Two Common Themes

[OhhJim]

As I read this Forum, I see the following two concepts over and over:

1. I don't have a romantic relationship/I've never had one/I want one.

2. Don't try to find a romantic relationship, God will bring one to you when you're ready.

I can't help but wonder if there's a correlation?

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

Ah, an excellent observation. I think there's a distinct difference between being ready to find love and God knowing you're ready to commit your life to someone. Here's an analogy:

1. You're invited to a party and you're just so excited about it because you've been longing to be invited.

2. You show up and you find you're underdressed because, in your excitement, you failed to read the part on the invitation that said it was a semi-formal engagement.

Sometimes, in our haste, we feel we're ready when we really aren't. Simply having the longing for a spouse doesn't mean God is finished doing His work on us. Granted, we're always a work in progress when it comes to our walk with Jesus Christ, but there are specific areas in our lives God wants to work on before He will put a relationship in our midst. It's like this, most girls know at a young age whether or not they want to have children. They may even feel the longing when they're in high school. Does that mean they are fully equipped to take on the enormous task of being a parent? Same applies to relationships. In other words, it isn't so much when I'm ready for a romantic relationship, rather when God is ready for me to have a relationship.

 

[iwillxa100]

I dont think that anyone needs God to hand a wife or a girlfriend over to them, in order for them to find one.
Granted your relationship might not be as good if you are the one finding it, instead of God. But still, it can be done.

Yeah, these 2 themes are common. But thats because there are really only 2 ways to look at the dating issue. I mean either you believe you should try to look for one, or you believe that you shouldnt.

Granted there are some single folks who are eager and looking, but there are also single folks who are waitin on God and have been waiting on God for 40 years.

There are also folks who are looking for a mate who find themselves able to date a lot of people, while there are some other people who are looking for a mate and just get turned down a lot. A lot of that has to do with how attractive you are (attractive in all aspects)

To say there is a correlation I think is a little silly. If anything I would think that the correlation would be that if you desire a girlfriend more, then you are more likely to go out and look for one and find one.
But then again those who dont have a mate (or have a hard time finding one) are more likely to want one more, because as we all know 'you want what you can't have'.

Meh, maybe I just made things more confusing.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

I dont think that anyone needs God to hand a wife or a girlfriend over to them, in order for them to find one.
Granted your relationship might not be as good if you are the one finding it, instead of God. But still, it can be done.

We need God for everything in life. God won't hand you anything, but He will make provision for you to do everything in His perfect timing. To remove God from the equation is setting yourself up for heartache, because the plan God has for you is far superior to what our flesh wants. Can it be done? Sure, but why would anyone (especially a Christ professing Christian) want to settle for less than God's best simply out of impatience? Why do we want to rob God of the glorious opportunity to smile upon the work He's doing in our lives?

 

[OhhJim]

I would think that the correlation would be that if you desire a girlfriend more, then you are more likely to go out and look for one and find one.

I was thinking the other way around. That is, perhaps those who do not actively search for a mate are less likely to have one. Whether or not this is a good thing is open to debate. I'm not actively searching, I don't have one, and I feel it's a good thing.

But then again those who dont have a mate (or have a hard time finding one) are more likely to want one more, because as we all know 'you want what you can't have'.

Or, those that have one are not on the Single's Forum talking about how they don't have one.

Also, I know some unsaved couples who have really good relationships. I think the idea that you can't find love without God is not exactly correct.

And, I can think of some Christians who have suffered horrible physical torture when they were certain they were in God's will. I wouldn't blame them for wanting to "settle for less than God's best". I'm not saying they SHOULD, I'm saying I can understand why they might want to. I think Jesus made it plain that following Him would not necessarily lead to a pleasant life.

 

[BlessedVegan]

I must say I disagree with this so much. If you sit around not looking for a mate you'll most likely never find one. Not to say you should go out with every person on every street corner..but if you never "Look" for a mate you could very well miss him when he comes along. After all..most likely God will not send the guy to your doorstep with a diamond ring. You may meet him at a some sort of social function, a party, whatever. Maybe you'll meet him when you're out on a date with someone else! But in my opinion, if you're not out there looking you'll never find him.

2. Don't try to find a romantic relationship, God will bring one to you when you're ready.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

People just don't fully trust God anymore. No, He isn't just going to magically make your spouse fall from heaven into your lap but He will put the person in your life when the time is right. By going out "looking" for it, we've taken control out of God's hands.

