Troubling Situation

[Neu-Timothy]

Greetings fellow Christians, My wife and I are struggling with a situation revolving around a little girl who is close to our heart. Let me take you back to the beginning of the story.

My wife and I after being married for 2 years moved back toward our families, which lived within 25 miles of each other. My brother was in a relationship with a girl who was pregnant with her previous “partners” baby. (-not my brothers child, biologically-) My brother was there for the baby girls birth, even signed the birth certificate. After having the child, they needed a place to stay while they planned everything for spending the rest of their lives together. My wife and I offered rooms in our house, since we had plenty of room, with no children at that time. They accepted and moved in.

We soon found that the Babies mother was not a good mother in the least, and my wife spent a great deal of her time raising the baby.

Soon after the Babies first birthday, my brother found out the baby’s mom was sleeping with his best friend. As you might guess, they went their separate ways… My wife however, maintained a relationship with the babies mother, more or less to ensure the baby would be okay, having found herself emotionally attached.

Flash-forward to the present, the baby is now 7 and my wife and I have a 3 year old son of our own. Over the past 7 years, we’ve gotten the little girl nearly every other weekend, summers, and all the major holidays, including Christmas… She has her own room, cloths, toys at our house.

As you can probably guess, the babies mother had a child by my brothers best friend, left him, and now has two with the guy she is with now.

My wife and I are beside ourselves, with an email we received from the Girl’s mother yesterday, regarding her not being able to come to our house this weekend. The Girl has been having trouble at school, and has been disrespectful to her teachers.

We know why she is doing poorly at school, and why she is rebelling against her mother… Her living conditions are horrible, her parents have no jobs, bounce from house to house… I don’t think she is being physically abused, but I do believe they are using drugs, and allow her to watch movies like “American Pie” and other various “R” rated movies…

Our son loves her like his sister, we know we could provide for her better then her Mother at this time in her life. My wife is a stay at home mom, and has all the time in the world to help her with school. I know with all my heart, when she reaches a legal age to choose to be with us rather then her mother, she will… with out a doubt… But will it be to late then? The damage being done now in her education, can you recover from that…?

Do we contact her school, risking her mother taking her from us?

Any suggestions are welcome.

 

[Tangnefedd]

If the child is in danger emotionally or physically you must inform the childcare authorities. They will decide if the mother's parenting skills are poor enough for the child to be removed. If you wanted to be foster parents for the child wouldn't you have to be approved and attend courses? You would in the UK, even then it might be thought that the child was better placed with someone else. You have to make the decision about whether you think this matter is serious enough to be taken to the powers that be.

 

[Neu-Timothy]

If you wanted to be foster parents for the child wouldn't you have to be approved and attend courses?

If you want to be a "foster parent", I believe you do need to take courses, however, to adopt, I'm fairly sure you do not.

 

[aplmom]

Dear Neu-Timothy:

I am sorry to hear of your heartbreaking situation. I am from North Carolina and work for an attorney here. I can give you a little bit of insight as to what your legal rights are in this matter. Do you think that the mother would be willing to give you and your wife custody of the child? If not, since the child is of no biological relation to you, technically you have no rights to her. However, you can anonymously contact your local Department of Social Services if you feel that the child is in any kind of danger. You may not be able to obtain custody through this route either, but at least you would know that the child was safe. I know that this is probably the last thing you wanted to hear, but sometimes it is best to know exactly what your rights are in this type of situation. If I were you, on the occasions that you get to visit with the child, make sure to reassure her that you and your wife will always be available to her if she needs to talk, or just needs a hug, no matter what circumstances come in her outside life. Do this without making any type of remarks with regard to her Mother. Hopefully, with prayer and the grace of God, the Mother will begin to change her life and/or give you and your wife custody of the child. I will keep you, your family and the little girl in my prayers. God bless you and your family.

 

[Pastor_Benjamin]

The first thing I recommend you do is pray. Remember God has a plan for everyones life and if its in his plan for the little girl to be a permant part of your life then she will. Continue to pray for the mother of the little girl not only that she changes her ways, but also that she gives her life to Christ.

I look at this as a evangelistic chance for you and your wife. Reach out to these young people because they are at a point in their life were the devil is trying them the most.

God sits high and he looks low. When our time on earth is over we all must give an account for the sins that we have commited.

God bless you,

Pastor Bruce Benjamin
New Beginning Outreach Ministries

P.s If you need me further feel free to Pm me I will respond a quick as possible.

 

[E-beth]

I just don't know what to say. The poor baby and I know your hearts must be breaking every day that she isn't with you.

I am definitely praying!

 

[Neu-Timothy]

Thank you to everyone for your prayers... Your are absolutly right Pastor_Benjamin, this is a great oportunity for my wife and I to share the Lord with them...

I will post updates, God Bless you all

with love,