eachother unless I know, she knows, and everyone in the family knows that she is "the one" I am to marry. If I don't know that then we are "giving our hearts away and it is unhealthy". Unhealthy was vaguely defined. Their example was that she sends me a "good morning" message every now and then to my phone. We are 18, I guess too.

I am not sure what my point is of this message. I am grieving right now and I am really angry. My heart is for this beautiful young lady. She's been my bud and friend for the past 5 years of my life. And because her parents were not bold enough to share their convictions a year ago, it came out in an ugly way. So now I have to cut my heart off from her out of respect for this craziness.

If anything has anything to share, great.. I'm just really grossed out right now. I am not sad about my investment into the relationship because I invested in a Godly girl who's got an amazing heart. God has blessed our relationship greatly. I am just sad it had to get ripped to pieces in this way.

Becareful of family folks...

So what's this guy's real basis for not liking you? I would say bite the bullet and distance yourself. Inlaw problems are real problems. If his daughter is such a Godly girl then he should respect her decision. I have dealt with the overprotective father before and believe me it can be hell. If dad would start to pull any crap with me I was outta there. Not worth it. It never gets any better. As far as the family concensus? Pleeeeeez. Yeah, try getting any two people in my family to agree on anything. Take this as a harbinger of things to come. How many other times will any decision down the road require a ridiculous concensus? This is unhealthy and I would seriously ask myself if they would ever recognize your authority and autonomy in the marriage? If the girl is old enough to make her own decisions then I say he should stay out of it altogether. If you are a good Christian guy and she's a good Christian girl then what's the problem? He might have a problem with letting go but if he is a Pastor I would hit him with some scripture and get him to justify his stance that way. There will be a lot of people that will tell you to "respect" his view but I would just say that the same thing will be accomplished by distancing yourself from this situation. Irrational people dont need your respect they need to be avoided. As far as the senior pastor getting involved that sounds prety riduculous also since it is a personal matter between you and he unless it is to throttle the assistant pastor who's behaving irrationally. Sounds to me like you could be setting yourself up for some real problems and maybe a lot of what I have said doens't make things better. But pray about it and then make the right decision.