Two-faced Christian Men

[carebear1]

I had been dating this guy for a year. For awhile, we had fallen to temptation of seeing each other naked and making out. Now he claims to be "getting right with God" again and not wanting to make out anymore with me. Although, there was no actual fornication. He still technically a virgin and wants to wait until marriage. And blames me for his "sin" of us getting naked together.

So I asked him how is it different from him talking about porn, talking dirty about women and flirting with them, making sex jokes etc. I said that was a "sin" as well. Sexual sin to be more specific. It's lust after another woman. And quoted a few Bible verses. His response that we'd talk about it later. Few of his close male friends does it as well. I think their "dirty talk" about women and porn is their way of coping from a lack of sex.

He knows I'm feeling hurt about this whole thing and knows that we need to resist temptation.

 

[YesMe]

Marriage is sanctified by God, everything outside marriage is not from God, and we all know how much pain something like this can bring, single mothers, children without one of the parents and so on.The laws were given for our own good, to keep us away from anything that's not from God.

We are all sinners, so only God can judge and He will judge every single one of us, but please, be very careful with your own feelings, think hard at what you really want in life, think hard at what partner you need, we live in a "two-faced" world.

Once again, please, be very careful.... do not let yourself pushed away from God by other people or temporary pleasures, if you have faith in God, you will receive more than you can ever imagine!

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

By making out do you mean like kissing? Or things involving the "body parts". Because technically that would be sex.

As for him blaming you, it takes two people to do such things together such as being naked. Hes just as responsible. Though I guess it would depend on who pressured who. They may bare a bit more blame.

And yes its true, if hes talking about porn, making sex jokes...etc then he needs to stop that because its still sexual sin. Its bad enough hes lusting over you, but considering your dating and hes lusting over other women... thats even worse. Whats to stop him from looking at porn once married? If he really getting right with God then he needs to fully commit to getting right, not just getting right on subjects he thinks are right.

Because he is essentially cheating on you by lusting over other women. Trust me I know from a bad porn addiction.

 

[timewerx]

I had been dating this guy for a year. For awhile, we had fallen to temptation of seeing each other naked and making out. Now he claims to be "getting right with God" again and not wanting to make out anymore with me. Although, there was no actual fornication. He still technically a virgin and wants to wait until marriage. And blames me for his "sin" of us getting naked together.

So I asked him how is it different from him talking about porn, talking dirty about women and flirting with them, making sex jokes etc. I said that was a "sin" as well. Sexual sin to be more specific. It's lust after another woman. And quoted a few Bible verses. His response that we'd talk about it later. Few of his close male friends does it as well. I think their "dirty talk" about women and porn is their way of coping from a lack of sex.

He knows I'm feeling hurt about this whole thing and knows that we need to resist temptation.

Might not be "two-faced" just some immaturity, avoiding accountability it seems.

 

[Adstar]

I had been dating this guy for a year. For awhile, we had fallen to temptation of seeing each other naked and making out. Now he claims to be "getting right with God" again and not wanting to make out anymore with me. Although, there was no actual fornication. He still technically a virgin and wants to wait until marriage. And blames me for his "sin" of us getting naked together.

So I asked him how is it different from him talking about porn, talking dirty about women and flirting with them, making sex jokes etc. I said that was a "sin" as well. Sexual sin to be more specific. It's lust after another woman. And quoted a few Bible verses. His response that we'd talk about it later. Few of his close male friends does it as well. I think their "dirty talk" about women and porn is their way of coping from a lack of sex.

He knows I'm feeling hurt about this whole thing and knows that we need to resist temptation.

So your report does not say he denied that the porn and the dirty talk about woman and the sex jokes where sin... It just says he said he would talk about it later? So whats happening.. Since he has not denied all those things are sin how can you call him two faced?

 

[mina]

Honestly, if you were my sister, friend, neighbor, daughter, etc.... I would advise you to break up with him. It takes two to tango; you weren't the only one engaging in sinful behavior and his engaging in porn and dirty jokes is concerning. As is his hanging around with other men that do the same. If you want to be in a Christian relationship; it's probably not going to happen with him unless he is serious about getting this stuff out of his life and you have to be willing to uphold standards that you think are pleasing to God yourself no matter who you are dating.

 

[carebear1]

By making out do you mean like kissing? Or things involving the "body parts". Because technically that would be sex.

As for him blaming you, it takes two people to do such things together such as being naked. Hes just as responsible. Though I guess it would depend on who pressured who. They may bare a bit more blame.

And yes its true, if hes talking about porn, making sex jokes...etc then he needs to stop that because its still sexual sin. Its bad enough hes lusting over you, but considering your dating and hes lusting over other women... thats even worse. Whats to stop him from looking at porn once married? If he really getting right with God then he needs to fully commit to getting right, not just getting right on subjects he thinks are right.

Because he is essentially cheating on you by lusting over other women. Trust me I know from a bad porn addiction.

He believes fornication is sex which we didn't do although we held each other close while naked. And kissing as well. I would say I more pressured him into it since I'm more a Life is short type person and wanted to enjoy life in the moment.

I agree it's still cheating for him to be looking at porn or lusting after other women even if it's not done physically.

Might not be "two-faced" just some immaturity, avoiding accountability it seems.

Possibly. Sexual sin is sin. No sugar coating around it.

So your report does not say he denied that the porn and the dirty talk about woman and the sex jokes where sin... It just says he said he would talk about it later? So whats happening.. Since he has not denied all those things are sin how can you call him two faced?

True.

Honestly, if you were my sister, friend, neighbor, daughter, etc.... I would advise you to break up with him. It takes two to tango; you weren't the only one engaging in sinful behavior and his engaging in porn and dirty jokes is concerning. As is his hanging around with other men that do the same. If you want to be in a Christian relationship; it's probably not going to happen with him unless he is serious about getting this stuff out of his life and you have to be willing to uphold standards that you think are pleasing to God yourself no matter who you are dating.

I'm not going to tell him that he can't hang out with his friends that he shares the dirty jokes and talking about porn. He needs to make that decision and how its affecting his Christian life.

 

[mina]

I don't think you should tell him that either and I agree that it needs to be his decision. At the same time, I wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone that values that in his friendships and personal life and still expect them respect me or treat me like a Christian man should treat a woman. Maybe he's trying to figure some things out in his life, but I think it's a very confusing message that he is sending you. He has to make his own choices about his life, but so do you about your own life depending on what you want in a relationship and what you will put up with. If it bothers you that he watches porn , talks about it, and makes dirty jokes; it's always going to bother you as long as he's doing those things. If it were me or some woman I cared about in this position that asked me; I would say maybe give him some space to figure things out and what direction he wants the relationship to go.

 

[redblue22]

it is your life and your decision.

who cares how he feels or thinks. how do you feel about everything?

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

your relationship with this guy needs to go on sabbatical until this guy shows that he has matured in this area. you won't want to marry someone who has clearly reduced women to sexual utility and marriage will not make this better, rather it will make it worse.

this guy's view of women and their value needs to change. him blaming you for his sexual sin shows a gross lack of self control in this area, along with the course joking which scripture directly condemns(ephesians 5:3-4 colossians 3:5-8).