This is going to be long, so please bear with me.
I am a 20 year old Christian believer who has been fortunate enough to have a loving Christian home whilst growing up. 8 years ago we have made a decision as a family to move to a different country to start a new life with better opportunities and hopefully with a better future. It was a tough to move to a completely different speaking country where we didn't know many people and still, everything was great. Until me and my mum went back to our home country for a holiday and until my dad called us on a phone. I was 16 back then and my dad was my absolute hero, definitely a daddy's little girl. So my dad called and I put the phone on loudspeaker as I was excited to hear my dad's voice after a long time. However, instead of hearing my usual cheerful dad, I heard a man who sounded like my dad who demanded a divorce from my mum. We were both stunned as my parents marriage didn't seem that problematic, okay, they had a few arguments every now and then but what couple doesn't? The conversation between my parents didn't make sense as my mum tried to talk to him and find out what is the matter but my dad wasn't saying anything. I was absolutely stunned and I just didn't even know what to feel or how to react. We wanted to book a flight back to my dad straight away but as there was only a few days left, we decided to wait. We flew back to the country we live now not knowing what to expect. After my mum spoke to my dad, she came up to me and asked to go to our local doctor as I was needed as an interpreter. We went to the hospital and the doctor asked to tell what is wrong. My mum started speaking for my dad and she asked me to translate that my dad has wounds on his arms. The doctor asked to show him the wounds and my dad rolled his sleeves and I was shocked to see that my dad had serious deep wounds on his forearms. By then I realised that my dad had tried to hurt himself. We went to a different clinic where my dad had to have stitches put in and we had some people talk to my dad and they had an interpreter. My dad was diagnosed with depression. I didn't really know much about what was going on or about the illness or what is wrong with my dad and why he is no longer acting like himself. I then found out that my dad told another woman that he had feelings for her and got turned down. So my parents marriage was definitely hanging on to a single thread by that point. Anyway, long story short, it was a long recovery but my dad pulled through, my mum managed to find peace in her heart, but my parents marriage didn't manage to pull through. They didn't divorce, my mum as a believer declined the idea of divorce even after finding out about another woman. We had mental health team come to us nearly every week and I would have to run home from college and translate for my dad. Anyway, after a while, my dad was more or less back to normal but he occasionally showed moments where he became really aggressive, verbal aggression to both me and my mum and sometimes even physical, mostly towards my mum. Nevertheless, life moved on. I got baptised at 18, had a few relationships, parents were okay, brother got married and I found a part-time job. I was happy for a while until I started to feel lonely. Some of my friends got married or started serious relationships and I just felt like I was missing out. When I was couple of months into my new work which I loved, a new member of staff joined my workplace. He was the definition of what was my "type". Tall, dark, handsome and the fact that he was older and would be at the age of looking at serious relationships, made me look twice at him. We didn't really speak much and after a while, my crush died down as he was too quiet and wouldn't be the first to start the conversation and I just had too much pride to approach him first. A year later, I was doing regular night shifts as I was free from university for the summer. The guy who I had a crush on was also doing them regularly, simple coincidence. We started talking, I came back from 3 week of a dream holiday and he started talking to me and inquiring about it. We started to get to know each other and we just hit it off. A month later, he asked me out on a date and I didn't give him an answer as he was going on a holiday back to his home country for 3 weeks. I knew he wasn't a Christian but he had an orthodox background which didn't seem bad to me considering that my mum changed her belief from orthodox to baptist. So he came back from his holiday, still very eager to take me out on a date and I couldn't help it but say yes. For some reason, I didn't take it very seriously, I thought that it wouldn't go well and it would just be some date that just happened once and then go back to normal. I also left the place that I was working at because my second year of university started and the work was getting a bit too much so we wouldn't have to run into each other etc. However, to my surprise, the date went on really well and we both wanted to see more of each other. After a few weeks of dating, he asked me to be his girlfriend, a month later, we told each other that we love one another. He was the first man whom I have fallen in love with. We have had a few conversations about the fact that we didn't share the same beliefs but he was really keen on our relationship so he went to church and tried to understand me and my belief. My parents weren't that supportive of our relationship but after they saw that he came to church and made some effort of getting to know God on a more personal level, they warmed up to him. He was accepted by my family, my dad and him got on so incredibly well. We even went on a holiday together with my brother and his wife. However, our relationship wasn't as perfect as I wanted it to be. Considering that he was 9 years older than me, we had a lot of arguments. I had my moments of insecurities and it didn't always feel like I should be treated in the way he was treating me. He could never say, he would twist our arguments in such a way that I would be the bad guy causing all of our relationship issues. But because we have had so many conversations about future and marriage and having kids, I let it slip because that's what I thought that I should be doing as a woman. I let him get away with things and accepted what he was saying about me that I can't be pleased etc.. He also found out that I was talking to a Christian guy who was considering moving to the country that I currently live in and that we had a lot of conversations about church and so on. My then boyfriend was furious with me and I felt awful because I was trying to help someone but I hurt my boyfriend in the process. I deleted the person who I was speaking to, to show that I only cared about my then boyfriend. He didn't want to speak to me but we moved on eventually. For me to find out that he was talking to another woman. But he started creating jokes and saying things like oh she's no one and when I became upset, he just told me that I was over reacting. I believed him. That was just an example of what our relationship was like. But I still loved him and still wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Anyway, coming up to Valentine's Day, I have noticed that my parents are having troubles again. I guess I was so excited to have someone important in my life that I forgot about other problems.
