Thank you both for your stories and advice.
As much as I would like to tell you, I don't know. My head is swimming with questions and it's so hard to narrow it down to just one. I think that my biggest problem is simply doubt. As you can relate to, I know in my head that God is real, I don't feel it. The truth is, I don't know what I feel. These questions are starting to interfere in my ability to think about anything properly, whether it's relationships or decision making because I don't know how I feel. I'm struggling between what I should feel and what I actually feel. I don't know what I actually feel, but why isn't it the same as what I should feel? Am I not a good enough Christian? Is there something that I'm not doing? I'm doubting if I can truly believe in God with all my heart and I don't know what to do because when I pray or read the bible looking for answers, I start to wonder if it will work or not, which just leads to more doubt.
Well, as for the questions, you can probably post some of them in separate threads in "serious stuff," particularly in light of the fact that these questions are causing you to doubt your faith.
As for your feelings, it seems to me quite useless to try to control them. Of all the things in yourself you can control, emotions are one of the most difficult. In my opinion, there are two kind of emotions: those from our spirit, our innermost self, and those from our body, our physical self. Generally, the way I see it is that our spirit has, after we become regenerated by the Holy Spirit, emotions which are in tune with the truth. Often, these emotions are less passionate, but run deeper. Take the beautiful view of the stars, for example, and if the stars don't do it for you, then perhaps aurora borealis, the norther lights. In any case, when you observe these things, you sense a bit of awe and wonder. It is not so passionate as to put you in a great mood the rest of the day, at least, not at first. But it does invoke a quiet reverence. Examples of these sorts of quiet emotions would be things as sorrow, contentment, joy (not the exuberant kind, that's happiness), and grievance.
Conversely, we have physical emotions, where the chemicals in our brain that fire off to give us more passionate feelings. Examples are happiness, anger, fear, sadness, ecstasy, etc. These come and go with the mixture of chemicals in our brain. What Thehehe said about taking a retreat may help in some respects, but you will almost never be able to control these physical emotions. Instead, what you must learn to do is not let your emotions make your decisions.
In many cases your spiritual emotions should serve to guide you, alongside reason and with God's direction, to do what you do. Physical emotions are wonderful if they follow along, but oftentimes they do not. I think it would be folly to suggest you aren't a "good enough Christian" Nobody is. By grace, through faith, as we Protestants say. (no offense Thehehe) It isn't anything good we've done that saves us, it's what God has done through His Son. And nobody can take that from you. (Romans 8:31-39)
I encourage you to post your questions to the forum, and continue in your prayers. "Lord, I believe, help Thou mine unbelief!" (Mark 9:24) That was the prayer of a man who wanted to believe, but felt he couldn't. Take heart, for God is the Author and Perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2) and will perfect the good work He started in you until the day of Christ. (Phillipians 1:6)
As a final note, by the questions you ask, you seem a genuine seeker. Someone who is only casually interested in God doesn't ask these questions.
