"True repentence"

[Call me Nic]

WOW!
BE a doormat ~ OH-KAY! or...a piece of gum under his shoe and he can walk all over me and just take his bad temper, and word vomit! THat's good for the soul -NOT!
WOW!

I said none of those things. I'm not saying that he is not committing grievous sin nor does he deserve punishment, but punishment comes from God - because God is the one who says that the only cause for divorce is fornication.

Take it up with God, not me.

If I were you, I would endure as a faithful wife; God will bless you for your faithfulness and punish him for his foolishness and violence against you, because God hates violence and abuse. If you truly want to follow the commands of the Lord, that is the only way.

However, if you want to divorce and stand blameable before the Lord, you can divorce him. God will never take away your salvation, but that doesn't mean that he won't hold you accountable for your part in divorcing him.

It's really up to you to decide.

 

[RaymondG]

Thank you ! Finally someone who knows women are the weaker vessel!

You are not weaker, you are stronger. The weak are those who abuse. Dont let that abuse make you forget that you are strong, and that greater is He that is in You than he that is in the world...

 

[Thankfull4Grace]

Paul of Eugene Oregon... That is a great answer and I will use it Makes exact sense you are an angel

 

[RaymondG]

"....But it does states that it is better not to make vows than to make them and break them. Were there any clauses added to the "for worse" section.? If there was, only you can say whether they can release you from your original vows... The opinions of other cant make it right or wrong...and only you can pay the consequences of your decision."

I didnt mean that you couldnt break it. Just was trying to shift the focus off of others and back to the only one that matters here..... You are judged for what you do, not what others do to you. your concern should be you own actions and not the actions or opinions of others. You have to make a choice. And I wouldnt see any wrong in any choice you decided to make.

 

[Thankfull4Grace]

I said none of those things. I'm not saying that he is not committing grievous sin nor does he deserve punishment, but punishment comes from God - because God is the one who says that the only cause for divorce is fornication.

Take it up with God, not me.

If I were you, I would endure as a faithful wife; God will bless you for your faithfulness and punish him for his foolishness and violence against you, because God hates violence and abuse. If you truly want to follow the commands of the Lord, that is the only way.

However, if you want to divorce and stand blameable before the Lord, you can divorce him. God will never take away your salvation, but that doesn't mean that he won't hold you accountable for your part in divorcing him.

It's really up to you to decide.

I have been forebearing, taking it (as it were), praying, hoping and NOTHING has worked exept withdrawing b/c he returns to the same behavior ---temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way, smashes my belongings (phone, trashcan, doors, walls, potato chip bag, I could keep writing it's whatever is closeby I should just be glad it's not me, right?). Word vomits everything he doesn't share with me, but should have, mocks me when I pray during the abuse b/c I can do nothing else---

I have stayed, endured and takin' his target practice/abuse for a very long time I have NOT given up, hoped and prayed and see positive change so IT IS WORKING!
It is other beleivers who don't get it.
But...
Eugene of Oregon gets it!

 

[Call me Nic]

I have been forebearing, taking it (as it were), praying, hoping and NOTHING has worked exept withdrawing b/c he returns to the same behavior ---temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way, smashes my belongings (phone, trashcan, doors, walls, potato chip bag, I could keep writing it's whatever is closeby I should just be glad it's not me, right?). Word vomits everything he doesn't share with me, but should have, mocks me when I pray during the abuse b/c I can do nothing else---

I have stayed, endured and takin' his target practice/abuse for a very long time I have NOT given up, hoped and prayed and see positive change so IT IS WORKING!
It is other beleivers who don't get it.
But...
Eugene of Oregon gets it!

Okay well I pray everything works out for you. God bless.

 

[razzelflabben]

Hello! Doing a thorough search, with biblical reasons for separating from a relationship, with a willful sinner, who has continually apologized for his violations against me and continues to go back to the same behavior he apologized for. I need to add here: This isn't repentance which I know is, a 180 turn in the other direction.
Anyhow, I found numerous scriptures that stated what I needed to do:
Matt 18:14-18 ~ Go- take witnesses-go to the church ---Did that
1 Cor 5: 11-13 ~ Have nothing to do with them Did that
1 Cor 6 ~ take the serious violation to the church instead of the court (family --of God/not a building)
2 Tim 3:1-5 Have nothing to do with them.
Lastly about 40 verses in Proverbs, regarding how to handle a fool; basically, someone who returns to their vomit.
NOW my questions...
After explaining all of my biblical reasons to his Christian friends (yes he calls himself a Christian and will argue profusely that he is!), for not associating with this unrepented sinner. They said, I was being unloving, unkind, impatient and so forth. Also that "Jesus would never forsake anyone " his mother said. THey completely disregarded the scriptures. SHEESH!
Why are so many soft on sin?
What am I to do when they themselves are believers, and don't live with this man and don't see his violations/issues/repeated sin on a daily basis? I don't want a divorce I simply want him to get a wake-up call. THis has helped trememndously....but he hasn't fully repented (my hope still stands for his restoration)
How do I explain it better to those who we know, other than how the verses explain it?

