Turning down a guy--honestly but kindly

[wvmtnkid]

I don't think so, as long as you say it politely. I read about some guy asking a chick out and her rejection response was: "Maybe if you lose 200 lbs I can set you up with a handicapped friend of mine."... now THAT is harsh.

That is harsh!

Anyways, I think it's actually harsher to leave hope.

I would have to fully agree here. From experience. The leaving-someone- with-hope, I think, hurts more in the long run than the flat-out-turn-down in the beginning. It's probably going to cause some hurt, you'll just have to face that. It's always going to when our hearts are involved. But, what's worse-causing a bit of disappointment now or waiting until he would get the chance of really getting to know you and possibly really liking you and then saying "Oh, I'm sorry, there's really no way I can date you."? Or maybe even you deciding you like him and having to make the decision of dating someone that turns out to not be a Christian. You'll be torn by your feelings for him and your convictions. Not a fun place to be in either.

If he wants to get to know you better, he can do that without one on one time. By just being your friend, he can get to know you better. And vice versa for you. You can also get to know him better by just keeping things on the friendship level. But by adding the one on one time, at least to me, that signifies that there is some more interest there than just casual
interest.

In any event, I gave him the option to back out gracefully, and I'll harbor no hard feelings.

I had to chuckle at this. I call this the "easy out". And I have found it rarely works. If I give a guy an easy out, they don't take it and I am still stuck with having to make the decision!

 

[sparrow1029]

Hehe--it was an easy out. You're right, he didn't take it. This is. . .messy! At this point, I have totally squelched any idea for him that there is a possibility that I'll date him, and he says that he accepts that and he still wants to be my friend. I'm not totally naive about these sorts of things, and I know the danger of mixed signals and hope, and I know that what people say and what they really mean can be quite different. I've been quite honest with him so far, but what do I say to the friend thing? I can't just stop talking to him--hes in the same (rather small) graduate program as me, and so I see him on a somewhat regular basis. I think it'd be rude for me to duck and run every time I see him coming down the hall! If he hadn't asked me out, I would have really liked to be friends with him--but I don't want his emotions involved in the process. I don't know what to do I want to move to Antarctica, where I won't have to deal with people. . . .

*sparrow gets out the classifieds and starts looking for apartments in Antarctica*

 

[JPPT1974]

WE ARE NOT TRYING TO SAY "BREAK IT TO HIM GENTLY". IT WILL BE HARD FOR YOU TO SAY IT TO HIM THAN FOR HIM TO HEAR IT BUT TELL HIM YOUR TRUE FEELINGS. EVERY HEARD OF THE TRUTH HURTS AND STINGS BUT FEEL GLAD ABOUT IT LATER ON. GOOD LUCK!!

 

[wvmtnkid]

Oh, don't move to Antarctica! It's too cold there! My personal opinion, be his friend, if that is what you want. As long as you have layed your cards on the table and he knows that friendship is all you have to offer, you're ok. Just don't give any mixed signals about dating. If he still persists, and it makes you uncomfortable, you might have to consider stopping the friendship. But, he very well might respect your boundaries and keep it at friends. Only time will tell.

 

[Lexi]

I'd gently let him know that you are not interested in finding a partner right now because you are too busy. Though when you are, you are looking for a strong Christian and things wouldn't work out between the two of you. That should get the point across and not hurt his feelings too much.