On sunday, the day of valentine's day, my dad asked me to talk to him privately. I didn't know what it was about and mum didn't say anything either. So my dad told me about how he has met this woman and who he's having some sort of a relationship with. I didn't ask to define what kind of a relationship it was because I was just so angry with my dad, I couldn't understand why would he put our family in jeopardy and chose our family over another woman! I was hurting a lot and because my boyfriend was there, I told him everything that has been going on with my dad since 4 years ago and what is happening this time around. He was shocked but he was my rock and he supported me and he gave me the comfort that I craved. I couldn't imagine what my mum must have been feeling because she has lost my dad once again to another woman. She told my dad that he has to move out and if he won't then she will. I thought that was it. That is my parents marriage over after 34 years of marriage. We then had church elder come home and speak to my dad about what has happened, my dad was really ashamed and embarrassed and regretful and they both prayed and that seemed to be the end of it. But suddenly we noticed that his symptoms of mental health are back and are blasting out on a level that we haven't seen before. He was experiencing visions, voices, irritability, the whole lot. We booked an urgent appointment with our local doctor who didn't seem to pay much effort into my dad's situation but asked one question, "Have you thought about hurting yourself?". My dad's response was a solid no. We didn't think much about it but just left and my dad was given anti-depressants which he started taking the next day. The next day was my parents 35th wedding anniversary. Dad went on a walk somewhere whilst me and my mum were just cooking at home. My dad came home looking pale and as if he could barely walk and just simply said, I'm dying. My mum starts panicking as she sees that there is blood all over my dad, they sat on a couch and my mum saw that there was a large amount of blood on my dad. I instantly grabbed my phone and dialled the ambulance, I started panicking because my dad just looked as if he really was dying. The ambulance was on their way, my mum being a nurse tried to put pressure on the wounds and see where else are the wounds. I called my boyfriend because he was a nurse and he lived very close to me, he came after 10 minutes and took over from my mum because she was just lost. We were both in tears, trying to make sure my dad doesn't fall asleep, praying to God, I then got in touch with my brother and his wife who came at the same time as the ambulance. My dad has cut his neck, damaged an airway in his neck. He had a deep wound in his arm, which was at risk of losing the feeling in his hand and fingers. He had puncture wounds on his stomach as he was trying to also get to his heart. We live on the second floor in an apartment building and we have shed areas downstairs. My dad went to our shed and he tried to kill himself there. Only by a God's miracle, he had strength to get up to the second floor and get us to help him. My dad got sectioned by a mental health act, he had to go to a psychiatric hospital and we are back to square 1. In the meantime, it was around my boyfriends birthday and I decided that I will try and do something fun. He was my support system and I wanted to give back by organising a surprise party and getting his friends from a different city to come. Everything was well. Until the morning of his birthday, he came over and we had sex. I broke the promise of staying a virgin until marriage and most importantly, I broke my promise to God. I felt awful and regretting it after it happened. I broke up with him because it wasn't right. It wasn't right since day one. I sort of blamed him because he knew that I wanted to save myself for marriage and that I would only be married to a like minded believer. We started arguing and he said that he never had the intention of becoming a Christian, he felt hurt because I couldn't accept him that he didn't have the same beliefs as me. He told me that I never loved him and that I was a cruel person. I hit rock bottom. I felt used, I felt angry, I felt broken, I felt lost. I nearly lost my dad and I lost the man who I have given away my heart to. I had dark thoughts, I wanted to just disappear, I imagined how it would feel to just feel nothing anymore, to not exist.. I told my mum because she didn't understand why we suddenly broke up. My mum was hurt, she felt responsible. It was awful. She was so disappointed in me. My dad was back from the psychiatric hospital and we told him as well because he felt that something was wrong