Before I give any other advice just let me point out one thing that I am not sure was clear in your OP as to scripture. Matthew 18 says that if all those things don't work, to treat him as an unbeliever. This does not equal disassociating from him...it means that he is no longer considered a brother in Christ. This does NOT negate the other passages you present, I just wanted to point out the difference.

Now as to the other passages, it depends on what the offense is, so check that out as well.

I grew up with father that would do some very hurtful, evil things, when confronted he would apologize in tears then turn around and do the same thing all over again. As my father, I couldn't just move out which put me in a bind so to speak, it doesn't sound like you have the same bind....so here is what I would suggest. Start by telling him that in order to be faithful to scripture and God as you understand it, it is necessary for you to take actions. Then lay out not only what those actions are but what would be necessary for things to return to a right relationship so that he knows what he is working towards. I had to do this with my husband over a sin issue and all it took was for him to know what was at stake...that being said, in the relationship you are in, you also need to be willing and let him know you are willing to do whatever you can to help him overcome this problem in the power of the HS. God has given us one another to help us and encourage us and yes to motivate us. Take that role seriously. Then Love the dickens out of him...by that I mean pray faithfully and zealously for him, remain righteous so that your prayers are heard. Don't back down but also don't be afraid to exercise grace....etc.

 

[razzelflabben]

Strength? I would say 19 years with this roller coaster ride of Sin-Forgive-Repeat ~I've tolerated ALOT.
It's a rage issue, and I am his target.
In couseling (3 in 17 yrs) He talks very surfacey and when I share the reality of what's happening behind closed doors he never goes back!

This is common behavior with abusers, more times than not it is because of their own feelings of guilt and shame that they try to hide their behavior...it isn't okay but there are things that can be done...may he find the humility to accept the truth and the courage to face his shame in the grace of God.

 

[friend of]

You are doing him a favor by removing temptation from his vicinity . . . the temptation to abuse

This sounds like victim blaming mentality.

 

[Celticroots]

I have been forebearing, taking it (as it were), praying, hoping and NOTHING has worked exept withdrawing b/c he returns to the same behavior ---temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way, smashes my belongings (phone, trashcan, doors, walls, potato chip bag, I could keep writing it's whatever is closeby I should just be glad it's not me, right?). Word vomits everything he doesn't share with me, but should have, mocks me when I pray during the abuse b/c I can do nothing else---

I have stayed, endured and takin' his target practice/abuse for a very long time I have NOT given up, hoped and prayed and see positive change so IT IS WORKING!
It is other beleivers who don't get it.
But...
Eugene of Oregon gets it!

Divorce this man and do not look back.

God bless you.

-A believer who believes you aren’t obligated to take abuse from your husband or anyone else.

 

[razzelflabben]

I think I need to say something else here...it is disturbing when someone desires to follow scripture no matter the cost and they come to a Christian Forum looking for encouragement and help in how to do that and all they get is the likes of some of the posts here. Scripture should not be negotiable but that doesn't mean we have to offer our interpretations nor does it mean we have to bash each other over the head with passage we think are more important. The poster was convicted by God by the passages presented in the OP and that should be good enough from the standpoint of scripture since it is God's job to convict of sin. Our job as brothers and sisters in Christ should be to encourage the OPer unto righteousness through encouraging words, experiences that we have had and seen God work in and through, and prayer....nothing more or less.

May you find strength in your weakness, courage in the most difficult of trials, and encouragement not only from God but from your brothers and sisters who open God's command to Love you with encouragement and prayer.

 

[Thankfull4Grace]

Before I give any other advice just let me point out one thing that I am not sure was clear in your OP as to scripture. Matthew 18 says that if all those things don't work, to treat him as an unbeliever. This does not equal disassociating from him...it means that he is no longer considered a brother in Christ. This does NOT negate the other passages you present, I just wanted to point out the difference.

Now as to the other passages, it depends on what the offense is, so check that out as well.

I grew up with father that would do some very hurtful, evil things, when confronted he would apologize in tears then turn around and do the same thing all over again. As my father, I couldn't just move out which put me in a bind so to speak, it doesn't sound like you have the same bind....so here is what I would suggest. Start by telling him that in order to be faithful to scripture and God as you understand it, it is necessary for you to take actions. Then lay out not only what those actions are but what would be necessary for things to return to a right relationship so that he knows what he is working towards. I had to do this with my husband over a sin issue and all it took was for him to know what was at stake...that being said, in the relationship you are in, you also need to be willing and let him know you are willing to do whatever you can to help him overcome this problem in the power of the HS. God has given us one another to help us and encourage us and yes to motivate us. Take that role seriously. Then Love the dickens out of him...by that I mean pray faithfully and zealously for him, remain righteous so that your prayers are heard. Don't back down but also don't be afraid to exercise grace....etc.

