Trusting people

[llghoney]

I know my husband thinks that a few beers is ok, but with my child I just don't trust those who have had those few beers. Especially when she is so small (2 1/2 mnths). See they know that I have called them alcoholics as well and they resent that. And I had said they wouldn't be able to keep any kids we had and they thought I meant just see them at that time & it caused a big stink. Now, that we do have Grace they are going to find out again that I meant what I said. They can see her but not alone. I just don't care for them in general.

HS, I'm sorry you are going through something similar.

 

[Neenie1]

I know my husband thinks that a few beers is ok, but with my child I just don't trust those who have had those few beers. Especially when she is so small (2 1/2 mnths). See they know that I have called them alcoholics as well and they resent that. And I had said they wouldn't be able to keep any kids we had and they thought I meant just see them at that time & it caused a big stink. Now, that we do have Grace they are going to find out again that I meant what I said. They can see her but not alone. I just don't care for them in general.

HS, I'm sorry you are going through something similar.

Are you talking about them having drinks around the baby while you are present or them drinking around the baby while being on babysitting duty? There's a totally different thing. Are you talking about holding the baby after they've been drinking? (that I probably wouldn't allow either) but a few drinks at a party while you are present is a totally different matter.

I am wondering if you are having problems with getting your husband to understand this issue is because maybe he has grown up in it, he doesn't see it as a problem. My father was an alcoholic (I say was because he passed away in September, due to his addiction) and it took me until last year to realise he is an alcoholic, this was after he was told to give up drinking because of his liver damage, and he did give it up. I never knew he was alcoholic as I was growing up, I just thought it was normal. He has always held down a full time job, has never drunk around my children, (in fact never ever got drunk in front of us as kids - probably why I never saw him as an alcoholic) I have trusted him to babysit in the past simply because I knew he wouldn't drink while he was doing it. At the end of the day it is your baby and you have to do what you think is best.

 

[Leanna]

I don't feel that when it comes to my children I need to "trust" people just because they are family. Sometimes trust is a risk and I won't take risks with my children.

I do trust both my parents and in laws though and they both can babysit the kids... though now with 3 we are sending the baby to one and the other two to the other grandparent when we go on a date.

 

[Birbitt]

llghoney....I totally understand where you are coming from. My Dh's family is basically a family of alcoholic males and manipulative and sneaky females. I NEVER leave my children (now 4 and 5) alone with them. When my children were babies the rule for us was that if you wanted to see the children you had to come to our house (unless it was a family affair then we'd go to them) and you could not have had even one drink (his family drinks gin so even one drink and we knew they were drinking) if you expect to see the children. Most of the family respected our decision however my dh's grandmother told me that I had no right to decide who could see our children...dh quickly set her straight! Dh's father hated the rule and would come over drunk to see "his baby" and when we didn't let him in he'd pound on the door until we'd finally call the police and they'd arrest him for disturbance. So I totally understand where you are coming from. The best way to avoid argument (or at least minimize argument) is to set ground rules....if you want to see Grace then you must call us to tell us you are planning on visiting, you may not be drinking at all if you expect to see/hold her, and you will not see her if I can smell alcohol when you arrive at our home. Once they see you are serious, and if they are really serious about seeing little Grace then they WILL respect your wishes even if they resent them!

 

[llghoney]

See the difference there is my husband will not tell his parents it's wrong. In his eyes a few beers or drink or 2 is ok. That's where I run into issues.

 

[Leanna]

I just want to add not to make any decisions on a marriage based on how you feel 2 months after a baby's birth. Chances are you aren't getting proper sleep and that makes both parties struggle.

 

[Birbitt]

llghoney....I'm sorry that your husband doesn't agree with you, and even sorrier that I have no advice for you in how to handle it. The only thing I can say is maybe you can convince him of the dangers by showing him how dangerous it really is? Search the internet perhaps you can find articles to help him to see that even just a beer or two can impair a persons judgments and possibly put your child at risk?

 

[llghoney]

I just want to add not to make any decisions on a marriage based on how you feel 2 months after a baby's birth. Chances are you aren't getting proper sleep and that makes both parties struggle.

This has been going on long before Grace, unfortuantely I thought maybe his views woud change.

llghoney....I'm sorry that your husband doesn't agree with you, and even sorrier that I have no advice for you in how to handle it. The only thing I can say is maybe you can convince him of the dangers by showing him how dangerous it really is? Search the internet perhaps you can find articles to help him to see that even just a beer or two can impair a persons judgments and possibly put your child at risk?

Thank you! It'll be ok. It's just tough right now & I blame myself for thinking that things are going to be ok.