 

[songz777]

Good points my view is this I am actively looking out for a potential spouse but not going out just to search. There seems to be nO evidnece at all in the bible of any one actually going out to look for a wife. Its a great study actually for all of them met each other throught being in Gods work and daily tasks.Even Isaac had a wife brought to him! Not that we should sit back quite literally like that. I am asking God to guide me, I go where God leads me, I try different avenues as He leads me and I expect Him if He wishes to use any circumstances to make it happen. Yet at the same time I do not say "Today I am going to this or that place or function to find a spouse". I seek to remain In Gods will and ever putting Him first and try ever to find shear delight in Him, and I know that as I focus uopn Him and give Him 1st Affection that He will in His good time lead me to who ever. Remember when Jesus came into the world God said " WHEN THE FULNESS OF TIME HAD COME GOD SENT" You and I will know thisto that when the Gods time is ready and we are ready and have been purfied by testing, then God will say "Hey I going to thrill you now with such blessing it will blow your mind" Just like He did for poor Job.
) Bless you john

 

[mina]

I don't know, because I myself am really confused about this and confused about God right now. You certainly can't cut yourself off from the opposite sex and expect it just to happen. On the other hand you can't force something to happen that isn't in the will of God. I guess if you want a relationship you have to be friendly and interacting with others and that gives God the opportunity to bring the right person along. Or you could be wanting a relationship, be friendly and interacting but never get a date (LIKE ME!!!!) I truly don't know the answer . I guess just trust God, but use the common sense He gave you too

 

[OhhJim]

No, He isn't just going to magically make your spouse fall from heaven into your lap...

Why not? Are you saying that God can't do that?

Do you have scripture to back this up? Because I suspect that I have just as much scripture that says God will drop a spouse in your lap, as you do that says God will put the person in your life when the time is right. Which is: none.

The scripture DOES say that "He who gets a wife getteth a good thing." It says a wife is a thing to be gotten. When you want to get a loaf of bread, what do you do? Do you wait for God to put it in your life? Do you attempt to be worthy of the bread? I suspect not. I suspect most of us go to the store and get it, although some of us get flour and bake it, and others grow the wheat and grind it to flour and bake the bread.

Now, I have no problem with people waiting for God to bring a person into their life. It's a free country, and God has given us free will, and I'm not going to tell someone else how to run their life, anyway. But I don't see how it is unscriptural to take certain steps to get married, if that's what one desires.

 

[iwillxa100]

I was thinking the other way around. That is, perhaps those who do not actively search for a mate are less likely to have one. Whether or not this is a good thing is open to debate. I'm not actively searching, I don't have one, and I feel it's a good thing.

Yes, I agree with what you just said also. That is what I meant to say originally (sorry if I sounded confusing)

Or, those that have one are not on the Single's Forum talking about how they don't have one.

lol

Also, I know some unsaved couples who have really good relationships. I think the idea that you can't find love without God is not exactly correct.

And, I can think of some Christians who have suffered horrible physical torture when they were certain they were in God's will. I wouldn't blame them for wanting to "settle for less than God's best". I'm not saying they SHOULD, I'm saying I can understand why they might want to. I think Jesus made it plain that following Him would not necessarily lead to a pleasant life.

These are both some very valid points, especially the last one.

 

[iwillxa100]

People just don't fully trust God anymore. No, He isn't just going to magically make your spouse fall from heaven into your lap but He will put the person in your life when the time is right. By going out "looking" for it, we've taken control out of God's hands.

At the same time, by 'not looking' for a relationship, we are also taking the control out of God's hands.
God can't put someone into your life if you are not being social enough to get to know different people, (and including dating or spending time with those that you think might make a good life partner)

 

[Forever trying]

Well, I guess there is some correlation.

I'm not in a relationship, and I certainly want one.

As for sitting around waiting for God to hook me up with someone!?

The only thing I'm certain of, is that I'm turning 23 next month, and I hardly see my friends anymore, because their either still at uni, or like me, finished and busy with the whole work 5 days a week thing.

At this stage in my life, I'm pretty sure I would like to have someone who I could possibly settle down with. With the whole yard, dog and kids thing, coming eventually. If God gives me this, then good on Him, and thank him for me. But I'm not going to wait for it. I'd rather have the odds stacked in my favour through some of my own efforts. I'll most probably make a dill of myself in the process lol. But it's a risk I'm willing to take.

 

[WITNESS8]

True Fluffy.



IN HIM

 

[JPPT1974]

The one and only person who thinks that you should have a mate is God and that is all that matters because God is the provider and knows what he's doing.

 

[waterbear]

An amusing assumption that people who are so certain God will provide them with a spouse in life make is that having a spouse is in fact preferrable to them. People know themselves so incompletely, it's really rather presumptuous to claim God will bring you a spouse because you currently believe you would be better with a spouse or need a spouse. What prevents that need from disappearing, that belief from disappearing?

In my experience the people who date the least keep to themselves and/or have high standards. Consequently I don't necessarily believe there is a correlation between assuming God will provide a spouse and not dating, although that belief is certainly conductive to not making an effort to seek a mate which may reduce socializing, and less socializing does - again as I see it - correlate with a tendency to date less.