Excellent from someone who "has been there". Thank you!
This has been working for him so far. It is other believers that don't get the reason and was only asking to help with more questions that come up from our friends

 

[icxn]

nvh

 

[razzelflabben]

Excellent from someone who "has been there". Thank you!
This has been working for him so far. It is other believers that don't get the reason and was only asking to help with more questions that come up from our friends

I would tell them that after much prayer, searching of scripture, and prayerful consideration you are following what God has placed on your heart to do. You are open to Him changing your direction but until or unless He does, you are going to remain faithful to God over all other whether the advice sounds good in the ears of man or not. Then I would ask them if there is anything that they are struggling with that you could pray for them to find the answers that God has for them....

 

[Thankfull4Grace]

I would tell them that after much prayer, searching of scripture, and prayerful consideration you are following what God has placed on your heart to do. You are open to Him changing your direction but until or unless He does, you are going to remain faithful to God over all other whether the advice sounds good in the ears of man or not. Then I would ask them if there is anything that they are struggling with that you could pray for them to find the answers that God has for them....

That has been what I say sister ...Hope and restoration only GOD can do this work.
Did you see what Eugene fom Oregon said? perfect..just as your words are Thank you again!

 

[razzelflabben]

That has been what I say sister ...Hope and restoration only GOD can do this work.
Did you see what Eugene fom Oregon said? perfect..just as your words are Thank you again!

praying you find peace as you wait for the Lord to finish the work He has begun

 

[com7fy8]

In general > I do not know if and how this might apply to you >

A first thing I think of is how a number of people get married without making sure with God about who they marry. They fool their own selves into marrying a wrong person, when Jesus makes us able to tell the difference; Jesus makes us able to not be fooled by appearance > Jesus does say,

"'Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.'" (John 7:24)

So, yes with God we can evaluate a person reliably, and be guided by God about if and how to trust each person.

So, I would say that if any of us fooled our own selves to not trust how our Father would guide us, we need to get real correction and enlightenment about how we have been able to fool our own selves. Because, among other things, if we leave a wrong person, still our own ways can get us with yet another wrong person . . . or we could get isolated with our own selves, fooling ourselves into isolation.

So, I would say, in any case, first get wise to however you yourself need God's correction > Hebrews 12:4-11.

And our Heavenly Father is able to guide you.

I can see how Jesus did not just let anyone do anything to Him. He would spend time with evil people, but where others were around as witnesses.

And 1 Timothy 3:1-10 shows me how even sound and mature Christian men need to be tested before they are trusted. So, trust is not blind, but we trust because of how God has proven Himself to us and proven whom He trusts to take care of us.

So, see how God proves Himself to you.

 

[Thankfull4Grace]

God knows I have relied on him for assurance,
but haven't taken such a drastic step as I have these past 2 week;in which
the naysayers don't see and hear his improvements--thinking I will share
his improvments, the next time they ask.
want to add:
There are a few here, that I think are angels ...wouldn't you agree?
Thank you for everyone's input, even if you are an angel
​

 

[Silly Uncle Wayne]

Strength? I would say 19 years with this roller coaster ride of Sin-Forgive-Repeat ~I've tolerated ALOT.
It's a rage issue, and I am his target.
In couseling (3 in 17 yrs) He talks very surfacey and when I share the reality of what's happening behind closed doors he never goes back!

While I believe in forgiveness, it is meaningless without corresponding repentance.

And repentance is not about saying sorry, it is a change of heart that attempts to change wrong behavior (sin).

So you need to forgive when he is truly trying to change his ways, but if it is only ‘surface’ sorrow, then Forgiveness is a weakness, not a strength.

That said you should always be prepared to forgive when true repentance appears otherwise you are likely to be affected by bitterness at him or at the situation.

 

[razzelflabben]

While I believe in forgiveness, it is meaningless without corresponding repentance.

And repentance is not about saying sorry, it is a change of heart that attempts to change wrong behavior (sin).

So you need to forgive when he is truly trying to change his ways, but if it is only ‘surface’ sorrow, then Forgiveness is a weakness, not a strength.

That said you should always be prepared to forgive when true repentance appears otherwise you are likely to be affected by bitterness at him or at the situation.

I think you might be confusing forgiveness with reconciliation...forgiveness is about the one forgiving where reconciliation is about both parties coming into a right relationship