Ugh...struggling

[ObsessedButBlessed]

Well, I know that OCD never fully goes away and I think part of managing or handling OCD is accepting that sometimes, I'm just going to feel yucky. My old obsessions about not loving my husband (in my OCD mind, love=feelings, while in my rational mind, I know that love does NOT equal feelings!) have surfaced, but now it has twisted a bit into fearing going back down that "black hole" once again. It is SO torturous, as I know you all know, to have to deal with these things, as it can reach pure panic, anxiety and horrible, tormentous thoughts and feelings.

I find for me that the main problem is not necessarily the thought, but the emotion that comes along with it. If I don't have the "right" emotion attached to a thought, then it can throw me for a loop. It feels like a horrendous loop... I think something, I feel a scary emotion, the scary emotion makes me want to obsess and figure out why I felt that way or make myself feel better (neutralize the anxiety)...obsess, bad emotion, obsess, bad emotion... it goes on and on.

I feel like my old self has gone away and the OCD self has returned! Fortunately, this time I have better tools and coping skills, and have managed to keep it, for the most part, under control. My mind wants to obsess, to figure out the puzzle, to get reassurance... and I'm trying my hardest not to let it!

It's the fear of the OCD returning....man, this stuff is crafty.

 

[frank1234]

GOD says: "I will never leave you, nor forsake you", "So Be of good cheer." God bless you.

 

[gracealone]

Well, I know that OCD never fully goes away and I think part of managing or handling OCD is accepting that sometimes, I'm just going to feel yucky. My old obsessions about not loving my husband (in my OCD mind, love=feelings, while in my rational mind, I know that love does NOT equal feelings!) have surfaced, but now it has twisted a bit into fearing going back down that "black hole" once again. It is SO torturous, as I know you all know, to have to deal with these things, as it can reach pure panic, anxiety and horrible, tormentous thoughts and feelings.

I find for me that the main problem is not necessarily the thought, but the emotion that comes along with it. If I don't have the "right" emotion attached to a thought, then it can throw me for a loop. It feels like a horrendous loop... I think something, I feel a scary emotion, the scary emotion makes me want to obsess and figure out why I felt that way or make myself feel better (neutralize the anxiety)...obsess, bad emotion, obsess, bad emotion... it goes on and on.

I feel like my old self has gone away and the OCD self has returned! Fortunately, this time I have better tools and coping skills, and have managed to keep it, for the most part, under control. My mind wants to obsess, to figure out the puzzle, to get reassurance... and I'm trying my hardest not to let it!

It's the fear of the OCD returning....man, this stuff is crafty.

HI Sad,
I have that same obsession about the OCD coming back to the point where I will be really debilitated by it. It's very uncomfortable and I will usually start checking my emotions to try and be sure I'm still OK.
We just have to allow those thoughts to be there without letting them cause us to start up the old solving/certainty debates. We also have to let the past lie, trust God for the future and live in the present. Life is only really livable moment by moment. Tommorrow is not yet ours.
Praying for you.
Mitzi

 

[QUannie]

I prayed for you!

Q

 

[wiggsfly]

I will keep you in my prayers as well. In my own experience when left unchecked things can get really bad really fast....