and he kept thinking that it was something to do with him. I told the elder of my church, because I didn't take part in breaking of bread on a few sundays. We spoke, we prayed, we wept, I asked for God's forgiveness. It was decided that I wouldn't leave church and it would just be kept between the elders and us as a family. I felt unworthy of such forgiveness and acceptance. I will regret my decision that I took to have sex probably for the rest of my life as it means that I will probably have to stay single as I doubt that there will be a Christian man who will accept me. But I am now learning to trust God. Remember the Christian guy I talked about earlier on? We have been talking again and not long ago, he has showed a serious interest in me. When he told me, I was stunned as I didn't expect someone to want to be a part of my life. He is now trying to find a way to come over to this country. We are praying about both of us and whether its the Lord's will for us to be together. I am now doing it the right way, the way that God has taught us. We are trusting God in helping us. I am so scared of how this guy will take my past, I am so scared of his decision and my feelings are slowly growing for him. I am scared of being hurt again but I am more scared of hurting him. I haven't told him anything yet and he is thinking of coming over in end of May - June time. But I will continue to pray and put this in Lord's hands. My dad is doing so well, his medication is working well, he has finally come to church and he was overwhelmed by the great amount of people who prayed for him. My parents are slowly working on their marriage and we have found out that my brother's wife is expecting their first child. Praise the Lord for He is great.
I have learnt a lot from what has happened. Mostly is that the Lord has a reason why He lets some things happen. He knew that after everything, we will come out much better on the other side. We will continue to pray and to trust unto Him.
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6.
Thank you for your time taken to read this.
I am a 20 year old Christian believer who has been fortunate enough to have a loving Christian home whilst growing up. 8 years ago we have made a decision as a family to move to a different country to start a new life with better opportunities and hopefully with a better future. It was a tough to move to a completely different speaking country where we didn't know many people and still, everything was great. Until me and my mum went back to our home country for a holiday and until my dad called us on a phone. I was 16 back then and my dad was my absolute hero, definitely a daddy's little girl. So my dad called and I put the phone on loudspeaker as I was excited to hear my dad's voice after a long time. However, instead of hearing my usual cheerful dad, I heard a man who sounded like my dad who demanded a divorce from my mum. We were both stunned as my parents marriage didn't seem that problematic, okay, they had a few arguments every now and then but what couple doesn't? The conversation between my parents didn't make sense as my mum tried to talk to him and find out what is the matter but my dad wasn't saying anything. I was absolutely stunned and I just didn't even know what to feel or how to react. We wanted to book a flight back to my dad straight away but as there was only a few days left, we decided to wait. We flew back to the country we live now not knowing what to expect. After my mum spoke to my dad, she came up to me and asked to go to our local doctor as I was needed as an interpreter. We went to the hospital and the doctor asked to tell what is wrong. My mum started speaking for my dad and she asked me to translate that my dad has wounds on his arms. The doctor asked to show him the wounds and my dad rolled his sleeves and I was shocked to see that my dad had serious deep wounds on his forearms. By then I realised that my dad had tried to hurt himself. We went to a different clinic where my dad had to have stitches put in and we had some people talk to my dad and they had an interpreter. My dad was diagnosed with depression. I didn't really know much about what was going on or about the illness or what is wrong with my dad and why he is no longer acting like himself. I then found out that my dad told another woman that he had feelings for her and got turned down. So my parents marriage was definitely hanging on to a single thread by that point. Anyway, long story short, it was a long recovery but my dad pulled through, my mum managed to find peace in her heart, but my parents marriage didn't manage to pull through. They didn't divorce, my mum as a believer declined the idea of divorce even