Trying not to worry, but...

[believenolies]

Two years ago I became a caregiver to my elderly mother out of necessity. She and I moved away from the city we'd lived in all our lives, to the other side of the state so she'd be closer to her other daughter and my aunt. Of course I had to quit my job to do this.

She has cancer, is almost blind, and is mostly wheelchair-bound. I was told by several people before we moved that I could get paid by the state to take care of her. Boy, were they wrong! Because her insurance doesn't cover caregiving, I am entitled to nada.

She cannot be left alone all day while I work, plain and simple. She can't afford to hire someone to be with her, either. Our other family members are too busy with their own lives to be around much to care for her, so it falls on me. I don't mind taking care of her, but I hate not having an income, and it scares me.

To make things worse, my aunt is highly critical of me, saying that I'm "just lazy", and "don't want to work". If she had seen how I worked at my last job, I don't think she would say that! I often worked overtime even with no pay! Now I'm getting no pay at all...

I'm very worried, because if Mom were to die anytime soon, I'm afraid I'd be on the street. With no income, I can't pay rent, and I doubt my family (or at least my aunt) thinks enough of me to help much. Both my sister and aunt are Christians, but both seem to think I should just "get a job already!" But I absolutely don't feel right about leaving Mom alone, and besides that, caregiving IS a job! Full-time, too!

I really feel that the Lord wants me to take care of Mom, but I can't help but be stressed about my future, which looks bleak.

Any suggestions?

 

[Angeldove97]

Have you talked to anybody about getting her on Medicare? My Aunt's mom recently got Alzheimer's and has heart problems as well. Since my Aunt could no longer take care of her (my Aunt isn't made out to take care of people very well) and her mom had no money, Medicare said that if there was an opening in the senior home, that they would pay for it. My Aunt was able to find a very nice senior home, very close to her home, and the Staff there just love her. She's now being taken care of very well and has friends there too, so while she may not be able to remember any of us, I know she's alot happier.

There are programs out there to help your Mom get the services she needs--- nobody is expecting you to take care of her 24/7 when you yourself need to take care of yourself and often its a wonderful idea to have a trained specialist come in and assist. My own Mom was a home health aide for many years, had to go through training on how to take care of the elderly, and people often paid very little to have that type of assistance. What's nice about a hha is that your Mom could still live with you and you'd be able to leave for a few hours to have a job or do errands.

I would highly recommend checking out your state's web-site and seeing what programs are available and also checking out home health aide programs and Medicare. At 23, I wish I didn't have to know this much about the elderly, but I know it'll be valuable when my parents get older too.

Let us know how things are!

 

[believenolies]

Thank you for your reply.

She is already on Medicare, and they don't cover caregiving. We've already looked into that, as well as someone coming in with her. In this state anyway, it's too expensive. Even for a few hours a day, it would run into a few hundred a month, which she can't do.

I get so frustrated with my aunt, who expects me to be here for Mom, but also have an outside job somehow as well. If Mom were left alone for very long, she would get hurt. None of us, especially her, want to see her go into a nursing home. She's said she'd lose the will to live if that happened.

I really don't know what the answer is at this point.

 

[BibleSender]

Hi,I am truly praying for you. I myself spent 2 years taking care of my Mother and the only help I received was a visit from a hospice volunteer 2 hrs a week so I could get out to do necessities.

Please be careful about your own health also. Being a full time caregiver is very stressful.

2 months after my Mother passed away I had a heart attack. I'm not trying to scare you but only make you aware about taking care of yourself.

I admire you for what you are doing for your Mother and you will be rewarded. You are making beautiful memories that will last forever!

God Bless!

 

[grammalamma2]

Have you contacted the 'Elderly services' in your area? It would be with Dept. of Soc. Health Svc. Normally called Adult Protective Services. Check your local authority and find out if they can help you. I'm sure there are places that will help. You must have some respite care at least. I will be praying for you to get help and strenghth soon. Go to your church and see if they know of any answers. God Bless you