Turmoil when committing to someone

[Ben Collyer]

Some of you will be familar with my relationship plight. I know a Girl who is beautiful, and very meek, gentle and Godly, we have dated for years. (too long, I know)

I realise that I need to repent of some besetting sins and draw closer to God before I marry. I need to become stable with God. none the less. I feel I can't draw closer to God until I've severed the relationship because the relationship consumes my thoughts and I can't focus on God. I told this girl "Look, We both need to draw closer to God, lets just stop communicating for 3-6 months and then see what happens"

But I cant concentrate on my bible. My spiritual discipline sucked anyway even without the endless ruminating on the relationship. But ofcourse, If I sever the relationship, not only am I going to enter into a whole world of emotional pain. but she probably wont be available when I AM ready

and also, when I have tried to commit to her before, I've always been met with an unshakeable inner "turmoil" about it. I need to know what this turmoil is and why it happens

 

[brinny]

Some of you will be familar with my relationship plight. I know a Girl who is beautiful, and very meek, gentle and Godly, we have dated for years. (too long, I know)

I realise that I need to repent of some besetting sins and draw closer to God before I marry. I need to become stable with God. none the less. I feel I can't draw closer to God until I've severed the relationship because the relationship consumes my thoughts and I can't focus on God. I told this girl "Look, We both need to draw closer to God, lets just stop communicating for 3-6 months and then see what happens"

But I cant concentrate on my bible. My spiritual discipline sucked anyway even without the endless ruminating on the relationship. But ofcourse, If I sever the relationship, not only am I going to enter into a whole world of emotional pain. but she probably wont be available when I AM ready

and also, when I have tried to commit to her before, I've always been met with an unshakeable inner "turmoil" about it. I need to know what this turmoil is and why it happens

I mean this is the kindest way, brother. I suspect the "turmoil" is your inability to commit to a healthy relationship, and thus the "turmoil". You are on the right track when you state you need to get with God. You do.

Praying for you.

 

[Ben Collyer]

I mean this is the kindest way, brother. I suspect the "turmoil" is your inability to commit to a healthy relationship, and thus the "turmoil". You are on the right track when you state you need to get with God. You do.

Praying for you.

Yeah, but i wonder if theres any way I can ...deal with the turmoil and proceed with the relationship

 

[brinny]

Yeah, but i wonder if theres any way I can ...deal with the turmoil and proceed with the relationship

Leave the relationship be, for now. Put it in God's hands, as you go to Him and ask Him to do what He only can do, and that is to give you a heart, mind, and soul that is in sync with His.

Keep your turmoil out of any relationship.

Praying for you.

 

[Ben Collyer]

Leave the relationship be, for now. Put it in God's hands, as you go to Him and ask Him to do what He only can do, and that is to give you a heart, mind, and soul that is in sync with His.

Keep your turmoil out of any relationship.

Praying for you.

you mean, I should continue dating her?

 

[brinny]

you mean, I should continue dating her?

See this from post #4:

Leave the relationship be, for now.

 

[Albion]

You say that she is a Godly girl, so is there a chance that being with her isn't the better way to move in the direction you want? Being with someone who is a good influence has benefitted many other people. Unless, that is, you have reason to think that you will only damage her without getting yourself squared away.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Ben Collyer]

I would like the companionship, a family, and sex, and to grow closer to God, which I worry is a lot harder to do married than being single.



.”

 

[Hidden In Him]

I've always been met with an unshakeable inner "turmoil" about it. I need to know what this turmoil is and why it happens

Hi, Ben. I'm going to take a different tack than Brinny. (Hi, Brinny ). My guess is that you are wondering if the inner turmoil is from God or not, and my suspicion is that it has more to do with your own confusions about being close to her or not, as if closeness in and of itself may be something you find complicated to do.

none the less. I feel I can't draw closer to God until I've severed the relationship because the relationship consumes my thoughts and I can't focus on God. I told this girl "Look, We both need to draw closer to God, lets just stop communicating for 3-6 months and then see what happens"

But I cant concentrate on my bible. My spiritual discipline sucked anyway even without the endless ruminating on the relationship.

My first impression here was maybe you needed to try and get with her at least for Bible study together. But then I read over how your spiritual disciplines weren't all that great before this anyway, which changes things. It means Brinny is probably right: You need to work through the separation long enough to where your mind finally starts calming down, and then you'll be able to focus more of your attention on God. And btw, only when you master learning how to do this will you be truly fit for marriage anyway.

 

[brinny]

You say that she is a Godly girl, so is there a chance that being with her isn't the better way to move in the direction you want? Being with someone who is a good influence has benefitted many other people. Unless, that is, you have reason to think that you will only damage her without getting yourself squared away.

Unless, that is, you have reason to think that you will only damage her without getting yourself squared away.

This.

 

[Ben Collyer]

I really resent the fact that Im having to let go of a very very precious woman in order to pursue God...like...I really am angry

You need to work through the separation long enough to where your mind finally starts calming down,

 

[Ben Collyer]

I really resent the fact that Im having to let go of a very very precious woman in order to pursue God...like...I really am angry

 

[brinny]

I really resent the fact that Im having to let go of a very very precious woman in order to pursue God...like...I really am angry

All the more reason to seek God, amen?

If she is/was so precious to you, why did you impose all you did on her?

(I've read most of your posts).

Take your anger to God so He can extinguish it.

 

[Albion]

OK, we have kicked this around in our brains and need to know from you exactly why you cannot do two things at once or believe it unwise to try. You say, in the OP, that you ought to be closer to God before marrying, but you are apparently not on the verge of marriage in any case.

 

[Ben Collyer]

OK, we have kicked this around in our brains and need to know exactly why you cannot do two things at once or believe it unwise to try. You say, in the OP, that you ought to be closer to God before marrying, but you are apparently not on the verge of marriage in any case.

maybe because there is contention inside me on weather I actually want to spend my life with this woman as she is.

and also because she is 26, I am 25, I cannot ask her to wait around for me, its not fair on her

 

[Ben Collyer]

All the more reason to seek God, amen?

If she is/was so precious to you, why did you impose all you did on her?

(I've read most of your posts).

Take your anger to God so He can extinguish it.

impose what?

 

[Albion]

I don't feel, after all is said and reviewed, that this has much to do with getting right with God.

If we removed the effort to be closer to God from consideration, we'd still be at the same place vis-à-vis the girl, wouldn't we?

 

[brinny]

impose what?

Read your posts again.

Just off the top of my head your "turmoil" comes to mind, amongst other things.

I'm going to ask you a question you don't seem to have focused on:

Why would this woman you yourself described as "precious" want to be with you?

 

[Ben Collyer]

well, It could be that the thought of her giving her love to someone else is so horrorfying and tormenting to me, that I have held onto her for years to avoid that eventuality, I have even considered spending my life in an unhappy marriage with her to ensure that never happens