after finding out about another woman. We had mental health team come to us nearly every week and I would have to run home from college and translate for my dad. Anyway, after a while, my dad was more or less back to normal but he occasionally showed moments where he became really aggressive, verbal aggression to both me and my mum and sometimes even physical, mostly towards my mum. Nevertheless, life moved on. I got baptised at 18, had a few relationships, parents were okay, brother got married and I found a part-time job. I was happy for a while until I started to feel lonely. Some of my friends got married or started serious relationships and I just felt like I was missing out. When I was couple of months into my new work which I loved, a new member of staff joined my workplace. He was the definition of what was my "type". Tall, dark, handsome and the fact that he was older and would be at the age of looking at serious relationships, made me look twice at him. We didn't really speak much and after a while, my crush died down as he was too quiet and wouldn't be the first to start the conversation and I just had too much pride to approach him first. A year later, I was doing regular night shifts as I was free from university for the summer. The guy who I had a crush on was also doing them regularly, simple coincidence. We started talking, I came back from 3 week of a dream holiday and he started talking to me and inquiring about it. We started to get to know each other and we just hit it off. A month later, he asked me out on a date and I didn't give him an answer as he was going on a holiday back to his home country for 3 weeks. I knew he wasn't a Christian but he had an orthodox background which didn't seem bad to me considering that my mum changed her belief from orthodox to baptist. So he came back from his holiday, still very eager to take me out on a date and I couldn't help it but say yes. For some reason, I didn't take it very seriously, I thought that it wouldn't go well and it would just be some date that just happened once and then go back to normal. I also left the place that I was working at because my second year of university started and the work was getting a bit too much so we wouldn't have to run into each other etc. However, to my surprise, the date went on really well and we both wanted to see more of each other. After a few weeks of dating, he asked me to be his girlfriend, a month later, we told each other that we love one another. He was the first man whom I have fallen in love with. We have had a few conversations about the fact that we didn't share the same beliefs but he was really keen on our relationship so he went to church and tried to understand me and my belief. My parents weren't that supportive of our relationship but after they saw that he came to church and made some effort of getting to know God on a more personal level, they warmed up to him. He was accepted by my family, my dad and him got on so incredibly well. We even went on a holiday together with my brother and his wife. However, our relationship wasn't as perfect as I wanted it to be. Considering that he was 9 years older than me, we had a lot of arguments. I had my moments of insecurities and it didn't always feel like I should be treated in the way he was treating me. He could never say, he would twist our arguments in such a way that I would be the bad guy causing all of our relationship issues. But because we have had so many conversations about future and marriage and having kids, I let it slip because that's what I thought that I should be doing as a woman. I let him get away with things and accepted what he was saying about me that I can't be pleased etc.. He also found out that I was talking to a Christian guy who was considering moving to the country that I currently live in and that we had a lot of conversations about church and so on. My then boyfriend was furious with me and I felt awful because I was trying to help someone but I hurt my boyfriend in the process. I deleted the person who I was speaking to, to show that I only cared about my then boyfriend. He didn't want to speak to me but we moved on eventually. For me to find out that he was talking to another woman. But he started creating jokes and saying things like oh she's no one and when I became upset, he just told me that I was over reacting. I believed him. That was just an example of what our relationship was like. But I still loved him and still wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Anyway, coming up to Valentine's Day, I have noticed that my parents are having troubles again. I guess I was so excited to have someone important in my life that I forgot about other problems.
