Two Asperger's people in a relationship?

[HisLittleHazelnut]

Has anybody ever heard of two people with Asperger's getting into a relationship?
I know that my fiance is Asperger's, but I did not know that I was myself until last Friday. What I did know is that I identified with my fiance a whole lot and we were able to be a strong support for each other.
We have a great, caring, commited relationship, but we are very similar to each other. There are some differences, but not in places that would cause major issues.

Can a relationship between two people with Asperger's work?

 

[Cooch]

I suggest - and I am no expert on the subject - that your question will not be answered by asking whether a relationship between two Aspies will work, but whether the relationship between the two of you, will work.
Trying to answer such a question by the categories that we find ourselves in won't work. Well,,,, once we get beyond such basics as Male+Female.

The positive is that the pair of you should be able to understand and allow for the differing communication abilities and relationship needs that Aspies have. It is a personal concern of mine that I seem even less able than the average male to discern how women function at an intuitive and emotional level.

One aside. At one stage, it seems that there was a temptation to call Aspergers, "Geek Syndrome". It was supposed to be particularly common in places like Silicon Valley in California, because the type of work was attractive to Aspies, and they were marrying each other and their children were inheriting the syndrome. So obviously some Aspie couples marry.

Basic point tho. Assess the relationship on the basis of how the two of you relate as individual and unique human beings.

God Bless............ Peter

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

Thanks. Yeah, we relate very well. Strange how you should address Silicon Valley... I live there and ALMOST entered the tech field!

I have more of an oral handle than does my fiance, but he has a slightly more verbal (written) handle than I do. We're both pretty high functioning Aspies.

 

[Slina]

I know it's happened before, so it can definitely work. However, it's also like Cooch said: a lot of it comes down to how you two personally relate. Some aspies would be made too similar because of their AS and probably wouldn't work at all, whereas others would still complement each other rather nicely. I do know, partially based on personal experience (in general, non-romantic relationships in my case...), that having the AS on both sides will add a few extra 'complications' to the mix; at the same time, it'll add some extra helps to the relationship. For example, I for sure have it, and my mom pretty definitely has it; in some ways she's the easiest to relate to since she understands my AS issues, but in other ways she's the most difficult in my family just because we're two aspies trying to understand each other (and naturally have difficulty communicating or responding appropriately).

But really, you know how you two communicate and understand each other better than anyone, so unless your relationship is spelling certain doom by now (which it doesn't sound like it is), then I really don't see why the AS should keep it from working.

Semi-offtopic, if you want a story of a real-life marriage between two aspies, try getting a hold of the book Mozart and the Whale by Jerry and Mary Newport. The book tells the true story of how they met, got married, got divorced (I think through complications from their AS), and got back together again. I haven't read it quite yet (just got a copy from the library), so I can't comment on how good it is, but I've heard good things about it, and I thought you might be interested in checking it out.

 

[vespasia]

Yes it can if both of you want to work at having a relationship with each other.