On sunday, the day of valentine's day, my dad asked me to talk to him privately. I didn't know what it was about and mum didn't say anything either. So my dad told me about how he has met this woman and who he's having some sort of a relationship with. I didn't ask to define what kind of a relationship it was because I was just so angry with my dad, I couldn't understand why would he put our family in jeopardy and chose our family over another woman! I was hurting a lot and because my boyfriend was there, I told him everything that has been going on with my dad since 4 years ago and what is happening this time around. He was shocked but he was my rock and he supported me and he gave me the comfort that I craved. I couldn't imagine what my mum must have been feeling because she has lost my dad once again to another woman. She told my dad that he has to move out and if he won't then she will. I thought that was it. That is my parents marriage over after 34 years of marriage. We then had church elder come home and speak to my dad about what has happened, my dad was really ashamed and embarrassed and regretful and they both prayed and that seemed to be the end of it. But suddenly we noticed that his symptoms of mental health are back and are blasting out on a level that we haven't seen before. He was experiencing visions, voices, irritability, the whole lot. We booked an urgent appointment with our local doctor who didn't seem to pay much effort into my dad's situation but asked one question, "Have you thought about hurting yourself?". My dad's response was a solid no. We didn't think much about it but just left and my dad was given anti-depressants which he started taking the next day. The next day was my parents 35th wedding anniversary. Dad went on a walk somewhere whilst me and my mum were just cooking at home. My dad came home looking pale and as if he could barely walk and just simply said, I'm dying. My mum starts panicking as she sees that there is blood all over my dad, they sat on a couch and my mum saw that there was a large amount of blood on my dad. I instantly grabbed my phone and dialled the ambulance, I started panicking because my dad just looked as if he really was dying. The ambulance was on their way, my mum being a nurse tried to put pressure on the wounds and see where else are the wounds. I called my boyfriend because he was a nurse and he lived very close to me, he came after 10 minutes and took over from my mum because she was just lost. We were both in tears, trying to make sure my dad doesn't fall asleep, praying to God, I then got in touch with my brother and his wife who came at the same time as the ambulance. My dad has cut his neck, damaged an airway in his neck. He had a deep wound in his arm, which was at risk of losing the feeling in his hand and fingers. He had puncture wounds on his stomach as he was trying to also get to his heart. We live on the second floor in an apartment building and we have shed areas downstairs. My dad went to our shed and he tried to kill himself there. Only by a God's miracle, he had strength to get up to the second floor and get us to help him. My dad got sectioned by a mental health act, he had to go to a psychiatric hospital and we are back to square 1. In the meantime, it was around my boyfriends birthday and I decided that I will try and do something fun. He was my support system and I wanted to give back by organising a surprise party and getting his friends from a different city to come. Everything was well. Until the morning of his birthday, he came over and we had sex. I broke the promise of staying a virgin until marriage and most importantly, I broke my promise to God. I felt awful and regretting it after it happened. I broke up with him because it wasn't right. It wasn't right since day one. I sort of blamed him because he knew that I wanted to save myself for marriage and that I would only be married to a like minded believer. We started arguing and he said that he never had the intention of becoming a Christian, he felt hurt because I couldn't accept him that he didn't have the same beliefs as me. He told me that I never loved him and that I was a cruel person. I hit rock bottom. I felt used, I felt angry, I felt broken, I felt lost. I nearly lost my dad and I lost the man who I have given away my heart to. I had dark thoughts, I wanted to just disappear, I imagined how it would feel to just feel nothing anymore, to not exist.. I told my mum because she didn't understand why we suddenly broke up. My mum was hurt, she felt responsible. It was awful. She was so disappointed in me. My dad was back from the psychiatric hospital and we told him as well because he felt that something was wrong and he kept thinking that it was something to do with him. I told the elder of my church, because I didn't take part in breaking of bread on a few sundays. We spoke, we prayed, we wept, I asked for God's forgiveness. It was decided that I wouldn't leave church and it would just be kept between the elders and us as a family. I felt unworthy of such forgiveness and acceptance. I will regret my decision that I took to have sex probably for the rest of my life as it means that I will probably have to stay single as I doubt that there will be a Christian man who will accept me. But I am now learning to trust God. Remember the Christian guy I talked about earlier on? We have been talking again and not long ago, he has showed a serious interest in me. When he told me, I was stunned as I didn't expect someone to want to be a part of my life. He is now trying to find a way to come over to this country. We are praying about both of us and whether its the Lord's will for us to be together. I am now doing it the right way, the way that God has taught us. We are trusting God in helping us. I am so scared of how this guy will take my past, I am so scared of his decision and my feelings are slowly growing for him. I am scared of being hurt again but I am more scared of hurting him. I haven't told him anything yet and he is thinking of coming over in end of May - June time. But I will continue to pray and put this in Lord's hands. My dad is doing so well, his medication is working well, he has finally come to church and he was overwhelmed by the great amount of people who prayed for him. My parents are slowly working on their marriage and we have found out that my brother's wife is expecting their first child. Praise the Lord for He is great.
I have learnt a lot from what has happened. Mostly is that the Lord has a reason why He lets some things happen. He knew that after everything, we will come out much better on the other side. We will continue to pray and to trust unto Him.
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6.
Thank you for your time taken to read this.
